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Because when you're trying to raise your own kids, the lazy parenting of others affects how your kids see the world. Suddenly, when ten kids in my youngest son's class have mobile phones, my son thinks he should be entitled to one, too. When my son spends a week at camp with his rude-ass friend, he picks up all the bad habits and thinks this is how normal kids talk. If other kids spend their lives in entitled little bubble without having to do their chores, suddenly your kids think that you're a terrible parent to force them to do work. That's why.
My children are only 3 mos old, but DH & I talk about this all the time because we see this entitlement attitude running rampant in the kids around us with parents completely enabling all the lousy manners, attitudes, etc...
I wish more parents felt more inclined to raise their children with some good old-fashioned manners, work ethic and respect instead of crying foul whenever they think their children's "rights" are being trampled upon.
I'm tired of hearing our friends say that they don't want their kids "not to like them", don't want to "break their spirit" by correcting or disciplining them and "it's easier to let them have their way than argue." What kind of parenting is that?
My children are only 3 mos old, but DH & I talk about this all the time because we see this entitlement attitude running rampant in the kids around us with parents completely enabling all the lousy manners, attitudes, etc...
I wish more parents felt more inclined to raise their children with some good old-fashioned manners, work ethic and respect instead of crying foul whenever they think their children's "rights" are being trampled upon.
I'm tired of hearing our friends say that they don't want their kids "not to like them", don't want to "break their spirit" by correcting or disciplining them and "it's easier to let them have their way than argue." What kind of parenting is that?
EXACTLY. You're not their friend. You're their parent. There is an immense difference between the two.
Want them to like you? That's fine. But first they have to respect you.
I agree with most of the above - such as having kids perform chores, learn manners, and to earn what they recieve.
One thing I find pointless though is getting upset because the kids are influenced by spoiled peers, or wanting what others have. That's life. Somebody will always have something else/more. It's our job as parents to teach our kids to deal with that, they might as well learn it while they are young, because throughout life, unless you are Bill Gates, there will always be somebody richer with better stuff.
Every time one of my kids comes crying that little xxxx has a yyyy that is what I tell them, and they are now used to the idea that they don't need to have exactly what their friends have. My daughter does have a burning desire to EARN though, which is fairly productive. Much better in the long run than trying to control what others have.
I don't know, maybe I am not old enough but there has and always will be the haves and the have nots. Just because lots of kids have cell phones doesn't mean your kid has to have one. They also have to learn that lesson too. I've been out of high school for 16 years now. I come from a fairly comfortable middle class family. Even though their parents made about the same as my parents, lots of my friends got brand new cars when they were 16, I did not, lots of my friends got to have fancy name brand clothes, I did not. It is just life. What is teaching your kids when you worry about what other people have just because you don't have it.
For the record, everyone I was friends with that "got" lots of things like the good clothes and the cars turned out just fine. They graduated college, got good jobs, and now most have families. My parents didn't make me clean my room often but they taught me the value of the dollar and the importance of a good work ethinc and hard work in other ways. My point is that there are other ways to teach kids things. There are plenty of very wealthy kids that do turn out fine, usually because parents in those families have very high standards about school and good jobs.
and to Jenn, IMO it is the norm now for way too many parents..
the OLD norm is now the new deviant...
think about it...
See I disagree and I live in the epiteme of surburbia. Surrounded by yuppies as my brother puts it. The kids might get cell phones when they are 12 (which I honestly don't see a problem with that anyway) and they might get cars when they are old enough to drive but that doesn't mean the kids won't turn out to be great adults. I know I was a pain in the butt when I was a teenager but not because I got things, because I didn't. I just had a bad attitude and I realize that now but I grew out of it. Lots of kids do.
IMO The sense of entitlement encompasses all socioeconomic groups. It isn't really about having material posessions, or lack there of. But more about a crumbling of the basics such as morals and values, compassion, respect, trust and honor. The concept of right and wrong has blurred into a gray haze where anything goes as long as you don't get caught, no one gets hurt, etc. This decay starts in the home and is spreading like wildfire.
Rome fell...America take heed.
Check out the book "The Price of Privilege" by Madeline Levine. She talks about the culture of the wealthy and how it is raising disconnected and unhappy kids who have very few important life skills. And your point is something she discusses in detail.
Yes, I've read it and enjoyed it and thought it was quite accurate from my first hand experience.
EXACTLY!I mean, all parents want to make sure their children live a happy, content & fun childhood. It's not necessarily enjoyable parenting to constantly having to say "no". At times, though, it has to be said.
This is the number one reason parenting is so hard (IMO). You have these babies that are so innocent and pure and beautiful...then they grow up. They will forever be that baby to you, but now you have to tell them no, yell and scold them and give them timeouts and groundings (I'm still in time-out phase--please tell me parents still ground, I plan to). It breaks my heart in a million pieces and always has me questioning--Am I being too hard? Am I being realistic? Am I not giving enough structure/chores? Its so hard! So, are these over-indulgent parents over-loving (if that is possible) or just lazy?
Because when you're trying to raise your own kids, the lazy parenting of others affects how your kids see the world. Suddenly, when ten kids in my youngest son's class have mobile phones, my son thinks he should be entitled to one, too. When my son spends a week at camp with his rude-ass friend, he picks up all the bad habits and thinks this is how normal kids talk. If other kids spend their lives in entitled little bubble without having to do their chores, suddenly your kids think that you're a terrible parent to force them to do work. That's why.
My husband and I were just talking about this very same thing the other problem. Almost the same words. I am not afraid of my kids and I'm not their friend even though I know they love me; I'm their mom. I mean, when my daughter and I go shopping (she is now 23) - we have a blast but she knows what is expected. We didn't get her a cell phone until she was 16.
Now, if she wanted anything to do with golf, we were good with that. I can't believe these parents that give their kids everything and they have nothing!
Even though we could have afforded it, we got away with 1 TV until about 5 years ago (daughter 19, son 14). I figured if we all can't watch it, shouldn't be watching it. (My husband, however, was the one who wanted HIS own TV).
They don't do everything perfectly but they both can cook, clean and now hold down jobs. They saw both their parents work their butts off and get little in return so we expected some things from them. Until 2005, we had a grandma for hire type (20 years she was with us) at the house while we worked so someone was always there. Boy, and she got on them for every little thing! That was good.
I am amazed sometimes at their good eating habits now. When they were little, not good. Now, they both eat so healthy I am the bad one. They makes me happy. They also both work out all the time so I am proud of them for that too.
I would sit down with them from time to time - this is what we expect from you; do you want to end up like ....? or do you want to be like ....? Your choice.
Your first sentence about going out and playing, finding our own entertainment - we had to do that too - now, where I live, it's very much like where I grew up; great neighbors, everyone knows everyone else but I know it's not like that everywhere. I do know who my kids were friends with; yes, I checked their e-mail (always knew where the back doors were) when they were teens. I would always tell them - our house, our responsibility, something happens here, guess what, we lose everything, your choice.
They always give me a Mother's Day card so I guess I'm OK. I tell them I appreciate them all the time
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You are so correct....
