Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My children, especially my daughter (13) are not at all convinced by our Christian believes and our practice of going to church on Sunday and our involvement in the Church.
What worries me of all this is that if they stop belonging to a Christian community they may stop feeding their inner life and spirituality turning in little egocentric consummeristic, superficial human beings.
I know many people who may not believe in what I believe, who may also be atheist but that nevertheless think about spirituality, search for a deeper meaning in life, reflect about certain values, are critical towards the mainstream values of our consummeristic society, have compassion, feed somehow their inner life and all I wish for my children is that they can do that too even if in the end they stop going to church.
You know there are other things to do with your spare time than going to church, the reason you go to church is probably that it makes you feel a certain way, and maybie your daughter will feel a good way doing things like sports or whatever...
You seem to think that a nonreligious person who doesn't seek "meanings of life" and all that mumbo jumbo stuff would lack compassion, moral, ethics and other natural human "ingredients"... these "ingredients" have been around waaay longer than any current belief system...
My children, especially my daughter (13) are not at all convinced by our Christian believes and our practice of going to church on Sunday and our involvement in the Church.
What worries me of all this is that if they stop belonging to a Christian community they may stop feeding their inner life and spirituality turning in little egocentric consummeristic, superficial human beings.
I know many people who may not believe in what I believe, who may also be atheist but that nevertheless think about spirituality, search for a deeper meaning in life, reflect about certain values, are critical towards the mainstream values of our consummeristic society, have compassion, feed somehow their inner life and all I wish for my children is that they can do that too even if in the end they stop going to church.
To me, these are things you instill in children as a parent because you want them to grow up being good, upstanding human beings. It can be done completely away from religion. And in my opinion, it should. Kids shouldn't grow up doing something or acting a certain way because that is what their religion says to do, but because they have been taught that it is just the better way to be.
I grew up in a very strict, strict religious environment. Left it in my early twenties. My husband and I are both atheist. We have raised our son (now 16) to be opened minded to all kinds of things - I would never want to influence his views in that way as I was. So he has grown up with no religious background. But we have raised him to be honest, respectful, hard workings, etc. I couldn't be prouder of my son - he is a wonderful young man. Get's good grades, very focused on his future, has a part time job, and can't understand why the other kids his age are so interested in partying and drinking....
You don't need religion to raise a good child. And you don't want to count on religion to raise one either.
My children, especially my daughter (13) are not at all convinced by our Christian believes and our practice of going to church on Sunday and our involvement in the Church. What worries me of all this is that if they stop belonging to a Christian community they may stop feeding their inner life and spirituality turning in little egocentric consummeristic, superficial human beings.
I know many people who may not believe in what I believe, who may also be atheist but that nevertheless think about spirituality, search for a deeper meaning in life, reflect about certain values, are critical towards the mainstream values of our consummeristic society, have compassion, feed somehow their inner life and all I wish for my children is that they can do that too even if in the end they stop going to church.
I don't think that is likely to happen. By 13, you have already instilled in her your core values regarding those things. It's not as though religion has a corner on preventing superficiality. You likely are the sort of person who would shun egocentric consummerism with or without your religion, right? And I'm sure she's picked that up.
To me, these are things you instill in children as a parent because you want them to grow up being good, upstanding human beings. It can be done completely away from religion. And in my opinion, it should. Kids shouldn't grow up doing something or acting a certain way because that is what their religion says to do, but because they have been taught that it is just the better way to be.
I grew up in a very strict, strict religious environment. Left it in my early twenties. My husband and I are both atheist. We have raised our son (now 16) to be opened minded to all kinds of things - I would never want to influence his views in that way as I was. So he has grown up with no religious background. But we have raised him to be honest, respectful, hard workings, etc. I couldn't be prouder of my son - he is a wonderful young man. Get's good grades, very focused on his future, has a part time job, and can't understand why the other kids his age are so interested in partying and drinking....
You don't need religion to raise a good child. And you don't want to count on religion to raise one either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801
I don't think that is likely to happen. By 13, you have already instilled in her your core values regarding those things. It's not as though religion has a corner on preventing superficiality. You likely are the sort of person who would shun egocentric consummerism with or without your religion, right? And I'm sure she's picked that up.
I agree with both of you and as I was writing my post those were some of the thoughts that were crossing my mind.
I am also aware that many people are now Atheists or have left the church after having experienced bigotry, double standards and double messages, very strict rules etc in a church or in a very religious family. Thankfully I have experienced the bad but also the good.
As I grew up my church youth groups were a safe place where I could talk about everything that was happening to me, I was offered the opportunity to discover that you can entertain yourself in different ways than just going to the disco, having promiscous parties, starting experimenting in different ways.
I was encouraged to go deeper in my way of thinking about the world and human relationships and something bigger than myself.
I also had two great parents (not very religious at all) and many other interests beside the church.
But what I suppose I am trying to say is that nowadays when the messages children and young adults are bombarded with are that all that counts is to be attractive, rich, cool, have fun at any cost, do what you want when you want it no matter what, at least some churches still have the courage to offer an alternative, to say things that are not considered cool anymore but that to me are important.
