Cohabitation (living together before marriage): Right or Wrong? (Christian, girlfriend, women)

[tvdxer]

Vote in the poll.

I voted "No!" Personally, I think it's gravely immoral because of my Catholic religious beliefs. Around 98% - 99% of couples who are cohabitating are also fornicating. Of course, you can make the argument that the vast majority of unmarried couples cohabitate, but living together turns that into a virtual certainty.

Additionally, couples who cohabitate before marriage have been shown by many surveys to have a significantly higher divorce rates than those that do not shack up. This could be a result of the (potentially) higher religious devotion of couples who do not cohabitate. Another theory I have is that partners who cohabitate are known to live with several partners in a serial fashion. For example, a normal cohabitating individual will live with his girlfriend for two years, break up, take on another girlfriend, move in with her, live with her for a year, then get in a fight with her and break-up, find another girlfriend and move in with her, and so on. This, in my mind, is perfect training for divorce.

[lovesMountains]

where's the poll?

[lovesMountains]

Oh, there it is

I voted yes during engagement - BUT that is providing there is a definite engagement period.

None of this being engaged 4 years cr#p.

[Big-Bad-John]

That's the ONLY way to do it! You have to try it out first before buying. If she PINGS and KNOCKS...... she might be more maintenance than you are willing to put into her. Can you put up with me? Can I put up with you? How the hell do you know if not? At this stage in my life, I don't need or like guessing!

[pokerpokerpoker]

If you don't live togheter before and wait til marriage to do that and wait until marriage to have sex... What if the woman has a non-existant sex drive? That can't be worked out, thats it, you'll have to take out a divorce asap and waste tons of money on that and give half of your earnings to her(and vice versa).

I couldn't be with a woman who has that strong religious beliefs, sex is important and christian women who wants to wait till marriage probably tends to be the kind of women who are pretty much asexual or super conservative about it.

And Lol at "gravely immoral"... tons of couples move in togheter before marriage and it works out just fine. It always pisses me off when hardcore christians like you think they are the ones to decide whats right and wrong.

[tvdxer]

Originally Posted by pokerpokerpoker

If you don't live togheter before and wait til marriage to do that and wait until marriage to have sex... What if the woman has a non-existant sex drive? That can't be worked out, thats it, you'll have to take out a divorce asap and waste tons of money on that and give half of your earnings to her(and vice versa).

I couldn't be with a woman who has that strong religious beliefs, sex is important and christian women who wants to wait till marriage probably tends to be the kind of women who are pretty much asexual or super conservative about it.

And Lol at "gravely immoral"... tons of couples move in togheter before marriage and it works out just fine. It always pisses me off when hardcore christians like you think they are the ones to decide whats right and wrong.

Moderator cut: Agreed. Enough with the religious debate.

In an ideal world, sex wouldn't be the focus of marital relationships. Mutual love would be. I am not saying that sexuality is not a critical component of a married relationship; however, it is not the center. In addition, those relatively few couples who wait until marriage experience partnered sexuality as a mutually new thing; they don't have the jaded sex lives of sexually experienced individuals to whom "sexual performance" or "compatibility" is essential. They can adapt their sexuality to one another.

And again, those couples who live together before marriage have a statistically (and practically) significant higher rate of marital dissatisfaction and divorce. There may be an exception, according to one study, for women who have lived with only one partner prior to marriage; but many, if not most, cohabitators live and have sex with multiple people prior to marriage. So your point about divorce is invalidated, and your argument fails to match up with reality.

[carra]

I'll only say that I don't see it as right or wrong, just as something necessary. Spending a few evenings with your partner doesn't mean that you actually get to know them, and some (important) facets of life together, from handling common responsibilities to sharing a bathroom in the haste of the morning, just can't be known unless you actually live under the same roof.

I can't count the cases of marriages that broke because of these issues, and don't even get started on sex issues. All those marriages should never had happened, so they were broken in a couple of years. That in itself is not such a bad thing, but the problem is that many of them did have a kid by then... No child should be going through that, and if the way to avoid it is living together before marriage, then God bless it.

[miyu]

Originally Posted by tvdxer

Around 98% - 99% of couples who are cohabitating are also fornicating.

You can also be sure that 98-99% of couples who are not cohabitating are also fornicating. Catholics have their own rules but I find a lot of hypocrisy in their following. For example the worst offenders of having children with multiple partners out of wedlock, and teenage pregnancy = Catholic. Of course you can pretend that they are not "true Catholics". But this goes to show that religion itself has no determining factor on morality. Most people I know who are adamantly against premarital sex have already had sex before they adopted such ideas against sex. To have tasted of the fruit and repented does not really count as virtue.

[pokerpokerpoker]

Originally Posted by tvdxer

I don't decide the rules, God does. But enough with the religious talk...

In an ideal world, sex wouldn't be the focus of marital relationships. Mutual love would be. I am not saying that sexuality is not a critical component of a married relationship; however, it is not the center. In addition, those relatively few couples who wait until marriage experience partnered sexuality as a mutually new thing; they don't have the jaded sex lives of sexually experienced individuals to whom "sexual performance" or "compatibility" is essential. They can adapt their sexuality to one another.

And again, those couples who live together before marriage have a statistically (and practically) significant higher rate of marital dissatisfaction and divorce. There may be an exception, according to one study, for women who have lived with only one partner prior to marriage; but many, if not most, cohabitators live and have sex with multiple people prior to marriage. So your point about divorce is invalidated, and your argument fails to match up with reality.

Not everybody believes in god so why should we follow him? Only a small minority of all people in the world are catholic.

Yes, sex is not everything. But I wouldn't want to be in a sexless relationship, much less a sexless marriage with a catholic woman with her extreme conservative views regarding it.

I don't even want to imagine how boring it would be with a woman who first of all never initiates or shows any sexual desires and if we would get it on it would be missionary only(because anything else is considered "immoral" accoring to hardcore catholics)... No thanks, I'd rather be with a normal woman who doesn't judge me as "immoral" just because im not a catholic.

[stressedCollegeGirl89]

If couples are going to live together, it wouldn't be such a bad idea for them to get to really know their SOs and know exactly where they both stand in the relationship before they move in together.