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As my dad told me, you have never reached adult status or are much of a genius as long as you have to depend on the financial support of the dumbest people you know who happen to be your parents. So, show some respect or go sleep on a park bench.
The other option, going by what you said, is to use tough love to show them how adult you really are. Leave home, make it on your own without going back, then go back when you're ready (not to live, just to visit) and show them what you've made of yourself. I go down there every Thanksgiving and sometimes Christmas - no more than that, so they know I'm working and busting my tail to survive on my own, because that's what they inadvertently taught me...that I'm alone, and nobody is going to pay the bills for me. Thanks guys!
2 days ago our 18 year old daughter walked out of our house. It started when we confronted her about lying to us. She has been skipping school to have sex with a "bad boy" with a seriously bad reputation. She has been partying and failing out of her classes in HS. She has 2 weeks left before graduation and her counselor said she could graduate as long as she came to school and did the work. Luckily, she has been going to school.
The day she came home after we caught her in a lie we told her that we were tired of her acting this way and that we were not going to put up with it anymore. We said that she would have to either straighten up or get out. Well, she left. She is now living with this kid and his mother is involved and said that she was going to help her. She told her friend that she was going to graduate and work two jobs this summer. I think that is great, but do not believe it. She will not even work the part time job she has now. She called in today saying the reason was because her parents kicked her out. She unfriended me on facebook and then offically deleted her facebook. She has given this guy access to all of her accounts including her checking account. She will not speak to me or her father. He went up to the school to talk to her and she said she did not want to speak to us and she will not call home. She is 18 so they will do nothing. We took her phone away and the BF got her a new cell phone. He is calling the shots and she is following along like a puppy dog. We did not raise her to be this way, but she would rather party and be sexually active then follow the rules for 2 more weeks. We told her that the partying could wait until after graduation, but that was not good enough. I feel very sad b/c she has a 3 1/2 year old little sister that adores her and asks where she is all the time. Our 18 year old acts like she could care less about our family. She just threw us away like we were trash. She is running around telling a sob story to everyone that will listen that we are horrible parents and that we kicked her out. Since this we have decided to move and have a fresh start. All I want is for her to graduate and go to college. I want her to be happy and be with someone that respects and loves her. We used to be close, but I do not believe if she ever comes back or speaks to us again that it will ever be the same. I do not want her to get pregnant like I did with her b/c I want so much more for her. I worry about her, but know she is gonna have to learn the hard way. I guess I am afraid of the unknown. I am so angry, sad and hurt. I just don't know how this is gonna play out. Sigh...
I also wanted to add that she has been a very good kid and involved in EC activities in school and just in the last 2 weeks has completely changed and acting crazy. I now realize that the craziness is due to the fact that she recently gave up her virginity to this clown in the last 2 weeks when all of this started. Very sad.
Parenting teens is the hardest thing I've ever done..especially parenting girls. I know you are aware of the fact that she is 18 and there isn't a lot you can do given the fact that now she is an adult. I would encourage you, as hard as it is, to try to keep the communication going between you two. You love her deeply and probably have flashbacks of when she was little and so easy to parent. Now it's completely different. She's breaking away from you and doing things that can potentially affect the rest of her life. If you can continue to love her and hate the things that she is doing that would be great. If you "tough love" it and distance yourself completely from her then more damage may be done and she may run to him and his family for support over her own. Soon enough she will see the light and realize who truly loves her..her family. This can take time and patience.. Don't worry..This boy probably won't be around very long. Love her through her insanity (as many teens are!) and she will come around. My daughter did the same but she moved out on her own. I called her as much as I could and let her know I loved her but and she knew I NOT approve of her choices. She had a little sister at home at the time too. Now I can say that she is 22 and life is much better. She is paying the price today for some of her bad decisions but nothing major. We received many appologies about her past and "i love you's". Hang in there...parenting isn't for sissies.
call the police and list her as MIA....... maybe she is with a BF or GF ........ sometimes you have to let people that includes close family to fall hard before they learn lifes lessons
So, my 18 year old daughter got into an argument with her Dad over chores, and evidently it escalated to "Okay then, I am moving out" Her dad asked was she serious... she packed a few small bags and stormed out. She has moved in with her boyfriend and his entire family. Now my daughter has no money, no job, has not graduated from high school yet and her boyfriend is getting unemployment which he is responsible to pay $500.00 per month to HIS parents toward their mortgage.
It seems at some point and time she had a discussion with the other parents about her coming to live with them, and from what I am getting, somehow the parents seem to be all fine with this. I have no idea HOW it could be fine with them when they are going thru mortgage and financial challenges trying to keep their house. It seems to me the argument over the chores was a convenient exit strategy to do what she wanted to do anyway... which was to leave home with her boyfriend somehow.
My daughter and I have always gotten along well, so this really breaks me down that she COULD put me through this type of heartache. I spoke to her briefly on the phone, I did not have much to say to her because I just have not worked out what my position on all this will be.
Her boyfriend does not get along THAT well with his Dad, so I am thinking that it is just a matter of time before they start feeling that one more mouth to feed and my daughter being there will become a problem. What if she gets sick or has a toothache, I am sure they will hurry up and dump her back on my front steps.
