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Not sure,As much as i love my 2 kids i need a break from them and being the man in the home i feel its my duty to work. My wife loves being a stay at home mother so i think she would rather stay home than work.
I would work part time because it would allow me to spend a lot of time with my kids while still doing what I enjoy career-wise.
When dd #1 was born I worked full time as a marketing writer at a major corporation. We were living near NYC at the time and needed the second income to survive. I hated it. I felt pulled in a million directions and was always exhausted.
When dd #2 was born my dh had just gotten a job offer in Vermont. I quit work and decided to be a SAHM for a while. I felt very isolated. Plus, having just moved to a new state I found it nearly impossible to make friends and have adult conversations outside of the local playgroups. Also, I missed my career. And our finances took a huge hit even though the cost of living was lower.
When my girls were around three and five I started working part time as a newspaper reporter. The hours were flexible and I loved making a little extra money to help pay the bills and the adult interaction.
I went back to work fulltime when they were both in school. It's worked out well until recently when I became pregnant. I've been vomiting several times a day for the past four months. I'm exhausted, but I want to work until the baby is born so we will have our remaining debt nearly paid off and a cushion in the bank for emergencies.
I plan to take two months off and then return to work parttime if my boss will allow it. Childcare for an infant would cost about half a day's pay and the stress wouldn't be worth it.
Working parttime is the best choice for me at this stage in my life. Even in dh got a huge raise, I would still enjoy having a career/income.
I can relate to (most) of your post,minus the being pregnant part -congratulations and hope you feel better
In any case,we have 2 children,oldest is 7. I decided to stay home only because when we brought our first daughter home (internationally adopted), we were in the process of a relocation and it was just easier to stay home. I am grateful I could make that choice.
At first,after making some friends from a mom's group,I was okay with it,but I missed my career and the social aspects of it.
Honestly now,after being home for 7 years now and having a 2nd child at home. I am not sure that I made the best choice for me.
We have since relocated-again and this time,finding new friends is nearly impossible. Everyone is "from" the area we moved to so they have no desire to meet new people,especially an older mom with 2 younger children. (I am in my 40's with a 4 yr old at home...).
Not to say that we haven't met nice people ,because we have,but it is different.
I am completely isolated with no family around and most of my long time friends have children who are much older than mine.
I am thinking honestly about trying to find a part time job in the fall,but I hesitate because of the cost of child care and the fact that my husband travels frequently for his job. I am not sure that anyone would hire someone on the basis that when their husband is out of town,they don't want to work.... because I don't want to pay the child care for when he is away.
It is a toss up and one that we still need to think about.
I know that I need to get out of the house without my children though and that is an extremely rare thing for me.
My husband and I have NEVER in 7 years gone away without the children and that includes just going out for a nice dinner once in awhile.
All due to our relocations and being comfortable with people we esentially do not know at all.
I don't think that staying home is nearly as wonderful as people think it is,but I didn't go into it thinking that either. There are people who always say "oh how lucky you are,etc..." ,well,try staying home for 3 weeks in a row with no other adult to talk to while your husband is in another country for work. It's great!
If I had some family around or friends I am sure my outlook would be different,but that is my reality at this point.
NYMD67 - I'm sorry you feel so isolated. See if you can join a MOMS Club, MOPS or a meetup.com group, or something. Hopefully your area has something like that.
I would never, under any circumstances, expect the mother of my children to work outside the home. I have never done so. In almost every year of my working life, my income was below the national median, and there was still enough to raise a family on my income alone.
Stay at home because of the time you can take to spend with your kids, and nothing is rushed. When they're in school a part-time job would be OK. It's really such a short time in life.
I would never, under any circumstances, expect the mother of my children to work outside the home. I have never done so. In almost every year of my working life, my income was below the national median, and there was still enough to raise a family on my income alone.
I suppose in a perfect world I would stay home forever and devote my time to volunteering once the kids are in school. "Affording" it is a matter of opinion, to a point. I stay home now and we can afford it for now. But I will need to go back in a few years if we are to have any sort of retirement savings or pay for college for the kids. I'm sure Suze Orman woulds say we can't afford it because we don't have 8 months worth of savings. So, really, what does "afford it" mean? That is rhetorical. I don't expect an answer.
