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My two kids and my wife with her grad schooling have definitely subtracted from my financial net worth, but I never look at it like that. My family has added so much more to me in terms of happiness, joy, fulfillment, that I'd never consider them a financial drain. I do what I can to make sure they're happy and that I'm there for them.
It would be extremely rare that a parent comes out and says their children were a massive burden, caused undue stress and they wished they didn't have them in the first place. I'm not saying everyone feels like this but everyone can't feel as though children are the best thing that ever happened to the either. It's not socially acceptable to go the other way
That's true, but I think many of the positive comments here are coming from posters that are financially secure. That makes things so much easier.
That's true, but I think many of the positive comments here are coming from posters that are financially secure. That makes things so much easier.
Certainly thats a big factor. For me, having a child pushed me to seek deeper financial security. Money does play a big role in establishing a healthy and happy family. God knows, we have struggled with money.
Let me say this out loud, having a family adds a lot of stress to my life. its a massive responsibility. They are a HUGE burden. that I have to carry alone. This was a very difficult thing for me to accept, I was married in my mid-20s.
But I realize now, that anything worth achieving requires sacrifice. This is true for those without kids too. IMO, something being difficult and a PITA is not mutually exclusive to being deeply rewarding and fulfilling.
Sure, kids will set you back, but I know of many very successful couples, one posted here already, that have high NW with kids. It seems that what you do is you marry a gainfully employed professional. You both work and save diligently and don't have kids until the wife is over 30-32.
Adult kids can be very helpful for when you're old. If you treat them well, they'll still be in your life and actively help you out, which can make all the difference in quality of life and maintaining independence. I saw this a lot as a home health care aide.
Or you can be like my mom. She was a terrible mother. She was married for 30 years to a multimillionaire (like, as in, $7mm), but after the divorce 13 years ago she's done NOTHING to set herself up for her future. I called her yesterday in fact, to ask if she has long term care insurance... she said to me, "nope, I've decided to get on medicaid". Her plan is to use up ALL her assets until she's literally in the poor house living on the government dole. Blows my mind. She said, "None of my friends have kids and we just sit around (in a pricey restaurant) wondering what we're going to do!".
Maybe they should have had kids. Maybe they should have thought ahead. Maybe they should have been nicer people.
Kids are great and can be great for your future, but you have to be kind to them.
I disagree with the part about having the kids later. My friends that have the later in life kids are just dealing with the expense and time away from work later instead of sooner. No matter what you're situation children take at least one parent away from their job now and then. Some more than others and things always come up. I know if I would have waited instead of having them in my twenties there's just no way I'd be doing as well as I am.
It would be extremely rare that a parent comes out and says their children were a massive burden, caused undue stress and they wished they didn't have them in the first place. I'm not saying everyone feels like this but everyone can't feel as though children are the best thing that ever happened to the either. It's not socially acceptable to go the other way
I'm starting to agree more and more with you and MathJak for some reason .
It's just not politically nor socially correct to tell your 2 kids the following, "Son and Daughter, you were and still are a damn drain on me and your mother financially. We have to work extra hours, take fewer vacations, and we might not ever see a decent damn retirement because of your costs. Plus the mental toil you have taken on our mental health by just dealing with raising you two, on top of the financial strains, sometimes me and your mother want to kill ourselves! Or at least, drop you BACK off at the hospital!"
You can't tell your kids that, but unfortunately, this is the truth for the vast MAJORITY of American families with kids. Only a small percentage have it "all together and organized".
Notice I'm talking about just families now, but when we get into the situation of the Black Community (where I come from), WE don't have any damn families. It's just "Momma" raising us and the Government throwing her some welfare, food stamps and WIC checks. And when "Momma" has to go to work, we are dropped off here, there, strange baby sitters watch us, etc., because the guy that "Momma" had us by is no where to be found or LOCKED up in a prison cell somewhere.
OK this somehow turned into a discussion about having kids. Here's my thoughts. I have two. When my second was born severely handicapped I didn't have anymore because I thought it was the responsible thing to do. No amount of time or money can fix it and he will always be dependent on me as long as I'm alive and government services his whole life. I would have had more otherwise. Sometimes being a responsible adult means facing sad realities like this and doing the right thing.
I know several women that have may have mental problem that always makes them want that little baby, so they keep having them. I won't list the reasons why this is selfish. To keep it short they don't have the time or the financial means to do a good job of it and raise them right. If you get to this point or know that one more child will put you there, at that point it is selfish to have more.
I also think that if you are smart enough to see that children are an important big deal and know that having them isn't for you there is nothing wrong with this. Childless people have more of their time to devote to other things. I think society needs childless people. And family, everyone has family. You still have family members and relationships. More than one way to have family.
I'm starting to agree more and more with you and MathJak for some reason .
It's just not politically nor socially correct to tell your 2 kids the following, "Son and Daughter, you were and still are a damn drain on me and your mother financially. We have to work extra hours, take fewer vacations, and we might not ever see a decent damn retirement because of your costs. Plus the mental toil you have taken on our mental health by just dealing with raising you two, on top of the financial strains, sometimes me and your mother want to kill ourselves! Or at least, drop you BACK off at the hospital!"
You can't tell your kids that, but unfortunately, this is the truth for the vast MAJORITY of American families with kids. Only a small percentage have it "all together and organized".
Notice I'm talking about just families now, but when we get into the situation of the Black Community (where I come from), WE don't have any damn families. It's just "Momma" raising us and the Government throwing her some welfare, food stamps and WIC checks. And when "Momma" has to go to work, we are dropped off here, there, strange baby sitters watch us, etc., because the guy that "Momma" had us by is no where to be found or LOCKED up in a prison cell somewhere.
And why would you tell you kids that? For a start, anyone breathing with one synapse between their ears knows that will be the case before they had kids. Secondly, you had the kids. Its not their problem.
When you get a dog you have to feed it and take it for a walk each day. That's the way it is. Whining about something you chose to get into is preposterous and childish. Screw PC or socially correct - just grow the hell up and deal with consequences of the actions you take as an adult.
And why would you tell you kids that? For a start, anyone breathing with one synapse between their ears knows that will be the case before they had kids. Secondly, you had the kids. Its not their problem.
When you get a dog you have to feed it and take it for a walk each day. That's the way it is. Whining about something you chose to get into is preposterous and childish. Screw PC or socially correct - just grow the hell up and deal with consequences of the actions you take as an adult.
Kids can be great but just because you are "kind" to the doesn't mean they will be there for you later. I've seen plenty of people spend more on their kids, their kids do dumb ***** that their parents paid for that far outweighs cost of long term care
That's not parenting, that's enabling. That trait runs strong in my mother's side of the family. Pay their kids to go away.
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