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This is being touched on in a current thread but i don't want to highjack that.
I consider myself a fiscally conservative person and before I take an important personal step I should appreciate comments and insights.I shall ultimately consult my financial planner also but I want to evaluate what I need to think about first.
My situation: I am divorced,recently retired, own my home, have no debts and have a portfolio that should provide comfortably but not profligately.
My assets are fairly comparable to those of my SO although he earns a significant income and plans to work for a few more years. My retirement portfolio is twice his because of his divorce settlement. He has alimony to pay for at least three years. He has no debts but a mortgage in both his ex's and his name. Ex has to pay the mortgage from the alimony of $5000 a month. If she sells the equity will be shared.We have seven children between us and two of his children refuse to have contact with me
My questions is what would be the advantages or disadvantages for either marriage or continuing cohabitation? I am thinking only of economic factors currently; I appreciate that many would not cohabit without marriage on religious grounds. I also think this may sounds rather cold and unromantic but for the purpose of this post , I am thinking of economic planning only.
If I cohabit what financial protection might we expect from each other? What are the advantages of marriage? less tax?
My instinct is marriage but I want to think it through.
I am nervous about making a stupid financial oversight from which I could not recover at my age.. I trust the sound judgement and experience of many posters here. Please have my back!
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You need to see an attorney before considering marriage. No one here can you adequate advice.
If you marry, at a minimum you should have a solid pre-nup and a strong will/trust/beneficiary plan with your intents clearly spelled out. Based upon the information you gave, there are other considerations too, especially your house and the one he owns with his ex.
Make sure you know what will happen if you marry and then predecease him. Your assets could pass to him, then if he dies soon after they could pass to his children, including the two who don't speak to you. Or if he remarries again and then dies, your assets could go to wife #3.
If you are planning on co-mingling money there will be huge inheritance issues because of all those children! Seven people will never agree on anything. Even if all of them are reasonable individuals. Next, what if he becomes disabled? Do you want to pay his alimony? 5K a MONTH...OMG!
I think the lawyer is going to advise you to just live together!
You need to see an attorney before considering marriage. No one here can you adequate advice.
If you marry, at a minimum you should have a solid pre-nup and a strong will/trust/beneficiary plan with your intents clearly spelled out. Based upon the information you gave, there are other considerations too, especially your house and the one he owns with his ex.
Make sure you know what will happen if you marry and then predecease him. Your assets could pass to him, then if he dies soon after they could pass to his children, including the two who don't speak to you. Or if he remarries again and then dies, your assets could go to wife #3.
All of the above, to begin with. Excellent point made here. Your situation is very complex. Also find out what will happen to his pension and/or Social Security when he retires or dies. In some states (maybe all - I'm no expert) the ex can be entitled to a substantial percentage of these benefits which could impact your allocation should he predecease you. Additionally, I have a friend who just found out that her husband's pension has no right of survivorship due to a clause specific to a partnership agreement in his law firm made many, many years ago. It is airtight and she was blindsided. She is going through a major adjustment in her long-term planning as he is not well and the future is looming. So check out all the fine print with your attorney.
You need to see an attorney before considering marriage. No one here can you adequate advice.
If you marry, at a minimum you should have a solid pre-nup and a strong will/trust/beneficiary plan with your intents clearly spelled out. Based upon the information you gave, there are other considerations too, especially your house and the one he owns with his ex.
Make sure you know what will happen if you marry and then predecease him. Your assets could pass to him, then if he dies soon after they could pass to his children, including the two who don't speak to you. Or if he remarries again and then dies, your assets could go to wife #3.
This. And you need to decide who makes decisions if you become disabled: does he, or does a family member. This needs to legally set up, especially if you marry.
Every state is different. Some are community property states, and whether that is the case where you live has bearing on this issue as well.
I'd see an attorney by myself first. You need to know what your rights would be as spouse vs cohabitant.
With the accumulation of an estate comes the responsibility to manage it well; that's why you need to have legal safeguards and knowledge of how to do that, which you get when you use an attorney.
Depending on the skills of the attorney, you might want to get some advice about taxes, as well.
Another vote for getting advice from a lawyer first.
One of my friends is in a similar situation, except that she already got married. She was a widow and the new husband was a widower, and they found out that they had to be single at a certain age to get social security from their deceased spouses, so they very quietly divorced, claimed the social security, and then remarried. She was embarrassed about getting divorced and married again but it made good financial sense.
I don't think there's anything wrong with cohabitation instead of marriage if it's better for you financially. Some older folks will have a commitment ceremony rather than a legal marriage because they want to make vows but do not want the legal entanglements that a marriage will involve.
The worst case is your spouse lands in a nursing home for a couple of years and Medicaid/your state confiscates your assets to pay the nursing home bill. An experienced attorney can probably structure things so you can protect your assets.
Here's the Medicaid page about spousal impoverishment. It has a link to the 2016 schedule. In 2016, you can only protect $119,220 of your assets. Some states may protect more. https://www.medicaid.gov/medicaid-ch...ment-page.html
In 2016, there's no particularly compelling societal/moral issue to get married most places in the country. You have to sit down and do the math to see whether it's to your economic advantage to marry.
I have 3 sets of friends who are in similar positions. All 3 couples saw attorneys and financial planners and decided not to marry.Two of the women saw attorneys separate from those of their SO. Then they sat their children down and explained everything to them so they (and grandchildren) would understand that it was not a lack of love or commitment but a practical outlook which kept them from getting married. One couple is in their late 70s and the other two are in their early 70s.
Personally, I would not get married but some register as domestic partners depending on the state.
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