Great point and while I am a SAHM, Suze Orman would have "disapproved" me too since we only have 6 months of emergency stash! Oh well. I am lucky because my husband makes decent money and when I worked, we spent 10 years paying off bills so that I could stay home. Right now, I am the happiest I have ever been. Not only do I get to stay home with the baby (who's 18 months), but I get to volunteer in my 1st grader's class every week, I'm very active on the PTO (who is always in dire need of volunteers) and I have a great mom's group that I meet up with a few times a month to let the baby have "playdates" too. I missed working for about a year because it was weird to not "contribute" to society by working, but once I stopped trying to be supermom and realized that not every day has to be a major production full of singing and dancing and drawing and cuddling, I could find my own way. Life is not a "Playskool" commercial and sometimes I really feel like pulling out my hair, but then I see that the baby knows where her "belly button" is and I know that I am the one who taught her that. I also get to see my oldest the second she is done with school and we get to have great talks about who did what in school today and I realize that a little extra spending money isn't worth it to me.
As a mom who DID work full time when the oldest was a baby/toddler, I know that sometimes it's necessary, and I think that we all need to not judge one another for a decision that sometimes is not ours to make. You can be a great parent AND work full time and you can be a lousy parent who stays home and puts their kid in front of the TV all day. But I know for a fact that you don't have to be "rich" to stay at home.
Honestly now,after being home for 7 years now and having a 2nd child at home. I am not sure that I made the best choice for me.
We have since relocated-again and this time,finding new friends is nearly impossible. Everyone is "from" the area we moved to so they have no desire to meet new people,especially an older mom with 2 younger children. (I am in my 40's with a 4 yr old at home...).
Not to say that we haven't met nice people ,because we have,but it is different.
I am completely isolated with no family around and most of my long time friends have children who are much older than mine.
My husband was in the military until a few years ago and when he retired, we moved to Colorado without knowing a soul. Denver is supposedly full of transplants but I too found that nearly everyone is "from" here (at least in my neighborhood). I had to make an effort to go out and meet people. The first year was pretty lonely (I had to have conversations with myself ) and I waited for my poor husband who had to hear me talk incessantly as soon as he walked in the door. Here are some things I did that could help you too. I too am an older mom (37) with younger kids and I don't find that I have a lot in common with the 20-somethings who have babies in the neighborhood.
I started on babycenter.com. In their threads, there are links to specific states and from there, different cities. There are tons of moms on there who are looking to meet people. I found a wonderful mom's group on meetup.com and do things with them a few times per month. My closest friend was a person I met at the baby storytimes at our local library. We started up a conversation while waiting for it to start and realized we only lived a few blocks from each other. I also see you've got a 7-year old (like me) and have found that I am amazingly busy with her school. The PTO is always in need of help and mine seems okay with it when I bring the baby (what choice do I have?) to events. I think they'd rather have me there with the baby in-tow than not at all. Many of them have become good friends too. It's hard, if you're like me, to venture out on your own to meet total strangers, but the way I look at it, they are obviously in groups like meetup.com because they are looking for the same thing...someone to hang out with. You're not going to find people to hang out with unless you put yourself out there. It's hard but worth it if you can just find ONE person who can laugh with you over margaritas. Life is so much fuller.
As in many things, it has to be a personal choice based on individuals in each family.
I stayed home with my kids until they started school. After that, I was divorced and had to go to work. I hated it. I always wanted to be a stay at home mom forever. Clean house, bake brownies and go to all those school functions. I really missed being a housewife.
I now work PT but at home, but I liked it better when I went to the office two days a week (and did some at-home additional work hours) and was home with my son the rest of the week. It was the perfect blend for me; I got to keep a foot in the adult, work world, as well as have the time to dedicate to doing things with my young son. I think daycare twice a week was good for him, too.
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-congratulations and hope you feel better 
) and I waited for my poor husband who had to hear me talk incessantly as soon as he walked in the door. Here are some things I did that could help you too. I too am an older mom (37) with younger kids and I don't find that I have a lot in common with the 20-somethings who have babies in the neighborhood. 
