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I would be concerned about treating it as a control issue without a discussion with the doc. IMO this goes beyond the need to control environment. Does she have routines at daycare that cannot be disrupted? What would happen if you suggested - how about 5 sips tonight? or something along those lines?
To me, based on the description these go beyond needing to call the shots and are crossing into ritualized behavior. Does she have the words to tell you what she thinks will happen if these things don't get done in just the right way? What might happen if she takes 5 or 7 sips of water? See if you can discuss these things when she is calm and not in the middle of her routine. The doc will be interested in her answers.
I really appreciate all of your responses. Sounds like some of this might be normal 3 year old stuff, but some of it might not be. I will email her pediatrician and schedule an appointment if they agree, since she's not due to go back for another 9 months otherwise.
In the meantime, I am definitely going to ask her some questions about her behavior when we're not in the moment. She's very verbal so I think this is a great idea.
And to the person who mentioned the boy at daycare and it was more like it was "wrong" as opposed to just not how he wanted it... this is pretty much the same type of reaction my child has. Like if I do it differently, I'm not doing it correctly.
Mine does the same thing. We've always tried to follow a routine. I think my daughter finds some comfort in knowing what is going to happen next and that sleep is at the end of it all. Bathtime, pjs, toothbrushing, ear cleaning, lotion on the cheeks, storytime (with a cuddle toy), lights out and Mom or Dad there for about 10 minutes. If she's still awake, a gentle kiss and 'good night'.
There's so little they can control, and so many new things thrown their way each day. Having a familiar routine is like an airplane making a long runway approach to a gentle landing.
Mine does the same thing. We've always tried to follow a routine. I think my daughter finds some comfort in knowing what is going to happen next and that sleep is at the end of it all. Bathtime, pjs, toothbrushing, ear cleaning, lotion on the cheeks, storytime (with a cuddle toy), lights out and Mom or Dad there for about 10 minutes. If she's still awake, a gentle kiss and 'good night'.
There's so little they can control, and so many new things thrown their way each day. Having a familiar routine is like an airplane making a long runway approach to a gentle landing.
She sounds ok to me!
Having a routine is one thing. My kids always knew when to expect a snack, that nap came right after lunch, etc. Many kids are used to a bed time routine. But I think the very specific way that the OP's daughter insists that the toothpaste be put on the brush, the number of sips of water, how she sits to drink her water, and the fact that she throws a huge tantrum if anything varies, points to something other than the normal need for routine.
Sounds a bit like possible OCD, my DD has a mild case of it. The fixation on a particular number sounds familiar. She was into sorting, stacking, and counting. The worst thing was probably her tendency to hoard useless things, we did have to have some professional help with that.
If it is OCD, catching it this early might be a blessing.
She sounds very precise. Mine was but got over it. Sorting by color, size, weight, etc., her food and toys, everything, from the time she was about 6 months old. Turns out she has a very high IQ and her spacial is 10 points higher.
Maybe she is insisting on all of this stuff because you have played along for a period of time and it has become habit. She may not remember why 6 sips, but because it has been for a while, that's what it should be. The same with the rest of her little quirks.
She will learn that the world won't end if she takes 5 sips, but when she is asked and left to decide, she will always choose what she is used to. Talk while she is sipping so she doesn't count. Put a different amount of water in her cup. Ask her questions while doing teeth so she can't fixate on her habits and has to think about something totally unrelated during the process. If it is no longer her decision how and when something is done, she will have to change to suit what is now expected by you, not her.
Perhaps if you make changes in those particular things and allow her to have choices in other things, varying from day to day, she will work herself out of the habits. If she has a fit, she'll get over it.
Update- so I asked my dd in the car yesterday why she likes (didn't say needs...haha) to take 6 sips of water and she said because when she turns 6 she can take the school bus to school. :-)
Then I suggested that we try four sips of water tonight because she's going to turn 4 on her next birthday. She said "ok" and then said, "and the next time we'll do 5, and then 6, and then 7".
I talked to my dad about this behavior and he thinks I'm making a big deal over nothing and kids this age really are trying to establish their own structures and control. He essentially said, "roll with it and just make sure you're in charge of the big issues".
Good to hear the update, sounds like 3 year old thinking! Especially if you can work her out of the specificity (numbers, etc) without her freaking out, I would be less likely to suspect a problem. Always better to discuss things in a calm place, rather than in the moment. You just never know what is going on in those little minds!
I'm a prek teacher and I work with 3 year olds everyday. I don't think the behavior is out of the ordinary for now. I notice that children in my class also do things in similar ways everyday and if I interrupt them then they get irritated so I just let them be. I notice it a lot more with numbers too. I think sometimes when they are learning to count and do new activities, their brain wants to do it over and over.
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