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Your brain doesn't fully mature until mid 20s. You are still growing in your 20s. You change a lot as a person in the few years from 18 to 25. Sure you may be an adult in the eyes of the law but your mind and body says otherwise. With that said an 18 may feel that they are ready to have a child and may have the job to support said child but a few years down the road that 18 year old is going to wish they waited. I find it a rarity that a parent says "Oh I am so happy I had a child at 18" or what ever young age they had the kid.
I'll just follow you around and agree with you.
Our brains shift from emotional based thinking to logic based thinking in our 20's. This is the decade when we really grow up. Couple his with the fact that a college education is becoming required for just about any job these days and divorce rates and you can't help but come to the conclusion that people should wait to have kids. You don't do the kids any favors by having them young and you're quite likely to regret having them young.
I do not regret not having kids in my 20's. I was not established yet. Having had my kids when I did, I can't imagine having had them in my 20's. The world looks so different now. I'm calmer, more mature, take things in stride and wanted my kids just because I wanted them. Too many young women are having babies to try and find meaning in life when if they found meaning in life first, they'd be better mothers.
This is so not about us and looking forward to child free 40's/50's or whatever. It's about the kids and what's best for them. There are many reasons to wait and none to rush things. None that are actually good for our kids that is. Yes there are the perks of being child free at 40 and being carded at your child's graduation party, but is that really worth the risks taken when you have kids young?
I'm so glad that having kids young doesn't run in my family. None of us had kids before, at least, our late 20's. My kids have lots of cousins to emmulate. I probably won't live to see my first grand child born but, hey, this isn't about me. It's about them and it's more important that they are riased by mature, stable, educated parents and are themselves mature, stable and educated when they have their kids than I get to see my grandkids.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 02-07-2009 at 05:16 PM..
I think the right time to have kids is when you're emotionally and mentally ready and have a feasible plan to take care of them. Believe it or not, even in the 21st century, there are people who are ready at 18. Nik, Ivory, you don't seem to this is possible. Let's just agree to disagree. I have no problem with people waiting until they older -- cool. If you don't think you're ready at 25, then you're not ready. If you don't think you're ready at 35, then you're not ready. My buddy doesn't think he's ready to move out at 31 -- ok, he's not ready. I guess he needs a few more years of growth. It takes all kinds.
IT...you keep talking about facts and statistics and yet you have failed to post even one source. Also keep in mind we are NOT talking necessarily about uneducated teen moms as 30 seems to be the age you think old enough to bear children responsibly.
I think the right time to have kids is when you're emotionally and mentally ready and have a feasible plan to take care of them. Believe it or not, even in the 21st century, there are people who are ready at 18. Nik, Ivory, you don't seem to this is possible. Let's just agree to disagree. I have no problem with people waiting until they older -- cool. If you don't think you're ready at 25, then you're not ready. If you don't think you're ready at 35, then you're not ready. My buddy doesn't think he's ready to move out at 31 -- ok, he's not ready. I guess he needs a few more years of growth. It takes all kinds.
No, I don't see it as possible unless said 18 year old has graduated from college and has a career established. At 18, you're barely starting out. What 18 year old has the 6-9 months of bills worth of savings they recommend for security? What 18 year old has established themselves at a job that pays anything? What good does it do to be emotionally ready when you can't give a baby a stable life?
An 18 year old, today, can expect to hold 14 different jobs in their lifetime. WITH a college education they can expect to have a few bouts of unemployment. What in the world are they going to do without one? Go on welfare/WIC?
At 18, you don't know your marriage will make it. At 18, you are not established in a career. At 18 you are not as mature as you will be at 28. At 18 most likely you haven' finished college. Exactly what about being 18 makes one a good candidate for parenthood? To be honest, an 18 year old THINKING they were ready for kids would be proof to me they aren't. If they're thinking, they'd realize they need time to establish themselves and make sure their marriage will last BEFORE they have kids.
