Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
That's important, of course, but it isn't the only thing that is important. WHAT MONEY is she using to pay the bill and WHO OWNS THAT MONEY?
And he has no way to know which it is if she keeps secrecy. There is nothing wrong with separate accounts but "secret" is very different from "separate".
If the money she's using to pay the debt comes from her separate, non-marital asset assets (funds that pre-date the marriage) then it is clearly her decision to make, and her decision to keep it secret from her husband is her business. I wouldn't keep it secret, but that's me.
I disagree, and I say this as someone who brought SIGNIFICANT assets into my second marriage. DH was very mellow about my spending since I was making a good salary and he was already retired and on SS, but we also agreed on when to spend and when to splurge. Even without actually discussing it, we each came to the conclusion that any expenditure over $200-$300 should be agreed to ahead of time. I don't think we ever had a disagreement over any expenditure.
If I'd secretly squandered all the assets in my name, the equity in the house could have been in jeopardy if I defaulted on "my" credit cards. We could have ended up with massive tax bills if I started spending IRA money. That might even have resulted in his SS being attached if I didn't have the money to pay the tax bills. Having survived an attempt by a hospital to attach my wages when my irresponsible first husband didn't pay his medical bills or submit them to the insurance carrier (my lawyer fought them off because we were in the process of divorce), I can tell you that if you're married, your fates are tied even if your credit cards are separate.
The Original Poster has not been back to fill us in on details. Save all the suggestions for credit checks, musings about divorce, and general righteous indignation until then. Many of you seem to want to believe the worst about his spouse, pointlessly.
This "has gone on for years," with the common knowledge of both parties and apparently hasn't caused any significant financial issues (...plus, the OP hasn't returned with further clarification). Therefore, it would seem like this is not really that big of an issue.
The only thing the OP really asked, was "If he had a legal right to see the account" (and then what?). I don't necessarily think husbands and wives should keep 'secrets,' but, this is really more of an "I don't want to talk about it" thing, than a "I'll do what I want and you have no rights" thing. After 20-years, the OP knows his spouse and how much 'space' she needs.' He is probably handling things in a way that works for them.
While there are certainly things that 'could' happen along with legal liabilities, the OP is not on a 'divorce track' and has chosen to let things ride. At the most, he may want to run a credit check ... and, in fact, these cards would likely be included on his own credit statement. If nothing else, check-out the credit limits on the cards -- and perhaps, ask his wife if she has enough funds to cover the bills -- or needs some added assistance. (She might simply want the sense of freedom and independence the cards represent).
The Original Poster has not been back to fill us in on details. Save all the suggestions for credit checks, musings about divorce, and general righteous indignation until then. Many of you seem to want to believe the worst about his spouse, pointlessly.
Who cares about the OP or his spouse? The OP is a lost cause and is not really interested in doing anything about it. Our suggestions are for current and future readers who find themselves in a similar situation. The thread discussion is about the principles of the issue.
Who cares about the OP or his spouse? The OP is a lost cause and is not really interested in doing anything about it. Our suggestions are for current and future readers who find themselves in a similar situation. The thread discussion is about the principles of the issue.
i agree ... many times the op is never heard from again ... but that does not stop the flow of information and experiences for the rest of us from being productive.
I disagree, and I say this as someone who brought SIGNIFICANT assets into my second marriage. DH was very mellow about my spending since I was making a good salary and he was already retired and on SS, but we also agreed on when to spend and when to splurge. Even without actually discussing it, we each came to the conclusion that any expenditure over $200-$300 should be agreed to ahead of time. I don't think we ever had a disagreement over any expenditure.
If I'd secretly squandered all the assets in my name, the equity in the house could have been in jeopardy if I defaulted on "my" credit cards. We could have ended up with massive tax bills if I started spending IRA money. That might even have resulted in his SS being attached if I didn't have the money to pay the tax bills. Having survived an attempt by a hospital to attach my wages when my irresponsible first husband didn't pay his medical bills or submit them to the insurance carrier (my lawyer fought them off because we were in the process of divorce), I can tell you that if you're married, your fates are tied even if your credit cards are separate.
As they should be.
I am friends with a couple who are lifelong spendthrifts. They both had SS and pensions upon retiring, so no savings to speak of.
She died recently, taking 40% of the household income with her. He figured, wrongly, that her debts, which he had no clue of, would disappear too. As it turned out, in addition to the mortgage, she had a home equity loan and a couple credit cards. Debt to the tune of about 400k. Even worse, the mortgage, loan, and cards were issued from the same credit union, so essentially the house was collateral for everything.
He is on the hook for everything, as he should be, imo.
That's important, of course, but it isn't the only thing that is important. WHAT MONEY is she using to pay the bill and WHO OWNS THAT MONEY?
If the money she's using to pay the debt comes from her separate, non-marital asset assets (funds that pre-date the marriage) then it is clearly her decision to make, and her decision to keep it secret from her husband is her business. I wouldn't keep it secret, but that's me.
If instead the money she's using to pay the debt comes from their joint savings & current income -- that's a problem, as it is THEIR jointly owned money rather than her separately owned money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by athena53
I disagree, and I say this as someone who brought SIGNIFICANT assets into my second marriage. DH was very mellow about my spending since I was making a good salary and he was already retired and on SS, but we also agreed on when to spend and when to splurge. Even without actually discussing it, we each came to the conclusion that any expenditure over $200-$300 should be agreed to ahead of time. I don't think we ever had a disagreement over any expenditure.
If I'd secretly squandered all the assets in my name, the equity in the house could have been in jeopardy if I defaulted on "my" credit cards. We could have ended up with massive tax bills if I started spending IRA money. That might even have resulted in his SS being attached if I didn't have the money to pay the tax bills. Having survived an attempt by a hospital to attach my wages when my irresponsible first husband didn't pay his medical bills or submit them to the insurance carrier (my lawyer fought them off because we were in the process of divorce), I can tell you that if you're married, your fates are tied even if your credit cards are separate.
Great points, Athena.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
