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I have a 2.5 year old daughter. When she gets mad, she will use her right hand and hit my leg, or hit my wife's leg, or hit the wall when she gets mad. I'm not sure how to stop this and tried many methods. I have made her do a 5 minute time-out in the corner, for a few months and it's not working. I have said NO very loudly, and NO in a normal tone, but it's not stopping. My daughter also kicked me and kicked her baby cousin.
I forgot to mention, this hitting thing only happen mostly in the present of 2 or more people. When my daughter is together with me, and wife is not around, this behavior does not happen.
I am out of ideas. I am not sure what to do.... maybe you could all help me?
Time outs are for failure to comply, not for violent behavior IMO. And to be age appropriate, it's a minute per year of age, so anything beyond a 2-3 minute time out and you're probably just making her more mad, or you've lost the effect.
Physical acting out should be met with a real world response. If she hits you, you swat her on the butt. Nice hard swat to waker her up. If she's hitting an inanimate object, you restrain her. You sit her on your lap, and restrain her arms until she's willing to sit still and stop fighting you. You just talk gently to her, saying "as soon as you calm down, I will let you go". Basically, you make it HER choice of when she will regain her freedom.
We had my nephew doing this to his mom (single mom) at age 3, and I would sit him on my lap and do this. The first time he fought for about 30 minutes, until he was pretty worn out. But I just kept calm and in control. The second time, it was only about 10 minutes, and the third time he got onto my lap and about 30 seconds later gave up.
My thought is to be calm but consistent and in control. It shows them that (like society) you're not going to stand idly by while she acts out, nor can she hurt herself without your intervention, but that you will let her be in control of when the loss of freedom will end....she just has to comply.
But be warned....the first time you do the sit-on-my-lap bear hug, you're going to feel awful and want to let her go...but being a good parent means sucking it up and sticking with things that you have to do...(I have 4 of my own so I know how y'all feel!)
Just my friendly $.02...
Last edited by Sage of Sagle; 11-27-2008 at 11:40 PM..
You might not want to hear this, but it truly is a phase. We have a 2.5 year old too that doesn't fully communicate with sentences yet. When he is TOTALLY mad or frustrated, the first thing he does is hit his head and then try to hit. We firmly grab his hand and say NO!
All of our boys went through this at this age. Also, when I worked with preschoolers most tried this also. Developmentally, they just can't express their feelings through sentences so they have to rely on other methods.
If she is doing it ONLY when 2 or more people are around, I would suspect that she isn't getting your full attention. She is getting jealous of not being the number 1 person in the room.
Someone said do the bear hug, that might work, however...NOT all kids respond to that method. ALL kids are different.
The best of luck to you. Twos are tough years! I actually think my two year old is wearing me out more than my teens are!
I am not a parent. But, I am close to a father of 3 whose 2nd child (almost 4) is like this - at this age, still.
on several occasions when I have visited and on outings when the boy came along, he raises his hand above his head as if to strike anytime things don't go his way. I have seen him strike his own parents, older sister, 18 month old brother, and even his grandmother. He has done this to me as well - one time when I was playing with him and his sister, he had a videogame joystick, and he began to swing it around. The cord was flying around in the air.
I grabbed it from him - I didn't violently jerk it away from his hands, but I had to be firm enough. He wanted it back and I said, "no, it's dangerous." He raised his hand over his head.
I stood up (I'm nearly 6' tall), bent over so my face was inches away from his, and asked him in a stern voice: "Bobby, do you want to beat up uncle Sprawling?"
The aggression on his face wore off. his hand was still over his head, but now he was looking down. I continued to stare him down from a standing position.
This may sound excessive, but as a man who grew up with boys doing all sorts of aggressive things, I firmly believe that sometimes a violent boy needs to be met with an authoritarian, firm hand. gentleness and hugs have their place, and rightfully so. But when a boy nearly 4 gets like this anytime things don't go his way, I personally believe more stern discipline is called for. At 2? I'd probably go to hugs first.
BTW, one time, at a party, I was playing and joking with Bobby's 8 year old sister. She had a paper plate covered with wrapped candy. I took it and jokingly pushed it against my chest so that the candies were between my chest and the plate. She laughed. Bobby, who was sitting next to me, began to whimper as if to cry in protest of my "stealing" his sister's candy. I immediately gave the plate w/ the candy back to her. But, he was still angry, and punched me in the arm.
I laughed it off... but his father, who was right there, got mad at him.
A final word: also speaking from experience as a man, sometimes boys think they can just use violence anytime because the parents let him get away with it... and then one day, at whatever age, the boy will hit the wrong person and he'll get hit back. Parents who did not discipline such boys properly tend to react clumsily when the boys are hit back or yelled at by people, often children too, who don't take to being hit as patiently as ... some parents do.
You might not want to hear this, but it truly is a phase. We have a 2.5 year old too that doesn't fully communicate with sentences yet. When he is TOTALLY mad or frustrated, the first thing he does is hit his head and then try to hit. We firmly grab his hand and say NO!
All of our boys went through this at this age. Also, when I worked with preschoolers most tried this also. Developmentally, they just can't express their feelings through sentences so they have to rely on other methods.
If she is doing it ONLY when 2 or more people are around, I would suspect that she isn't getting your full attention. She is getting jealous of not being the number 1 person in the room.
I totally agree.
What I have done is tell my daughter that hitting hurts and that I don't like it when she hits. If she does it again I will walk away.
I don't believe that hitting her back will teach her anything other then it is OK to hit.
Oh goodness thanks for all the advice yodi and raising3boys. I think my daughter cannot communicate well because she's in a bi-lingual family. My wife speaks to her in Mandarin Chinese, and I speak to her in English. My daughter is 2.5 can understand both languages. Thanks all.
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