mothers who had children at young age (pregnant, parents, girls)

[tyandhope]

I'm not sure why some people have such a reaction. I too had my children at a young age. I was 19 when my daughter was born. I still have people who can't believe I'm the age I am now. I think some people are truly surprised by how young we look, at least I hope so.

[deerislesmile]

Originally Posted by tyciol

'Business' is relative, children are not just the business of their parents, they form the present and future's society and how they are brought up affects the future. Being human and making mistakes is forgivable, but glorifying it isn't.

But is there any reason to chastise the young mother after (years after!) the pregnancy? What good does that do? Why do people feel that they have a right to lecture someone about having children that have already been born? It does absolutely no good at all, except attempt to make the young mother feel bad!

Originally Posted by tyciol

Generally, if you wait to have children, even if you did provide a happy lovin home for them, it could have always been much better if you had waited. You could have saved up more money, had a superior education, learned more parenting skills ahead of time, etc. They would also be born in the future, meaning that medical technology will be more advanced and they will live longer. Education and communications technology would have increased so they would have been more informed.

I strongly diasagree with your points here. It is just NOT true that all wealthy, college-educated parents are the best parents there can be, and you don't really learn parent skills until you actually become a parent, so age doesn't really matter there. Likely you would have better people skills in general, but I don't see how a non-parent would be developing parenting skills prior to actually being a parent. And though I agree that deveopment and advances in technology mean that babies born in the future will likely have more health options, that could be said of any baby/parent- ie a 30 year old parent could be told to wait until they are 40 so that the technology could improve. You cannot solely apply this theory to young mothers.

Originally Posted by tyciol

It also sort of sets a bad example if they think having many children at a young age is good idea, because we need to spend more time gaining skill and material wealth.

And in my not so humble opinion, anyone who thinks that material wealth is a requirement or that material wealth somehow defines good parenting should never have kids. The reason that people are currently living in the highest level of debt ever is because they are more concerned about material wealth than about financial or even personal/siritual wealth. Families are working, usually both parents, to finance a life that is often for show- "keeping up with the Joneses", if you will. There are plenty of familes where they are not only wealthy financially, but both parents are very well-educated and have powerful, full time, professional careers. They would seem to be the epitome of what you are suggesting as ideal parents. And 9 times out of 10, they have a nanny raising the kids so that they can focus on the advance of their careers, sure as heck not not on their parenting skills or interaction with said kids.

Originally Posted by tyciol

The reason people are judgemental is that we're constanty striving to better ourselves and to help other people better themselves, and everyone comes to conclusions about what they think is best and ideal, and try to impress that upon others. I think in a lot of cases people scold others for supposed faults to distract from their own.

But what good does this do after the fact. I strongly believe in sex education and self-esteem programs for pre-menstrual women, but what good does it do to tell a young mother that she shouldn't have gotten pregnant? Nobody has a time machine, and she does not have the ability to go back and apply your suggestions to the issue, so why bring it up? It's just rude and condescending, IMO.

Originally Posted by tyciol

Having children is a large part of human culture, and not wating to a later age may have some benefits for them (though I'm not familiar with that science) which could counteract the disadvantages of being born earlier in the future by not having warped genes or something, and by having more able parents.

It's just not an ideology I'm comfortable with as I don't like genes much and think memes are more important, that we should allow for peopl with abnormalities and use technology and engineering therapies to surpass those bridgs. That also parents should be able later in life too, and that possbly seeing them either able or unable at a later age can give them a better expectation of what will occur in the future. Although I suppose awareness of the entropy coming may not be processable for older people so you don't want to wait too late, few parenting methods have advanced enough to establish hardiness so rapidly.

I'm not sure exactly what you are saying. Higher health risks are proven for children who are born to women 35 and older, so there really isn't a lot of room to wait for advances until the health risks start expanding for waiting so long.

OP- I'm sorry people are jerks to you. I was 27 when I had my son and I felt like I was 17- I can't imagine doing it as a teen, and you have my admiration for making through, and making through with your sanity intact!

[cottonwood2420]

Originally Posted by jesslo

I am 26 years old and have a 9 and 8 year old. Yes, if you do the math, I was 17 and 18 years old. I have noticed lately more and more people seem to give me a judging "look" when they see me with my children, and I have been getting more comments such as "How OLD were you?", or "Man, what is the deal with all you young girls laying around popping out babies everywhere?".
Perhaps it is because I often am mistaken for being 18 or 19 years old, as I do look very young, but I was wondering if anybody else gets comments such as these? Both of my children have the same father, we were together for 8 years and were at one time married. I know a lot of people say that young girls are irresponsible and stupid, but what about being human? We all make mistakes and sometimes there are harsh consequences because of them. Did I make a mistake by having kids at a young age? Maybe, but I now have two beautiful human beings that are well adjusted and well taken care of, and I would not have it any other way. I was just wondering if I could get some opinions on why people seem to be so judgemental when it is really none of their business, or is it just the people around here in the area that I live?

Look at it this way, because you had children at a young age then they are only 17/18 years younger than you so you might have more in common with them and you will grow old with them since they are almost the same age as you.

[happymember]

Originally Posted by jesslo

You know, that's a good idea to respond like that. I think the comment that bothered me most was from a male customer at my workplace who overheard me telling a coworker that I had to leave to pick up my kids from school. He actually asked me why girls around here are "popping out kids" so young. I didn't know what to say, I just stared at him for a second with my mouth open then walked away. I know it shouldn't bother me what people think, but lately it's just been getting to me. It's nice to know that not everybody thinks moms like me are "trashy" (for lack of a better word)

A loving and responsible mother is what a child needs,and age has nothing to do with it.Enjoy your treasures.

