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However my daughter has had a cell phone in the past. She had a teacher who I had some deep concerns about because she on more then one occasion had ignored my daughter when she was sick. Because she had not lost a limb, the principle did nothing. There had been problems with prior teachers as well.
Simply put, I didn't trust the school. SO she had a cell phone to contact me with in an emergancy.
My daughter does ALOT around the house.
She does the dishes about 75% of the time, she folds her own laundry, if she is in trouble she folds mine as well.
Being a smart a$$ gets you grounded in my house.
My world does revolve around her but not in the way you seem to be suggesting.
It reminds me of the year we had a big Thanksgiving group with about 50 people. When the dinner went on the table, the kids began to line up (before we'd even called it) and I thought "wait a minute!". So I made the announcement that this year we were going to go in order of oldest to youngest. Boy did I get the hairy eyeball, but my 91 yo G-ma winked at me as she went to get her food. After all, she had cooked most of it. And thinking back on that event, I wondered when things had changed, because when I was a kid, we did get our food last. The sense of entitlement the kids felt, to get served first, was what shocked me back to reality.
I think what is being said (in many different ways) by most, and ignored by few (by there are those that will never figure it out), is that our number one priority to our kids it to raise them to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually ready for integration into society as a functioning component. If we fail to raise our children in any one of those aspects, then we do not only them a disservice, but society as a whole a disservice.
Children don't deserve anything but love and a commitment to prepare them for the outside world. When they get a job, just because John and Mary get cell phones from work doesn't mean they do! Maybe John and Mary deserve it. Maybe they got it solely because they were senior. Who cares. If we teach our kids to base the satisfaction of their own life on what their friends have, they will never be happy or satisfied in life.
Earning things. This is probably the second most important thing we can teach our children. And even when you've done a great job, you may not be rewarded for anything more than knowing it yourself. And teaching children that when you work hard you may be rewarded (financially, materially, etc.) is not setting them up for failure in the same way that giving them something everytime they successfully complete a task does. I've heard of parents giving kids money for every "A" they get. Can every adult tell me that every time you completed a task in the workforces better than expected you received something? If so, I want to work with you!! I tell my kids they do their chores because it's part of being a family. Then, when they need money for something, I determine overall whether or not they've done enough over time to warrant it. They do get allowances, but that's not for chores, that's because I'm trying to teach them financial responsibility (savings/checking accounts).
Additionally, as soon as they turn 16 and can drive (I have/had 2 out of 4 kids already in this category), I tell them they need to get a job. Part time, but if they want to drive, they have to pay me what the increase in insurance is with them on the policy. Of course, it's part time work, and I don't make them pay me, I make them put it into a savings account to be considered "mine" which is a way to also prove to them that they should save a little each month for themselves, and that they have to pay for responsibilities before buying games, or music online, etc. I believe this gets them ready for the financial responsibility of paying bills first out of their checks.
Finally, and what I think is the most important, is that I tell them that they have to be considerate of others and help others out. Being part of a functioning society. I have never given money to a street beggar, nor do I ever intend to. But I let them know they have that option. Additionally, twice a year, we do a family thing that helps society in some way or another ('Chrismas in April,' where the community gets together to help repair handicapped/elder peoples homes, or 'Meals on Wheels' where we deliver food to the less fortunate, elderly, or handicapped in our society.
Bottom line is we ARE a society. And if we don't teach our kids that they need to find a way to contribute and fit in, you end up with an America we have today... one that serves individuals, and the many pay for the one (or the fiew) because (IMHO) some people are/were taught that your individuality and individual needs are more important that keeping the solid fabric of or society together.
Are you teaching your kids to become a functioning part of society, or one of those that are going to help tear it down, one person at a time?
CPG35223 - Great post... great topic!! Tried to rep you.. but have to spread some love around first.
is that our number one priority to our kids it to raise them to be emotionally, physically, and spiritually ready for integration into society as a functioning component. If we fail to raise our children in any one of those aspects, then we do not only them a disservice, but society as a whole a disservice.
AMEN! I am so tired of having to deal with those "kids" in adult bodies out in the working world that are so lost without their Mama that they are not functional. Yes Mom, when they get hired, they really are expected to
W-O-R-K and we are not there to cater to them or to babysit them. We are not there to teach them what you failed to teach them, that was YOUR job! Recently I had a 19 year old actually tell me "I took the job because surely they did not expect me to actually work for what they are paying me to be here!" HUH?
