Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Truly, if done properly (IMHO), you should only ever have to spank a handful of times, and never for pain. It should be the "attention getting" suprise.
Bill Cosby said it best when he said something like: "We had never seen 'the belt'... but we had heard about it. It was eight feet long... nine feet wide... and had hooks on it that would ever rip the meat off your body if it ever touched you." He went on to say that whenever he and his brother fought, his father would say "do you want me to get the belt" and dead silence would follow. Deterrence at its finest.
Newsflash: TV is not real life.
And violence against children is not funny.
There are no proper forms of violence against children, any more than there are proper ways of any other kind of domestic violence. It is the same sort of insanity that says it's ok to hit a woman just don't leave bruises, or it's ok to slap a woman but don't use a belt or fist. All such distinctions of the "proper way" to commit violence are scary evidence of a twisted mind that condones, supports, advocates, and approves of violence against family members.
yes, there are more effective ways of disciplining. I use them now while my kids are young. I do find it very effective. I use a motivation chart with my 3 year old. I am very pleased with the results. I think it helps to strengthen the interaction between your children as well.
I use a motivation chart with my 3 year old. I think it helps to strengthen the interaction between your children as well.
I had not heard of the term motivation chart and had to look it up. Looks to me like two approaches from opposite ends. Where those that endorse spanking (not to the point of abuse) tend to stress deterrence.
In other words, spanking parents try to teach consquences for negative behaviors; while parents who may use motivation charts (or something similar) strive to teach reward for positive behaviors. Two separate ends of the spectrum to reach the same results.
The only concern I would have for rewards for expected behavior is that we teach the child that when you do something, put your hand out (more or less). This could set them up for unforseen problems in real life. It might teach them to expect things for expected behaviors and a lack of understanding why reward isn't coming (adult work... they do the job, expecting a raise or some sort of reward for what was expected.. and get nothing). May not be anything.. but could be. I see a doctoral thesis in the making for this one! lol
Newsflash: TV is not real life.
And violence against children is not funny.
There are no proper forms of violence against children, any more than there are proper ways of any other kind of domestic violence. It is the same sort of insanity that says it's ok to hit a woman just don't leave bruises, or it's ok to slap a woman but don't use a belt or fist. All such distinctions of the "proper way" to commit violence are scary evidence of a twisted mind that condones, supports, advocates, and approves of violence against family members.
Are you going to continue with this? Spanking is not illegal (in all places). Stop mixing "spanking" as a form of discipline with child violence or abuse. You're only making a fool out of your point (which is valid within itself).
The only concern I would have for rewards for expected behavior is that we teach the child that when you do something, put your hand out (more or less). This could set them up for unforseen problems in real life. It might teach them to expect things for expected behaviors and a lack of understanding why reward isn't coming (adult work... they do the job, expecting a raise or some sort of reward for what was expected.. and get nothing). May not be anything.. but could be. I see a doctoral thesis in the making for this one! lol
Perhaps the original poster of motivational chart will be able to clarify as what exactlly she means, I understood it as a motivation approach that some of my friends use, which is not the same as reward/stickers chart.
Perhaps she will be able to clarify.
I happen to actually completely agree with you on rewards. We had discussed this on this forum millions of times. Especially when it came to doing chores, many parents here use reward system all the time. I have reservations about those too for all the same reasons you listed.
I had not heard of the term motivation chart and had to look it up. Looks to me like two approaches from opposite ends. Where those that endorse spanking (not to the point of abuse) tend to stress deterrence.
In other words, spanking parents try to teach consequences for negative behaviors; while parents who may use motivation charts (or something similar) strive to teach reward for positive behaviors. Two separate ends of the spectrum to reach the same results.
The only concern I would have for rewards for expected behavior is that we teach the child that when you do something, put your hand out (more or less). This could set them up for unforeseen problems in real life. It might teach them to expect things for expected behaviors and a lack of understanding why reward isn't coming (adult work... they do the job, expecting a raise or some sort of reward for what was expected.. and get nothing). May not be anything.. but could be. I see a doctoral thesis in the making for this one! lol
I hear what you are saying. I can tell you that my son is pleased just to see a star on his chart. I originally started out with destination rewards... special trip to the park just with mommy... a movie, etc... I might just stick to the stars.
Perhaps the original poster of motivational chart will be able to clarify as what exactly she means, I understood it as a motivation approach that some of my friends use, which is not the same as reward/stickers chart.
Perhaps she will be able to clarify.
I happen to actually completely agree with you on rewards. We had discussed this on this forum millions of times. Especially when it came to doing chores, many parents here use reward system all the time. I have reservations about those too for all the same reasons you listed.
I used a chart form that consisted of "good choices" -Listening, following rules..., responsibilities- clean up, helping when asked, potty time- trying to go even when you do not think you have to, ( potty time is not really an issue right now. He is almost 4.) respectfulness and manners. He had to earn a months worth of stars/stickers in order to earn whatever he was working for. He gradually worked his way up to a month worth of stickers at his own pace. He was able to earn his stickers very quickly. We recently moved so I stopped for now, but I plan on making up a new one for him at the end of the summer.
I will tell this little story the best I can as I'm pretty simple minded being I've lived the sticks all my life.
I had to go to court once to fight our backwoods school to get my 14 year old son back into school without cutting his hair.He was kicked out of 8'th grade cause his hair had grown nearly to his shoulders and this one teacher didn't think it was proper for a boy.She fussed untill they finaly sided with her and the school kicked him out.We didn't cut his hair,but went over the schools head.And the judge told my son he see's boys with much longer hair and it was not an issue as there is no such rules or policies that he's ever seen or heard.Ok,we won that issue and the school had to let him back in.
Ok,while we were in there a lady was asked why she didn't take controll over her kid that kept running the streets finding trouble.She told the judge that child services took her kid in Atlanta once for using a belt and the kid knows she can do nothing now and simply walks over her now. Our judge got very upset and said to her,and all the teens in his courtroom very loudly...'' your not in Atlanta, I've been the judge in this county over 8 years now and I've never allowed child services to step in when a child needs to be punished. It's one thing to beat a kid and that I will not allow,but to put the fear of God in he or she by using a belt is not grounds for child services to step in. I will however for the record tell all you teens before me today that if you decide to take a swing to hit mom or dad thinking you can walk out,then mom or dad has every right to protect themself. Meaning if you think they can't hit back,you thought wrong.Your parents are not punished the same as an adult on the street that swings back at you. I was raised old school and it didn't hurt me''.
Y'all should have seen all the sad teen faces hearing the judge blast all that out at them and the parents.
That being said, I can count the times I've took a belt to my kids on probly one hand. Maybe I've just been lucky they don't go looking for trouble like some kids do. It's kindly hard though as they don't get to run town either.
For those who believe spanking is a negative form of punishment, does it stand to reason then that yelling at a child can be an unacceptable form of emotional or verbal abuse? One that will, most likely, breed that child into believing that yelling or verbal abuse is not only acceptable but a preferred method of behavior that they will automatically display when they reach adulthood?
I actually believe yelling at a child is worse than a spanking. I don't mean when arguing with teenagers....I mean yelling at children.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Deterrence at its finest.
We had discussed this on this forum millions of times. Especially when it came to doing chores, many parents here use reward system all the time. I have reservations about those too for all the same reasons you listed.