Accomplished what? What could you possibly have accomplished by the time you are 25 that's significant enough to be ready for that responsibility? The average person is lucky to have a somewhat-decent job by that point, but the average person is pretty far below the people I know, who still are smart enough not to have kids. Of the people I keep in some contact with, mostly from high school, one just got out of law school and still isn't making anything yet, another graduates from law school this spring, another just graduated from grad. school, same with another still, then another graduates this spring from grad school, these are all people who are 26 years old! They are not ready to have kids. Who would be at this point? Really mediocre people perhaps who started a career at 18 and feel they are "old enough" now because they didn't go and attempt anything beyond total mediocrity.
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Maybe you are in with an immature crowd... When I was 25, I was pregnant with my second child (had my first at 22), able to stay home full time because my husband was making great money, we were homeowners, etc. Now I'm 31, and most of my friends are around my age and have kids around the same age, and it's the same story. Successful husbands, stay at home moms, living comfortable lifestyles.
There's nothing wrong with waiting, but I'm oh, so glad that we decided to have our kids in our early-mid 20s. We travel with them (we went to Europe two years ago and are planning another visit there next year... we're doing Florida this fall), homeschool them, and they are well-disciplined children. I know moms who have had children at 19 or 20 and do what I consider a poor job, and I know moms who are phenomenal and had kids young. I also know a couple of 40-something mothers who appall me with their lack of parenting skills, and several of the same age who are great mothers. It really depends on the individual.
IT...you keep talking about facts and statistics and yet you have failed to post even one source. Also keep in mind we are NOT talking necessarily about uneducated teen moms as 30 seems to be the age you think old enough to bear children responsibly.
Not necessary when they are common knowledge. I haven't posted about anything that isn't.
Try proving me wrong. You won't find anything saying kids are better off with uneducated mothers. You also won't find anything saying that younger couples are less likely to divorce or that divorce doesn't hurt kids. You won't find anything saying that people without educations are more financially stable. Good luck in your search. You'll be trying to prove wrong things that have been accepted for decades.
The only thing I posted that isn't common knowledge, I made clear comes from my personal experience, though, the child abuse stats probably aren't as widely known. There's actually a two for one deal on this one as both young maternal age and lack of parental education are risk factors for child abuse and it's pretty hard to be educated if you aren't old enough to have graduated from college.
"Child abuse and neglect has been consistently associated with:
• Parental poverty.
• Unemployment.
• Lack of parental education.
• Young maternal age."
You have to be 30
You should be college educated
You should have 6-9 months of expenses saved up
You should be established in a career
You should be certain your marriage will succeed
You should not look forward to your kids growing up and leaving the house
Your brain should be fully recovered from it's period of adolescent shrinkage
IT...some people get to be 30, 40, 50 or even DEAD before they could qualify for child rearing under your RIDICULOUS set of standards.
Yes, those things are good things. Do I think you can't be a good and responsible parent unless you have them all checked off?? Of course not.
I'd also like to know why you think college is the end all to being educated? I know plenty of people who are successful and thriving, never been on welfare or unemployed for any significant time and also haven't been to college. Most of these people are entrepreneurs or skilled in a trade, not designed to be cogs in a societal manufacturing machine. The idea that EVERYONE needs to have a college education is a myth, dare I say a LIE. It's the same herding mentality that now infests our government run schools and has led to (NOT) so much success in grades k-12.
You have to be 30
You should be college educated
You should have 6-9 months of expenses saved up
You should be established in a career
You should be certain your marriage will succeed
You should not look forward to your kids growing up and leaving the house
Your brain should be fully recovered from it's period of adolescent shrinkage
IT...some people get to be 30, 40, 50 or even DEAD before they could qualify for child rearing under your RIDICULOUS set of standards.
Yes, those things are good things. Do I think you can't be a good and responsible parent unless you have them all checked off?? Of course not.
I'd also like to know why you think college is the end all to being educated? I know plenty of people who are successful and thriving, never been on welfare or unemployed for any significant time and also haven't been to college. Most of these people are entrepreneurs or skilled in a trade, not designed to be cogs in a societal manufacturing machine. The idea that EVERYONE needs to have a college education is a myth, dare I say a LIE. It's the same herding mentality that now infests our government run schools and has led to (NOT) so much success in grades k-12.
