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"The Jews don't believe in Jesus and if we attend we will be condoning their behavior" and "You are raising him as a Jew".
For the record Jewish people do believe that Jesus existed we just don't recognize his role from a religious perspective. And as I always tell both my son's ,there's as much a chance that Christians are right and Jewish people are wrong as anything.
Because my wife's family is Catholic we are able to preach tolerance and acceptance of different religious beliefs. We've been to many christenings, first communion's and weddings and I think it's great to be exposed to different faiths and practices. I would never shun a milestone event because of religion. What kind of message is that to send to a young child?
You have every right to be outraged. This was an important event in your child's life and they missed it because they're narrow minded. He'll never remember why they weren't there but he'll likely recall their absence.
Last comment on religion: every year my family hosts a huge Chanukah party in our neighborhood and we light nearly a dozen Menorah's (the candelabras used during the holiday, 9 candles total burning at the same time). Most of the people in the house are not Jewish and so when we finish the small ceremony I always crack the joke "Congratulations, you've all been officially converted". For everyone there it's about celebrating a holiday event with friends, not about religion. The next week we usually attend our friends Christmas party complete with Santa Claus bringing gifts for everyone, regardless of religious affiliations.
Haven't we evolved enough to move past the separationist attitudes?
My mother sent me to a jewish nursery school in the early 1970s- as someone who came from eastern european immigrant family who took their catholic faith very seriously, she too heard a lot of grief.
But she was determined that I would get the best care and teaching she could find and it was at the temple.
I went on to make my communion and confirmation and eventually drift away from catholocism. It had nothing to do with what I learned when I was 3 or 4......I dont remember much of it. Rather it had everything to do with the hypocrisy and closed mindedness of the church.
You are doing what's right for your son and I commend you.
My son attends a Jewish preschool. While I am not Jewish nor is anyone in my family, it was a great fit for us. Wonderful teachers that he adores as well as a safe environment for him. He does learn highlights of Judaism (Shabbat, Hamotzi, Hannuka, etc... he even calls his grape juice shabbat juice lol) but this is by no means the focus of the center. This past Sunday he had a "graduation" program which I invited my ex in-laws to attend. He had learned some new songs and was so excited. They refused based on "The Jews don't believe in Jesus and if we attend we will be condoning their behavior" and "You are raising him as a Jew". There are children from ALL faiths and colors who attend this preschool NOT just Jewish children. This really ticked me off. I was upset because the lil guy got his feelings hurt and that they were questioning my parenting ability because he was going to "Turn into a Jew" As if that was the worst thing in to world! I was amazed that so-called Christian people could be so mean and hurtful towards a child. He is bright and well-behaved so it's obvious that his pre-school is doing a fine job helping me raise and educate him. People stink sometimes!
If only adults could remember the line "in the best interest of the child". You sound as if you take this to heart, congatulations to you and your parenting skills. As for the narrow minded grandparents, "never argue with the ignorant, they will pull you down to their level and beat you with experience".
Your ex-inlaws sound very selfish. Maybe its a good thing that your son not be around them much. My oldest 2 are in their 20's now, and its not an easy job explaining why some of their grandparents are the way they are. Now that their grown, they totally understand. I admire you for doing whats right for your son, he will thank you for it! I believe its healthy to raise children around all different kinds of religions and cultures(as long as their safe) Now, if we could just choose our relatives!
You found a wonderful program for your son, he learned, was happy and excited about going that should have been the focus of his grandparents. I think you did a great job and his grandparents need some sense kicked into them.
I sure hope your son didn't hear gr'ma and gr'pa's rude and crude remarks..It is a shame that some christians act this way My inlaws were wonderful people BUT they pretty much thought their non denominational church was THE church and wouldn't attend a funeral service of a friend or relative if it was to be preached by another faith or another doctrine. They weren't loud about it. They would attend visitation and help the family any way they could. They just said they were uncomfortable listening to something they did not believe in. Here where I live some of the people still hold use funerals of loved family members to preach to the "sinners" and try to save them in their grief and painof the loss. I always made sure that my children knew to respect other peoples faith and never invite anyone to church with you unless you are willing to go to their church with them.Sorry, didn't need to add my vent.
I'm sorry to hear of your story. It's unfortunate that your family can't see past this whole thing and just be there for your kid. Unfortunately, they have their convictions and you have yours. Raise your child the best way you see fit and hope that your family will come around. That's about all you can hope for.
Wow! Beyond the negative comments that they made, I would be so upset that my child had worked so hard on his songs and this is his big moment and what's more important seeing your grandchild graduate or agreeing with "religious beliefs"? I think I would have said, "I'm sorry you feel this way, your grandson will be very hurt that you will not be there and is not going to understand the reasoning behind your decision."
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I understand your pain. Our natural instincts are to protect our children from pain and celebrate with them in victory. When someone is not with the program, it's difficult not to be angry.
However, in our anger, I think we need to be very, very careful. I don't think it's good to disparage anyone in front of our children, especially other family members and close friends. (I'm not saying the OP did this, but some posters have indicated they would.) We should be very careful not to poison/sour our children's relationship with others. (Caveat: I'm talking about normal family dynamics, not abuse.) Be as positive about these people as you can possibly be. If necessary (often it's not), explain to your child what the in-laws believe. Tell them that although you disagree, grandma and grandpa are doing what they think is right. We shouldn't expect people to act against their consciences. We'll miss them on this occasion, but that's O.K. because they'll be able to celebrate with us on others. It's O.K., not everyone is going to agree with us and some will disappoint or hurt us. But we can respect the other person's opinion because we love him.
By the time the children are in junior high or high school, they will have figured out family/friend dynamics without our undue influence. Then, it can be productive to frankly talk to them about other people, but still with the emphasis on respect and love even if we disagree with others. And, yes, there will be times when it is appropriate to distance ourselves from others (even those we love).
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My inlaws were wonderful people BUT they pretty much thought their non denominational church was THE church and wouldn't attend a funeral service of a friend or relative if it was to be preached by another faith or another doctrine. They weren't loud about it. They would attend visitation and help the family any way they could. They just said they were uncomfortable listening to something they did not believe in. Here where I live some of the people still hold use funerals of loved family members to preach to the "sinners" and try to save them in their grief and painof the loss. I always made sure that my children knew to respect other peoples faith and never invite anyone to church with you unless you are willing to go to their church with them.Sorry, didn't need to add my vent.
