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Which makes me wonder how did couples "back in the day" managed to have successful marriages WITHOUT living together.
'Back in the day' women were dependent on their husband financially. There weren't that many options for divorcing and being independent because women didn't work outside the home. I don't believe marriages were any happier 'back in the day'.
The stigma of divorce also had a bearing on couples staying together.
Times were difference, society's expectations and mores were different. The world has moved on from these stuffy and restrictive ideas and practices.
I am totally for living together before marriage with the thought of "try before you buy"....I think if more people would get to know each other very well before they married, we'd have a lot less divorce.
It's common sense with the idea of "bending" the rules a little. A smart guy or gal KNOWS how to do this. Spending MORE time getting to know the person before you even get into the relationship can't be bad! It weeds out most of the slackers who don't pack the gear! lol
Another thing to remember, it's not just Faiths that don't believe in living together, it's also families! And then there are those couples living together that try not to reveal it to family and if/when the family finds out.......they either go "ok" or all He** breaks lose! As an example: Dad or mom have their girlfriend or boyfriend move into the same house that their spouse lived in with them. This completely shocks their adult kids and they don't like it. Now, if dad or mom got engaged and marriage that boyfriend/girlfriend instead of just moving them in as a co-hatitator, feelings could be very different.
I was dating a man some years ago. We decided to get engaged. I was okay with living together and I am a Christian. He was not okay with it. He is a Christian and so is his whole family.
I respected his wishes because I truly loved him. We didn't live together or even spend a SINGLE night together until we were married.
I knew he liked video games and hanging out with his friends on Sunday afternoons. He was huge into his family so that was a plus.
So we get married.
Within a month, I find that he spends every waking moment on his Xbox or Playstation. Not only will he not help clean at all, he doesn't know how. He doesn't even pick up after himself. Leaves hair on the sink after shaving, leaves plates and glasses wherever they land, pretty much just lazy. He watches porn constantly and then likes to get his rocks off to me, EW!
He never EVER wants to go with me to visit my family(who live 45 minutes away) so I have to go once a week BY MYSELF to visit them. He is constantly visiting his family(who live 15 minutes away) and even got mad like heated at me the one time I didn't go with him to visit his family because I was sick. He wasn't there for me when my grandfather died. Not emotionally, mentally, or physically. That right there was the beginning of the end for me.
We were looking for houses to buy. He picked a house 5 minutes from his mom and dad's house that was brand new with 1600 square foot and a basement on 1 acre for $160,000. He was dead set on this house. Yet, I found a brand new house with 1700 square foot with a double garage, no basement on an acre and a half for $90,000 that was almost exactly halfway between his parents and my parents. Nooooo he wanted the smaller, more expensive, closer to his parent's, house!
So, the moral to my story is REALITY!! Had I lived with my now EX HUSBAND, for even say 2 months before we got married, there wouldn't have been a marriage or a divorce.
So let me get this straight,
1) Living with someone(even without fornication) before marriage is a sin.. Right?
2) Living with someone with fornication before marriage is 2 sins.. Right?
3) Divorce is a sin... Right?
Which sin is cheaper? My divorce was expensive, but God forgives for all sin if you ask, RIGHT???
Then if you are divorced and you remarry, that's a sin, because you're not married to and/or sleeping with your first husband so anyone after that is a sin, right???
So I think you should sin a little in the beginning and live with someone so that you don't end up sinning a whole lot more in the long run.
How's that for reality? It's my true story.
This really ruffles my feathers. First, because it's none of anyone's business if other's live together before marriage. It's a personal choice.
I am not God. No one on this forum is God, so why does someone feel the right to judge others? We'll all have our judgement day.
I do not like people who try to force their religion on others. This post was someone's personal religious belief and should have never been brought up. I am a Christian and I believe in God but that doesn't mean that I'm going to disrespect someone else's personal beliefs. Yes, I pray for those out there who aren't religious, I hope they find the way to God one day. But coming down on them for their sins is not the way to get them there.
Getting off my soapbox now. Sorry guys. Ugh!
This is possibly the best post I've read in my short time on CD! Man I love Tennessee girls! They just HAVE to speak thier minds whether you like what they say or not. Fantastic post young lady!
I definately would want to live with my SO before marriage because that way I know if it will truly work out or not and that way I would not waste my time
I'm agnostic but was sorta raised Catholic, never went to church with family but was baptized.
I voted No.