Please try to remember, they are YOUR little darlings, not everybody elses! Excuses and charm do not get it in the real world.. they are not as cute and adoreable as you have lead them to believe they are and I (for one) am tired of dealing with them.
Rathagos--great post. I like how you deal with chores and allowance. My oldest is five, so he is just starting out on the regular chore list and is on the cusp of getting an allowance. I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. I think that is a great way to do it.
By the way, my niece stayed with us for a week last summer. Her mom gave her some spending money, plus she earned some from us for babysitting. Since I don't have a 12 y.o., I didn't know what to expect. My sister said she could go to the store by herself (very close by), so I let her one day toward the end, so she could have a little alone time and it ends up she spent the entire amount of money on junk food!!! I didn't think it was possible. I don't think it necessarily looks bad at my sister (although she does seem to have horrible money-managing skills), but that you can never stop parenting them for a moment (or in my case, aunting them).
All this talk about raising children to be a productive part of society made me think of the flip-side: communities' responsibility to help raise productive children. Specifically, school spending. I think overall our nation does a horrible job funding our schools. But what gets me is towns, like the one I grew up in, who have a large older population that does not have kids in school anymore. A referundum comes up and they don't want to fund it, considering it a waste of tax money. But raising kids takes everyone and if you want smart, educated, considerate adults, you need to make sure the kids are smart, educated, and considerate. (Plus companies and workers will choose other towns then yours if the school system sucks) This takes not only parents, but the good schools, good neighbors, etc.
I was lucky my parents taught us how to work for we want and that you do not need the bigest house, newest car, or the most expensive clothes. My Mom taught us to look for sales and that you can look just as good in an outfit from Wallmart or k mart as you can from one that was bought at a highend retail store. Hopefully I will be able to convay that message to my children. I try really hard not to buy my son brand name anything though I have boughten him a few Disney Cars toys. I told my husband there is no way that he will have a computer in his room if he haves a cell phone it will be the type that can only call us or 911 (emargancy use only) He will not drive untill he is 18 and of course he will have a job when he gets into high school. Thats how i was raised and we are all happy functioning adults.
It reminds me of the year we had a big Thanksgiving group with about 50 people. When the dinner went on the table, the kids began to line up (before we'd even called it) and I thought "wait a minute!". So I made the announcement that this year we were going to go in order of oldest to youngest. Boy did I get the hairy eyeball, but my 91 yo G-ma winked at me as she went to get her food. After all, she had cooked most of it. And thinking back on that event, I wondered when things had changed, because when I was a kid, we did get our food last. The sense of entitlement the kids felt, to get served first, was what shocked me back to reality.
I agree...but it's the same way at meetings I attend. When lunch is served, the men are in line first. It's pathetic.
All this talk about raising children to be a productive part of society made me think of the flip-side: communities' responsibility to help raise productive children. Specifically, school spending. I think overall our nation does a horrible job funding our schools. But what gets me is towns, like the one I grew up in, who have a large older population that does not have kids in school anymore. A referundum comes up and they don't want to fund it, considering it a waste of tax money. But raising kids takes everyone and if you want smart, educated, considerate adults, you need to make sure the kids are smart, educated, and considerate. (Plus companies and workers will choose other towns then yours if the school system sucks) This takes not only parents, but the good schools, good neighbors, etc.
Actually, you couldn't be more wrong. Americans spend more per child than any other country in the world. What's more, survey after survey demonstrate conclusively that there's no correlation between educational spending per child and classroom results.
The problem is that our educational system is designed to benefit educators, not children.
To be honest, after reading some of these posts, I think I have failed at being a parent.
My son is 9, and he doesn`t really have any chores around the house.
Just yesterday, I told him that from now on, everyday, I expect him to keep his bed made. I think he actually liked the idea, because he came out of his room this` morning, and told me that he made his bed.
My husband made the suggestion that he can mow the yard, with a push mower. He is going to show him how tomorrow.
I know that if I don`t give him some responsibilities now, that its really going to be ugly in a few years. His Dad doesn`t make him do anything either, so I think its time to get our heads together, and wise up!
Thanks for the thread.
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HUH? 
