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well i let her play outside awhile, and when she came back in, she did that thing where she wont turn her back on me.. and yep.. u guessed it. wet. i immediately told her to go to the bathroom and take her pants off. she went, and did pee. i told her she isn't going outside again today. she said okay. she could really care less. i had called her in for lunch when this happened. when she's done eating she's gonna be sitting right next to me for the day, so that i can tell her every 30 min to go to the bathroom i guess. o i am livid. and i can't even show it! AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!
her dad (jokingly) suggested that we get her leather pants.
She sounds like quite the stubborn one.
Mine is the same. If I was to threaten diapers (i did back when she was 2.5 and having trouble potty training) she was just like-"oh ok,m so now i dont even have to BOTHER trying to go potty on the pot, great more time for playing". It backfired on ME, she does NOT get embarrassed- EVER. She would pee at dance class and it would go through the leotard and she would never admit she did it, she would just keep dancing. We had to drag her outta there. SHe is better now. She is trained to almost 100% but it took positivity not negativity to win her over.
She also is the kind of kid where if you were to send her to the bedroom for punishment they woudl say OK and have fun. In fact she has put herself on the stairs for a self inflicted "time out" just to show me she has fun there. She never lets on that she is bothered by her punishments. NOt even when we would smack her on the butt and she would just stare at me. It's a power trip. My husband was the same way my MIL says. You can;t let them see you sweat and you can never stop trying. They wil be great adults with that amount of will power they can do ANYTHING.
Another alternative: You could just totally ignore the wet pants and all the peeing and leave her wet all day. Tell her she is not allowed to sit on the furniture, only a wood chair so it doesn't ruin anything, and not allowed to sit on the carpet in wet pants. Sooner or later she'll get tired of being wet and smelly, and will want to join the family on the furniture.
Another alternative: You could just totally ignore the wet pants and all the peeing and leave her wet all day. Tell her she is not allowed to sit on the furniture, only a wood chair so it doesn't ruin anything, and not allowed to sit on the carpet in wet pants. Sooner or later she'll get tired of being wet and smelly, and will want to join the family on the furniture.
I like this approach. Also - she is not bothered by punishments, but I bet she is motivated by something. What does she like to do? How does she like to spend her time? These are the things that motivate her, and should be taken away until she can have dry days.
oh, and another thought - I would increase her power and control in other areas of her life - does she choose what clothes to wear/dress herself? Does she help with menu planning (what meals on what days?) She is homeschooled - can she choose what lessons are taught at which time during the day (for example - which would you like to do first - math or reading?)
So in addition to ignoring the behavior, letting her stay wet, not allowing her on furniture if she is wet until she chooses to clean it up herself, take away that which is most enjoyable to her, and have her earn it back by consistently using the bathroom.
An important note - whatever you choose to do, try it for AT LEAST 2 - 3 weeks, consistently. Do not go from ignoring to bathroom reminders every 30 minutes to scolding to isolation all in the course of 1-2 days. Pick something and stick with it. Also know that as with all problem behaviors the bad behavior might increase before it goes away....this, paradoxically, means that the intervention is working.
Last edited by 88txaggie; 09-17-2008 at 04:49 PM..
thank you all, great info and advice... and some laughs to boot
TABOO, we have the same daughter. how she is sneaking back n forth between our homes, i'll never know.
man, i should never of mentioned the "i dont like myself" thing.. i know it meant nothing, and so does her dad, and so do the ppl who know her. for some reason, others who have never even seen her face, feel differently. well, whatever
famlife, I completely get the rage thing at posters. I posted something in the relationship section for advice, some people didn't read the post completely and would start posting all crazy things. Then of course other posters would jump on that bandwagon. No matter how many times I told them they have the story wrong, they told me I was naive and going through life with my eyes shut....
Anywho.. love some of the suggestions for getting your daughter to stop, like one poster said, whatever you choose, do it for three weeks consistantly. If you keep changing your strategy every couple of days it won't work.
Oh and Taboo, my daughter is the same with stubborness. I threaten to take her toys away, she doesn't care. I send her to her room, she is happy. She has done the same with the self inflicted time out. UGH. Girls are STUBBORN!!!
thanks, it's nice to know there are others out there
at least we know that our daughters will be happy in life, no matter WHAT.. LOL
the sitting with me thing really got to her.. we'll see if it works. i told her that if she goes potty not on the toilet, she'd sit in the chair and every 30 minutes i'd let her up only to go potty. hopefully it'll only take a couple days. i'm very hopeful!
If you are going to move soon, if it comes down to it, I would do the public embarrassment/peer pressure thing now. That way, if you stay in the next town, she won't be remember as the girl who peed her pants. Just a thought.
There's hope! My son was the same stubborn way about everything. Started when he was about two. Only when he saw the advantage to not being stubborn did he give in on anything. Well, he is now 25, smart, successful and yes, still stubborn but now he has maturity on his side. We have a very close, loving relationship. By the way, when he realized the avantages of being potty trained, it was smooth sailing. I always reminded myself when the battle of the wills was raging that at least no one will every force him to do something he didn't want to do.
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