A Very Tough Decision (attorney, legally, support, pregnant)
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I've never posted on this topic because I do not have children. However, a situation has presented itself to me and I'm totally lost as what to do. I have consulted my parents, family and attorney. I'd just like some outside, unbiased thoughts. I'd be appreciative of any responses.
Here's my situation (forgive me for any confusion):
I am 25, female and married for less than a year to my college sweetheart. We would like to have children in 3-5 years but are enjoying our time together right now and paying off debt from our college fun.
Over this past weekend, while visiting my parents, I had a conversation with my mother's sister (my aunt) about her grandson. He is 7 years old and lives in a rented home with his mother and her boyfriend. The grandson's mother (my 1st cousin) just signed away her parental rights to her daughter this summer. My aunt's other daughter (my other 1st cousin) adopted the child (the son and daughter of my cousin are half-siblings).
Now, here's where it gets tricky. My cousin, the mother of the 7 year-old in question, is living with a drug dealer. He is currently on house arrest with 2 strikes against him. A third will send him back to jail. My cousin is currently running his drugs for him to his customers because he cannot leave home. The child is stuck in the middle. He is the sweetest, most precious child. So loving and affectionate. He is having behavior problems in school due to his home life. I won't go into detail, but you can draw your own conclusions. The boyfriend beats the mother in front of the child and he is confined to his room so he won't see anything that he can tell about.
The police are onto the situation and the child may be removed from the home soon. I have been asked if I would consider taking the child. My husband and I are really the only ones in our family who are capable of taking on a child, financially and emotionally, at this time. The sister who took the other sibling is now pregnant with a child of her own and cannot take care of another child.
I have received lots of advice from my attorney and family, but I'm going to ask this question of you. What would you do? I love this little boy so much. He was the ring bearer in my wedding. He doesn't deserve this life that has been chosen for him. I think I've made up my mind, but I just wanted to ask this of you parents. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Wow. How sad for this child. He definately could you some loving parents and a stable home life!
First of all, what does your husband say? Is he for it? It will be a HUGE responsibility for you guys to take in a troubled 7 year old boy. Your husband would be the childs father-figure, so he has to be 100% committed.
Are you ready? If you are working full time, you may want to take some time off to help the child adjust to his new home, new school and new life!
I think if you and your husband agree that you want to take this little boy in, that you should definately do it. Go through a lawyer and legally adopt the child. Check out the schools in your area, and find a good therapist for him to start seeing. He's had a tough life already!!
I hope it all works out. Keep us updated on what you decide!!
i think it would a blessing in the child's life to have parents who love him and can support him in every way. it might be hard on you since you were not fully prepaired to take it on at this time, and in fact were waiting to start your own family. but life doesnt always happen so perfectly. i think you know what you need to do here. make a big difference in this child's life and future.
I agree with the above posts. You'd be doing a wonderful thing for the child and everyone involved, but you and your husband would have to be 100% committed to it. I can't imagine that it will be easy and you have to face the hurdles as a strong couple.
I agree with the others. Make sure your husband is committed. Make sure you are not just making a gut reaction but really, truly want to give this child a life. Don't do it for 3 weeks and then change your mind. There will be tough days. There will be great days. That is just normal parenting. With a child who probably has seen more than most his age, there will be more than your fair share of difficulties. That being said...taking care of a child is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do. You would be changing his whole life. I can't think of anything better or more rewarding than that.
My husband and I have discussed this at length and he wants to take the child. I'm just now working things out with the attorney and the courts to make sure the mother cannot take the child back before the adoption is final. In Florida, he would have to live with us with the state checking in for 90 consecutive days before an adoption can take place. Thank you all for your input. I will definitely keep you posted.
I've never posted on this topic because I do not have children. However, a situation has presented itself to me and I'm totally lost as what to do. I have consulted my parents, family and attorney. I'd just like some outside, unbiased thoughts. I'd be appreciative of any responses.
Here's my situation (forgive me for any confusion):
I am 25, female and married for less than a year to my college sweetheart. We would like to have children in 3-5 years but are enjoying our time together right now and paying off debt from our college fun.
Over this past weekend, while visiting my parents, I had a conversation with my mother's sister (my aunt) about her grandson. He is 7 years old and lives in a rented home with his mother and her boyfriend. The grandson's mother (my 1st cousin) just signed away her parental rights to her daughter this summer. My aunt's other daughter (my other 1st cousin) adopted the child (the son and daughter of my cousin are half-siblings).
Now, here's where it gets tricky. My cousin, the mother of the 7 year-old in question, is living with a drug dealer. He is currently on house arrest with 2 strikes against him. A third will send him back to jail. My cousin is currently running his drugs for him to his customers because he cannot leave home. The child is stuck in the middle. He is the sweetest, most precious child. So loving and affectionate. He is having behavior problems in school due to his home life. I won't go into detail, but you can draw your own conclusions. The boyfriend beats the mother in front of the child and he is confined to his room so he won't see anything that he can tell about.
The police are onto the situation and the child may be removed from the home soon. I have been asked if I would consider taking the child. My husband and I are really the only ones in our family who are capable of taking on a child, financially and emotionally, at this time. The sister who took the other sibling is now pregnant with a child of her own and cannot take care of another child.
I have received lots of advice from my attorney and family, but I'm going to ask this question of you. What would you do? I love this little boy so much. He was the ring bearer in my wedding. He doesn't deserve this life that has been chosen for him. I think I've made up my mind, but I just wanted to ask this of you parents. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
"That which you have done unto the least of these, have you also done unto me" Not only is it what Christ would have us to do, but this is what family is for. That child needs a stable home, and it sounds as thought you love him enough to give it to him.
There is never a right time to have a child - but when a situation like this comes along, it is difficult to turn your back, and the money to take care of him will be there. You will just be like the rest of us - paying bills and raising children.
You will not regret taking this child in, regardless of the difficulties you will face.
Funny, most people think nothing of adopting a pet, but taking in a child is usually where so many things come into play. The 'what if's' of possible behaviour problems cloud their thinking and so many children go without because of what 'might' be. Think about 'what is'.
"That which you have done unto the least of these, have you also done unto me" Not only is it what Christ would have us to do, but this is what family is for. That child needs a stable home, and it sounds as thought you love him enough to give it to him.
There is never a right time to have a child - but when a situation like this comes along, it is difficult to turn your back, and the money to take care of him will be there. You will just be like the rest of us - paying bills and raising children.
You will not regret taking this child in, regardless of the difficulties you will face.
Funny, most people think nothing of adopting a pet, but taking in a child is usually where so many things come into play. The 'what if's' of possible behaviour problems cloud their thinking and so many children go without because of what 'might' be. Think about 'what is'.
Just do it. You will be so happy you did.
God bless you and your husband.
KimmieyKy
I'm almost in tears. I have had to shut the door to my office. Thank you for speaking directly to my heart. I know this is the right decision for him and us. God has always provided for us when we didn't know where the money would come from. I know he will continue to do that for us. Thanks for your advice.
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Great Advice