I always believed in not becoming intimate together or living together before marriage and no, I'm not a stick in the mud, lol. Saved me a whole lot of grief from guys who were totally wrong for me. It saved me from experiencing a lot of grief. I was able to deduce pretty quickly what kind of husband a guy would be to me once we were married. Sometimes lust can cloud our judgment and I was able to clearly see when someone was just not right for me or up to no good.
My husband didn't mind any of this, we married when I was 25 after knowing each other for about a year. We've been married close to 5 years and it just gets better in every way, lol.
I was dating a man some years ago. We decided to get engaged. I was okay with living together and I am a Christian. He was not okay with it. He is a Christian and so is his whole family.
I respected his wishes because I truly loved him. We didn't live together or even spend a SINGLE night together until we were married.
I knew he liked video games and hanging out with his friends on Sunday afternoons. He was huge into his family so that was a plus.
So we get married.
Within a month, I find that he spends every waking moment on his Xbox or Playstation. Not only will he not help clean at all, he doesn't know how. He doesn't even pick up after himself. Leaves hair on the sink after shaving, leaves plates and glasses wherever they land, pretty much just lazy. He watches porn constantly and then likes to get his rocks off to me, EW!
He never EVER wants to go with me to visit my family(who live 45 minutes away) so I have to go once a week BY MYSELF to visit them. He is constantly visiting his family(who live 15 minutes away) and even got mad like heated at me the one time I didn't go with him to visit his family because I was sick. He wasn't there for me when my grandfather died. Not emotionally, mentally, or physically. That right there was the beginning of the end for me.
We were looking for houses to buy. He picked a house 5 minutes from his mom and dad's house that was brand new with 1600 square foot and a basement on 1 acre for $160,000. He was dead set on this house. Yet, I found a brand new house with 1700 square foot with a double garage, no basement on an acre and a half for $90,000 that was almost exactly halfway between his parents and my parents. Nooooo he wanted the smaller, more expensive, closer to his parent's, house!
So, the moral to my story is REALITY!! Had I lived with my now EX HUSBAND, for even say 2 months before we got married, there wouldn't have been a marriage or a divorce.
So let me get this straight,
1) Living with someone(even without fornication) before marriage is a sin.. Right?
2) Living with someone with fornication before marriage is 2 sins.. Right?
3) Divorce is a sin... Right?
Which sin is cheaper? My divorce was expensive, but God forgives for all sin if you ask, RIGHT???
Then if you are divorced and you remarry, that's a sin, because you're not married to and/or sleeping with your first husband so anyone after that is a sin, right???
So I think you should sin a little in the beginning and live with someone so that you don't end up sinning a whole lot more in the long run.
How's that for reality? It's my true story.
This really ruffles my feathers. First, because it's none of anyone's business if other's live together before marriage. It's a personal choice.
I am not God. No one on this forum is God, so why does someone feel the right to judge others? We'll all have our judgement day.
I do not like people who try to force their religion on others. This post was someone's personal religious belief and should have never been brought up. I am a Christian and I believe in God but that doesn't mean that I'm going to disrespect someone else's personal beliefs. Yes, I pray for those out there who aren't religious, I hope they find the way to God one day. But coming down on them for their sins is not the way to get them there.
Getting off my soapbox now. Sorry guys. Ugh!
He was smart about "that" I will say coming from a man. You don't really want a house without a basement unless you can't help it. The mechanicals are hidden in concrete slabs, crawlspaces and attics. It's a real MESS to try to repair a plumbing leak or do some electrical work. That's just the start of your problems. Many people have told me....."shoulda listened to you John!" lol
Another thing to remember, it's not just Faiths that don't believe in living together, it's also families! And then there are those couples living together that try not to reveal it to family and if/when the family finds out.......they either go "ok" or all He** breaks lose!
Definitely! My parents are catholic but don't really follow the religion but yes, hell would break loose if I lived with someone and not being married. Nothing to do with religion but they saw friends' adult children go through some painful lessons they would rather me not experience!
They weren't waiting for the new model to show up on the market next year.
Marriages back in the day werent as happy as you may think. The sadness and dysfunction was just masked behind her valium and face makeup. Valium to hide the stress of unhappiness. Makeup to hide the bruises from the backhand of an unfulfilled husband and wrinkles around the eyes from crying as soon as hubby left for work and the kids got on the school bus. Could she have faired better in marriage if she had lived with him before marrying him? Quite possibly.But the "fear of Gods retribution" was more powerful than the need to know what the hell she may be getting herself into by marrying him. Sad. Sad. Sad.
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Spending MORE time getting to know the person before you even get into the relationship can't be bad! It weeds out most of the slackers who don't pack the gear! lol