[emjbulls]

I have experiences like jesslo. I was 29 when my boys were born, am 32 now. I look young, so I get the looks of being a young mom (not to pat myself on the back, but people think I'm typically between 19 and 22) and I've had some people be crappy because they thought I was young with kids and then they become much nicer when I tell them my age and they realize I wasn't a teenage mom.

To address a few of the posts above, I do see why people do pause with young moms. There has been quite a bit of statistical analysis done on the kids of teen moms and there are some significant findings. It doesn't mean that all teen moms are bad, I'm sure there are some very good ones out there, but there are some statistical trends that can't be denied.

[maaci]

I am a single mother of a nine year old boy. I had him when I was a nineteen year old sophomore in college. It took me five years to graduate because I took a year off but I still managed to graduate with many of the people that I entered college with. Since then I have also completed my masters degree. My son is well behaved and gets excellent grades in school. I am now 29 years old and my only regret is that we didn't have another child so that he could have a brother or sister close to his age.

I get the looks at his school functions as the other moms are aware that I am not married, but my son is attending the same private school as their children (without scholarship, might I add) and I am also driving a brand new truck. In a conversation at work, one of my coworkers was commenting on the new unmarried mother wave in Hollywood. She stated that people don't think that they need to be married anymore to have children. This coworker happens to be on her second husband and her kids are nuts (excuse the expression). I asked, "what's worst taking your children through a not so friendly divorce or being a loving single mother who is able to provide for her great little boy?" She turned beat red and apologized if she had offended me.

Yes, I wish my son's dad and I would have worked out but we didn't. We were young when we met and we grew into two totally different people. It would be worst on my son if he had to listen to his mom and dad argue everyday. We are both very involved with our son and all of us are better off without us being in a relationship.

[kloud9kutie]

Im 22 with a 2 1/2 year old 'princess'. Pretty much single since getting 'knocked up' as those haters like to say.. I was pregnant at 19 and had her a month after turned 20. I still graduated, only a semester behind schedule,with my Bachelors. I plan on going back for my masters thanks to my wonderful job that has a program that will pay for it. Having my little girl gave me the motivation to well grow up...if i hadn't had her..i'd prob still be stuck working at the clothes store i was working at during college..instead im wayyy ahead of my party-going friends and MANY of those 'haters' in life with a great paying job, an adorable little girl, a wonderful BF who Lexi (my little girl) adores, a 2006 car, no debt, and am about to buy my own house...OMG IMAGINE THAT..the young 'wh@r#' is more successful than the trash talker. I am very blessed with a wonderful and supportive family who has made such a hard situation turn into a wonderful one!! And let me tell you...i couldn't even imagine having kids past like 35!! with the amt of energy it takes!!! good lord!

And another thing...i KNOW i got stares..but i think my confidence with her prevented people from makin the nasty remarks to me...and hell they probably did...but i never heard them because why would i listen to some stranger..im too busy with my little girl to notice them.

Hold your heads up high darlings...the nasty remarks are just from people who aren't happy with thier own lives.


Oh and im not telling all young girls out there to get knocked up before they are 25! Im just saying people need to stop generalizing. I know many young girls out there have kids and aren't capable of taking care of them..but there are also plenty of older people having kids who aren't mature enough to take care of them either. My heart breaks EVERYDAY i see the news about a child being abused, murdered, ect...by both young and older parents. some people... UGH!!!!!!!!!!

[soontob]

Originally Posted by jesslo

I am 26 years old and have a 9 and 8 year old. Yes, if you do the math, I was 17 and 18 years old. I have noticed lately more and more people seem to give me a judging "look" when they see me with my children, and I have been getting more comments such as "How OLD were you?", or "Man, what is the deal with all you young girls laying around popping out babies everywhere?".
Perhaps it is because I often am mistaken for being 18 or 19 years old, as I do look very young, but I was wondering if anybody else gets comments such as these? Both of my children have the same father, we were together for 8 years and were at one time married. I know a lot of people say that young girls are irresponsible and stupid, but what about being human? We all make mistakes and sometimes there are harsh consequences because of them. Did I make a mistake by having kids at a young age? Maybe, but I now have two beautiful human beings that are well adjusted and well taken care of, and I would not have it any other way. I was just wondering if I could get some opinions on why people seem to be so judgemental when it is really none of their business, or is it just the people around here in the area that I live?

I completely understand what you are saying. I was 20 when I had my first child. My sister was 16. I am 33 now and look 25, I still get looks. I also, get the assumption that because i have 2 children, 9 years apart, different fathers, I must have "slept around" and had "many men in and out" of my bedroom. What's wrong with these people?
I feel for you.

[MSJones]

You know you're a young mother when your child's friends' moms are asking you what the current slang means. This happens to me all the time.

I had DD at 20 and wouldn't change it for the world. Hubby and I (and yes, he's her father ) remember what it was like to be her age, because it wasn't THAT long ago for us. We've grown with her, are extremely close, and are able to talk to her easily about everything.

And, out of all the kids in her homeroom class, we are one of THREE couples who are still married. Take THAT, haters.

[soontob]

Originally Posted by beth ann

Sometimes, as mothers, our children are conceived when we least plan or expect it.....there are young mothers and older mothers and mothers in between. Maybe some mothers may look back and wished they had done things differntly, maybe everything wasn't "planned to a T".....but, our children are blessings from God, no matter when they were conceived. And most of us now, wouldn't trade the world for our precious children.

Bethann,
Thank you for saying that.
Both of my wonderful girls were "oops and I'm pregnant", I am one of few percent who, no matter what, gets pregnant on birth control. They were not planned but I wouldn't trade them for anything. Yes, I wish I had been more prepared, but things happen for a reason and my reason on earth is to be a mom and dad to my girls