please help, divorcing, 14 yr son out of control (divorce, game, parents)
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I am uncertain what to advise my best friend so she asked me to post here. She is going through a messy divorce. SHe has 2 daughters 9 & 10 and a son. Her son is 14, he was always a good, sweet, polite kid (grew up next door to me 1/2 his life) but now he is maturing (you can see this physically so Im sure hormones are all over the place, too) and he has snuck out 2x in the night to be with the girlfriend. He's takin g advantage of the fact or trying to distract himself from the fact that dad is not in the home. He also has been smoking hookah and lying about it. I do not know how to advise my friend, please help. He has stated he wants to live with his mom but go with his dad in the summer. His dad is moving to other side of the country btw. thank-you
The best advice is that your friend should look into getting counseling of some sort for her children, all of them not just the son. Divorces can get ugly and messy especially if there was some ugliness to begin with that caused the divorce to happen. But even under not so ugly of circumstances that may have caused the parents to split, it's rare to see a marriage end amicably, but that is not saying that it doesn't happen. Often times kids play the blame game when divorce is happening. They either blame themselves, or blame a parent or both. This can cause a kid to act out/up.
One must remember that when parents divorce for whatever the reason it turns the lives of their children upside down and they feel stuck in the middle and have no idea where their loyalties should lie, even if it's an amicable divorce. So then there is guilt on top of blame.
Family counseling immediately. This mom needs to gain control of the situation as soon as possible or she'll have a difficult time getting control back ever.
I agree that the boy would probably be better of living with the father. The father must not be a negative influence since his son managed to remain sweet until 14.
Regardless of where he lives during the school year, living with the father in the summer should be an absolute must.
Does your friend have close male relatives who could help guide this boy? Sometimes an uncle or grandfather can be a good role model provide guidance.
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