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I wouldn't want my sons or daughters help just because they felt oblidged to me.....course I don't have to worry about that cause they really love ME and should the time come where I need their help, they will freely offer......I agree with NJBests above answer as well....you might think you can...but you really can't buy love,...nor respect!!
We borrowed $100,000 to send our daughter through college, that she was going to pay back when she graduated. That didn't happen and infact she couldn't find a job in her field after college and moved back in with us. We pay her car payment, insurance, cell phone and for cloths. I found her a job at my company making $70,000 per year but she quit after 1 month, they require her to be a work during certain hours and it doesn't fit in her life. We are fortunate that we can afford all of this, but 15 years from now if we needed something and she was in a postion to help, she has no obligation, give me a break.
I hope there's plenty more where that $100k came from because I'm pretty sure you'll be supporting her kids and a boyfriend or two in years to come. You may think you're doing your daughter a favor by shielding her from the real world but if something were to happen and you actually do need help in 15 years time all 3 of you will be up the creek.
As an adult child I am on the receiving end of two parents who think they are entitled to my husband and I's money...all because they concieved me.
My mother believes because she had a horrible childhood and marriage she feels that we as children should spoil her. She recently went on a trip to Puerto Rico and blew a few whole paychecks, did not pay any of her bills or rent and has asked my siblings to do it for her because we 'have' to after all she raised us.
My father on the other hand cries poverty and feels that we should help him out because he has a 12 year old daughter and he is afraid she will have nothing when he dies. My father never ever paid child support or was there for any of his kids.
I will not give either of them a dime.
Every circumstance is different and as a parent I do not expect Toddler X to take care of me in my golden years. I do not expect a penny from him. All I want is his love, occasional visits and time with my grandchildren. I would be ashamed if I ever had to rely on Toddler X to lend me money or help me out.
As an adult child I am on the receiving end of two parents who think they are entitled to my husband and I's money...all because they concieved me.
My mother believes because she had a horrible childhood and marriage she feels that we as children should spoil her. She recently went on a trip to Puerto Rico and blew a few whole paychecks, did not pay any of her bills or rent and has asked my siblings to do it for her because we 'have' to after all she raised us.
My father on the other hand cries poverty and feels that we should help him out because he has a 12 year old daughter and he is afraid she will have nothing when he dies. My father never ever paid child support or was there for any of his kids.
I will not give either of them a dime.
Every circumstance is different and as a parent I do not expect Toddler X to take care of me in my golden years. I do not expect a penny from him. All I want is his love, occasional visits and time with my grandchildren. I would be ashamed if I ever had to rely on Toddler X to lend me money or help me out.
YOU ARE MY JUST SO MY KIND OF PERSON !!!!!!!!
(yes, I am screaming that)
It is all about the choices we make in life, and I will be damned if I am going to pay and or suffer because of someone else's bad choices. That is not my problem.
I am in the same boat as you. Having 3 sons, This Papa is waiting (patiently) LOL, for the grandchildren.
It is all about the choices we make in life, and I will be damned if I am going to pay and or suffer because of someone else's bad choices. That is not my problem.
I am in the same boat as you. Having 3 sons, This Papa is waiting (patiently) LOL, for the grandchildren.
Thank you Nightcrawler! I would rep you again but must spread the love around.
Oh...well...I don't know what to say. My Mom just called me to "borrow" money, AGAIN. Her life is a crisis. The problem is she had a Mama who always gave her money...that Mama died...so...who does she go to now? And what should I say? "No, forget about it, you can't have your teeth fixed or your medicine, or whatever ever it is that she needs..." and every month it is something.
As for my kids, I don't expect anything...and I definitely did not go $100,000 grand in the hole for any college tuition! They lived at home, and had jobs for college...and they all work now full time, and don't live at home.
Oh...well...I don't know what to say. My Mom just called me to "borrow" money, AGAIN. Her life is a crisis. The problem is she had a Mama who always gave her money...that Mama died...so...who does she go to now? And what should I say? "No, forget about it, you can't have your teeth fixed or your medicine, or whatever ever it is that she needs..." and every month it is something.
As for my kids, I don't expect anything...and I definitely did not go $100,000 grand in the hole for any college tuition! They lived at home, and had jobs for college...and they all work now full time, and don't live at home.
oh well, thats her problem, not yours.
you are the one in control, you will either allow it, or you wont.
people like that that have crisis, will constantley have crises.....it isnt your life or your problem.
I got anxiety reading this thread. I see the issues in my future.
My semi-dysfunctional mother who I feel has many narcissistic traits, and who has made me miserable for most of my life, will one day get old and truly need assistance. No doubt she'll expect me... with the guilt guns a blazen, to take her in.
There is no way that I expect anything from my son. All I want is a few minutes of his time and the feeling that he cares. Like, Hi Mom and Dad, how are you doing? He never asks about us, and he only grunts when we ask him questions. I'm at my wits end with how to have a relationship with him. He is my only son and I love him dearly and would never expect anything of him, only his respect and love. What do I do?
The only obligation I have to my parents is to live well and become a good parent myself. They kept telling me that I don't need to repay them with money or material things for everything they have given me because that's their obligation as a parent -- to provide for their children, which they expect me to do. Helping my parents with finances has never been an obligation. Doing so is a privilege for me; I feel happy when I am able to give my parents something, even if they don't ask for it.
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