Strangers saying something to your kids...

[okpondlady]

More than once when I was trying to teach my child something like "Say excuse me" or "Say Please" "Say Thank You" ect. I have had someone say "OH don't worry about it, it's ok.." and then I will smile and politely respond to them "No it isn't ok, she should remember her manners". But I will say the worst was when my oldest stole a piece of gum from the store and I took her back and made her apologize. Yes, she was upset and crying, she had gotten caught and KNEW she was in trouble. The clerk says "It's ok honey..." At that point I probably wasn't very nice when I said, "No it is NOT ok. She knows better and please don't TELL her stealing is ok." I am sure she wasn't intending the stealing was ok.. just trying to comfort her.

[Stratford, Ct. Resident]

Originally Posted by anifani821

You make a good point.

I raised a very courteous son. The way I would have used that moment as something instructional would have been to have gotten my son's attention in some way, and let him hear me say to the mother and son together - "I am sorry - we didn't mean to be rude." And when the mother said - "Oh, dont worry" (etc) I would have responded - "Thank you for being so understanding" and I would have smiled and gone on.

This would have made the point without it being awkward for all involved. Sure worked for me.

Excellent way of handling it. It is awkward when the parent puts the kid on the spot, and attempts to induce an apology. Whenever it happens, my perspective is that even if the kid apologizes, it isn't sincere. They're just puppeting to appease the parent. A simple quick "sorry" from the parent's mouth is the least embarrassing way of handling it. Chastise the child after the "victim" is out of ear shot.

[DarlaLogan]

Originally Posted by okpondlady

... But I will say the worst was when my oldest stole a piece of gum from the store and I took her back and made her apologize. Yes, she was upset and crying, she had gotten caught and KNEW she was in trouble. The clerk says "It's ok honey..." At that point I probably wasn't very nice when I said, "No it is NOT ok. She knows better and please don't TELL her stealing is ok." I am sure she wasn't intending the stealing was ok.. just trying to comfort her.

That happened to me. I can still feel my heart sink when the clerk leaned over with a big smile and said, "Oh, that's all right!"

As for the "excuse me"s and other mannerly bits we have to instill in usually unwilling little ones, let's look at it from a different perspective. It would never occur to anyone here to bump into someone and not say, "Excuse me." Not a one of us would let a nicety go by without a "Thank you." Most of us remember little, if anything, of what our parents went through to make it happen, so each display of good manners on our part seems to spring from genuine remorse or gratitude. Nope. We're not polite because we're good; we do it because our long-suffering parents drilled it into our thick little skulls again and again and again and...

Back to the present. I bet that poor woman's fake smile was about all she could manage as she watched yet another round of instruction go down the drain.