Now as for her boyfriend... he is okay with me, I don't dislike him, he seems to truly care about my daughter but he is 21 and still with his parents, so really these two are like the blind leading the blind! Neither of them are ready for the real world. It just seems she has picked her man over her relationship with her family.
If she came back home today, I would be okay with that and relieved, so this is really not about a battle of wills, who is gonna win out... you must follow my rules or none of that. Her Dad was fussing with her because she had not done her chores. It was really a simple thing. Do you think she is doing chores in her boyfriends family's house? Bet she is... bet she has to!
So I am sitting here, trying to think of all the variables are and how long is this gonna last, and what are the possible outcomes? What do you guys think is gonna happen here... she has been gone going on a week. How long to you think she can hold out. She is the stubborn type... In my view, all roads lead back to me because she has no finances to support herself with. I am very unhappy with this whole thing, and of course the crying comes in waves, much like it does when someone dies, but I am trying to work thru it and sit tight. I have 2 other children 31 and 28 and she is 18. I have NEVER gone thru anything like this.
I was not here when all this went down, I was at work. I am also unhappy with the fact I dont seem to be able to go to work and have some reasonable expectations that things can remain the same when I get back home. This is a potentially life changing event for me. Me and her Dad are walking around like zombies just hoping she will walk back thru the door.
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Honestly ,I would look towards the relationship or the two.You seem as if you are intelligent and have some information regarding the incident.Girls are more easily mislead by boyfriends as boys to their girl friends.If the boy and his father have issues or friction between each other,It could be possible that the tension(experience) may be rubbing off to her.Hopefully ,your daughter thru patience and understanding (pertaining to the the four of you)will see what you want is the best for her.She too has to contribute to her well being and success even after she turns 18.Good Luck and consider all options of approach and be sure not to insult the relationship,his family,etc.If the boy is 21 and at home and seeking unemployment for living,let your daughter see this as it is.She will always be your daughter and hopefully back in our home soon.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. Her dad and I feel it would be a bad idea to call the police because it would open a whole other can of worms and probably make her even more angry at us. She refuses to speak to anyone that will talk any sense into her. I feel that she is acting very cowardly. Her dad feels she will never come back and we will probably not see her for a long time. She is very prideful and cold hearted towards us. We have no way of communicating with her. The only way we think we can is by leaving a message at the school to deliver to her or possibly with a friend. We are unsure if the school or friend will even deliver the message. Last I heard she was showing up to school high. I just do not feel she cares anymore. She is denying us to even see her graduate. She obviously does not want us there. I just don't know what to do at this point. I want to forgive her, but I just don't think I can at this moment. It is just to fresh.
I do understand how you feel! BTDT with my 18 yr old son! It'll hurt like he!! but IMO, let her be, mom. Your chasing will exascerbate her running and her rebellion. Let her live it out! She'll be okay. And you'll go thru that painful but many times neccesary process of pruning and humbling that we parents go through.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. Her dad and I feel it would be a bad idea to call the police because it would open a whole other can of worms and probably make her even more angry at us. She refuses to speak to anyone that will talk any sense into her. I feel that she is acting very cowardly. Her dad feels she will never come back and we will probably not see her for a long time. She is very prideful and cold hearted towards us. We have no way of communicating with her. The only way we think we can is by leaving a message at the school to deliver to her or possibly with a friend. We are unsure if the school or friend will even deliver the message. Last I heard she was showing up to school high. I just do not feel she cares anymore. She is denying us to even see her graduate. She obviously does not want us there. I just don't know what to do at this point. I want to forgive her, but I just don't think I can at this moment. It is just to fresh.
I wouldn't call the police unless you think she's in danger.
Maybe taking a "time out" from each is a good idea especially if there is too much anger between everyone at this time. I know with teen girls, they can feel one way one minute then change their mind the next.
If it were me, I would go to her graduation anyway.
In time, I would suggest family counselling if she's open to it. Find a mediator that can work with your family. Someone that can help her express what she feeling to you especially if she feels she's being attacked. They should be able to share a parents perspectiveo of love and concern as well. It can be a minister, couselor or a respected family friend. The parent whom she has the least amount of anger toward should make the steps toward reconcilliation when you see any sign of an open door.
You should be encouraged that she is going to school. She still cares about her future. Of course you feel angry. She behaving badly and she's too old to spank or send to her room. Letting go is hard.. Don't give up hope..There are kids that have done much worse and have come around in the end.
I have just found out some information that has shocked me and really made me look at her for who she really is. I am so hurt. She is not who I thought she was and now I do not think that I could ever let her back into my home. I will help her if she is in need, but I do not feel that we will ever be able to have a relationship like before. She cannot be trusted and I am so upset about it.
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she has been gone going on a week. How long to you think she can hold out. She is the stubborn type... In my view, all roads lead back to me because she has no finances to support herself with. I am very unhappy with this whole thing, and of course the crying comes in waves, much like it does when someone dies, but I am trying to work thru it and sit tight. 
I have 2 other children 31 and 28 and she is 18. I have NEVER gone thru anything like this.