There are lots of things you should be taking care of before you have kids and, yes, that means waiting until you've taken care of them. Kids are not a right. They're a responsibility and if you never get to the point you can take care of that responsibilty, then you don't have them.
College has been the new high school diploma for a while. The future is a tech future. Our kids will not fare well without an education. There are not enough skilled trades jobs to go around and if we maintain our current level of lack of education among our citizens (referring to the united states which ranks pretty low in educational attainment) we will not be able to compete with the world for the jobs that are out there.
It is a fact that lifetime income is linked to educational attainment. Sure there are some who do well in spite of not having an education but they are becomming a rare breed. Fortunately, or unfortunately, however you look at it, we've made it easier and easier to get a college degree. Just about anyone who puts their mind to it can now. And they need to. Jobs that don't require one are going the way of the dinosaur. For the next generation education will be the dividing line between the haves and the have nots. We are headed for a two tiered society and the losers will be the uneducated and, unfortunately, their children.
Yes, I do think college is more necessary today than it ever has been and I think it will be more necessary in the future. Now is not the time to discourage our kids from attending school by telling them how well they can do without an education. THAT IS a lie. Most will not do well without an education. Unfortunately, this means that most simply will not do well.
On the bright side, education is becomming more and more accessable with the internet, on line libraries, on line courses, etc, etc, etc....There's no reason we can't keep up our educations and in a world where the half life of information is getting shorter and shorter, we need to. More than anything, we need to learn how to learn. Education isn't what it was 50 years ago when you learned what you needed for a lifetime in school. Now you learn how to learn and relearn and relearn because in an information age, everything changes fast.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 02-07-2009 at 06:17 PM..
Not necessary when they are common knowledge. I haven't posted about anything that isn't.
Try proving me wrong. You won't find anything saying kids are better off with uneducated mothers, with young or teen mothers or with mothers on welfare/WIC. You also won't find anything saying that younger couples are less likely to divorce or that divorce doesn't hurt kids. Good luck in your search. You'll be trying to prove wrong things that have been accepted for decades.
The only thing I posted that isn't common knowledge, I made clear comes from my personal experience.
OK, so it's a comprehension problem as well as a failure to recognize that common knowledge does not equal fact. (are you really a teacher?? ) It used to be common knowledge that the world was flat. Is that the kind of basis you are using for your argument?
Post some sources that indicate that couples in their 20's are worse parents. We aren't talking about uneducated teen mothers who haven't graduated from high school or you wouldn't have set the hypothetical legal age at 30. Back up your common knowledge or keep it to yourself.
OK, so it's a comprehension problem as well as a failure to recognize that common knowledge does not equal fact. (are you really a teacher?? ) It used to be common knowledge that the world was flat. Is that the kind of basis you are using for your argument?
Post some sources that indicate that couples in their 20's are worse parents. We aren't talking about uneducated teen mothers who haven't graduated from high school or you wouldn't have set the hypothetical legal age at 30. Back up your common knowledge or keep it to yourself.
No, I'm referring to things that were proven so long ago they are no longer questioned. THAT is common knowledge. We're not talking rumors here.
I just posted one about the link between maternal youth and lack of education being linked to increased child abuse/neglect.
"
Both parents are more established in their careers, usu[SIZE=3]ally offering greater financial security. If career issues are ironed out, children are less of a threat. Parents feel like they have time for both their career and family. Mothers have more confidence to manage the changes in their life that children bring because of the organizational skills they have developed in their work. Older couples usually own property or a house, making that one less financial burden. More money also allows for support services or better quality day care."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
Page down to page 10 which has a graph that shows that divorce rates increase for the first, appx, 7 years of marriage and then decreases which decreases a child's chances of being a child of divorce if their parents wait to see if the marriage is going to work first.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 02-07-2009 at 06:30 PM..
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) It used to be common knowledge that the world was flat. Is that the kind of basis you are using for your argument?