It is all very well that I say to my daughter that appearence is not enough and what counts is the innerself, that her body is precious and she needs to treat it with respect but if she can hear this message also in another context where there are other young people who share these same opinions and who try to answer some of the big questions in life in a safe place.
I do not think the church is there to raise my children but it is a voice different from the mainstrem it offers an alternative and i believe our children desperately need an alternative to the edonistic culture of today.
The only time I would be concerned is if whatever they gravitated toward was alarming a some way. DH and I come from different religious backgrounds (both Christrian though). Both of our families are religious. I'm sure they were both a little unsure when we got married and would have preferred it had we each found someone of the same religious background. We have raised our kids to be open minded and embrace the best of the values in religion (we hope). Our kids were baptised in both faiths as we feel this is a ceremony that was really meaningful for the families...The church we currently attend, is not affiliated with either of our backgrounds but one in which we feel comfortable and inspired. We aren't too concerned with being affiliated with any specific religion so much as our kids embracing the values we feel are important in life.
The only time I would be concerned is if whatever they gravitated toward was alarming a some way.
When it comes to religion, many have different views on alarming. Many Catholics and fundamentalists would each view it alarming to leave for the other.
I left the Catholic church for Lutheran, but I would be alarmed if one of my children joined a fundamentalist denomination.
I know many fundamentalists would feel the same way about a child becoming Catholic. Afterall, they view the Catholic church as a cult.
Well, both denominations view the other as a cult.
When it comes to religion, many have different views on alarming. Many Catholics and fundamentalists would each view it alarming to leave for the other.
I left the Catholic church for Lutheran, but I would be alarmed if one of my children joined a fundamentalist denomination.
I know many fundamentalists would feel the same way about a child becoming Catholic. Afterall, they view the Catholic church as a cult.
Well, both denominations view the other as a cult.
Funny! I ended up Lutheran (ELCA), too. Two of my grandparents were Catholic, which the other two were Southern Baptist. My parents are agnostic, and I split the difference.
To me "alarming" would include religions that request/require you to turn away from your family if they were not a part or if they embraced attitudes or actions that focused on hate. Of course every families definition of "alarming" is different as you indicated.
ETA - in my own situation, my husband's family is Catholic and my family is mainstream Protestant (Methodist)...we currently attend a non-denominational church.
I agree with both of you and as I was writing my post those were some of the thoughts that were crossing my mind.
I am also aware that many people are now Atheists or have left the church after having experienced bigotry, double standards and double messages, very strict rules etc in a church or in a very religious family. Thankfully I have experienced the bad but also the good.
As I grew up my church youth groups were a safe place where I could talk about everything that was happening to me, I was offered the opportunity to discover that you can entertain yourself in different ways than just going to the disco, having promiscous parties, starting experimenting in different ways.
I was encouraged to go deeper in my way of thinking about the world and human relationships and something bigger than myself.
I also had two great parents (not very religious at all) and many other interests beside the church.
But what I suppose I am trying to say is that nowadays when the messages children and young adults are bombarded with are that all that counts is to be attractive, rich, cool, have fun at any cost, do what you want when you want it no matter what, at least some churches still have the courage to offer an alternative, to say things that are not considered cool anymore but that to me are important.
It is all very well that I say to my daughter that appearence is not enough and what counts is the innerself, that her body is precious and she needs to treat it with respect but if she can hear this message also in another context where there are other young people who share these same opinions and who try to answer some of the big questions in life in a safe place.
I do not think the church is there to raise my children but it is a voice different from the mainstrem it offers an alternative and i believe our children desperately need an alternative to the edonistic culture of today.
I can understand that, and it's good that you realize that often at her age what her peers say and think will have an influence. If she isn't going to want to be involved with church activities like youth group in the future and you see her leaning toward friends with whom you aren't comfortable, maybe the best bet is to just ever-so-casually ask her questions about any negatives, like "what is it about xyz that you think is cool or attracts you?". Not in a judgmental or preachy way, and I'm guessing that you get that, but to throw the thinking process back on her and cause her to question things herself. It will take the fun out of any rebelling against her upbringing if you aren't confrontational, and since you've already taught her so much up to this point, it's likely she will be able to figure things out on her own/adopt your values as her own.
I remember at the parents assembly at the start of high school the principal said, "Your kids need attention more from you now than they did when they were in kindergarten." She was right, too. 13 is a nerve-wracking time for a parent!
By the way, to be clear, I agree with you wholeheartedly on the importance of teaching kids anti-materialism. It's tough when there is so much thrown at them through advertising, plus I was a single mom raising her in a town where most of her peers were wealthier than we were and had all the "accessories."
I took my daughter to church when she was very small and then wasn't involved with any church from the time she was about 5. (I am, however, a pray-er and taught her to make that part of her life.) She had a friend whose father was a pastor and eventually started going out with her brother, and she was involved in the youth group throughout her entire high school years. They did a lot of fun activities as well as community service. Your daughter may very well choose to hang out with the church kids in the end anyway.
Thank you Mightyqueen!!! I can't rep you anymore but I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your words and I definetely agree with your way of looking at the issue.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
