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Well Rakin brings up a good point and it was one of the reasons I thought about having children. I was just wondering if that's a bad reason though to have them?
Many children though just don't put their parents in a retirement home, they do take care of them at home.
The one thing is wclac, while you have a great plan, would if you can't relocate yourself bc of physical reasons or mental reasons. Like how do bills get managed if you are really sick or something?
You don't necessarily have to have children, but at least someone who you can trust to help you out.
I don't know it's a tough choice. I really just don't have the desire, but maybe they do bring joy and can help you out if need be.
I'm not sure that I can but I'll try. I read somewhere that parenthood is like having your heart leave your body and walk around in the form of your child. That feels true. I think a lot of the feelings are primal and biological...I was surprised by the intensity of my love for my children because I was mostly a matter-of-fact type of person before I became a parent.
Children can also push your buttons in ways you didn't expect. I was a bit self-righteous and judgmental toward parents until I felt for myself how angry and frustrated you can become when your children are misbehaving and defiant. It takes a lot of emotional self-control to stay calm when you have toddlers and preschoolers! Probably teenagers, too, but I haven't gotten there yet.
It is also so fascinating to see your genes expressed in this little person. My daughter is so much like me and my son is so much like his dad. There are things I thought were true about me because of my upbringing and now I have a whole new appreciation for genetics. Now I think a lot of things are just as related to DNA as socialization.
All of that being said, some of my feelings about my own children have now spread to ALL children. I see babies in bad situations and I wish I could scoop them up and take them home and take care of them. I can hardly watch CNN because sad news about children makes me cry. I feel permanently changed now that I am a parent in that I feel a really strong sense of responsibility toward my community and the rest of the world, that I need to do what I can. I'm sure lots of non-parents feel the same way but parenthood is what magnified any existing feelings I had in this direction.
if you want to be child free, no biggy--you're not the first nor the last.
the problem is i have heard people when they are retirement age say things like, "i wish i had had a family". but by that time its too late.
maybe they had a wonderful time, traveled around, did all that they wanted. maybe got married. but then the spouse dies and they are alone. no one to share their life experiences with.
Well, the tough part is finding a woman who don't want kids. Too many are parent-obsessed. I think its selfis if people have children just so they could take care of them when they're older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheenie2000
Well Rakin brings up a good point and it was one of the reasons I thought about having children. I was just wondering if that's a bad reason though to have them?
Many children though just don't put their parents in a retirement home, they do take care of them at home.
The one thing is wclac, while you have a great plan, would if you can't relocate yourself bc of physical reasons or mental reasons. Like how do bills get managed if you are really sick or something?
You don't necessarily have to have children, but at least someone who you can trust to help you out.
I don't know it's a tough choice. I really just don't have the desire, but maybe they do bring joy and can help you out if need be.
A lot of my friends/relatives can't answer why they want children or had them. Some just had them bc you are supposed to. Some say they love their children, and then follow that statement with a but.
They'll say I love my kids, BUT they are time consuming and a lot of work or i wish i had more time to myself. A few of my friends have gone thru post partem depression after giving birth. I very rarely meet someone who loves their kids, and didnt follow the statement with a but.
The childfree shouldn't regret not having a family. That's good. I really don't care if I end up alone if my spouse dies, or if I ever have a spouse who is childfree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by findinghope
if you want to be child free, no biggy--you're not the first nor the last.
the problem is i have heard people when they are retirement age say things like, "i wish i had had a family". but by that time its too late.
maybe they had a wonderful time, traveled around, did all that they wanted. maybe got married. but then the spouse dies and they are alone. no one to share their life experiences with.
I truly believe that God plans all children, and that he puts the right people together to create these children. It doesn't always go smoothly and a lot of people turn out to be bad parents, but no one is born by accident, all children are blessings and were put on this earth for a reason.
And parenthood is like walking through a door to a world that you can only experience once you've walked through the door...you really can't adequately describe the emotions to anyone who hasn't joined you through the doorway. Parenthood is one way to really experience life very fully.
quote]
Can you try to describe those emotions.
What is it that makes it so amazing?
I also wonder about that desire, I never had that desire to want kids.
Topaz said it best. all those things are true.
its like seeing you--as a baby. you cant believe the strength, the audacity, the courage they have.
when you see or hear of something happening to another child, you feel bad for them and their parents. but when you are a parent, it pierces your heart and soul.
when i was pregnant, i thought i would just go about my days and months as normal and wait for baby. but he wasnt about to let that happen. he had a personality and life inside me--and he let me know it!
the moment they gave him to me, he looked straight into my eyes. i was so unprepaired! it was like he was looking into me, and i realized here is a person. he is here to live a life. he is here for some special reason. my job: feed, cloth, care, secure as much safety as possibe, so that he can get on with it and do whatever he came to do.
and you think you will be able to control them, make them behave...but they cant be forced into thing--i mean i know my son cant. i can only sort of corral him into safety and hope he learns his lessons.
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