How do I pick up the pieces? (Indiana, obligation, bonus)
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family of 5 seeking financial advice, full time college students, repossessed cars, living with parents, cannot find jobs, currently in RN program and do not want to drop out
Forgive my ignorance about student loans, but if you get one and the institution is paid for classes you enroll in, and then early on, you drop the class, do you get a refund? If you do, could this be what OP was doing?
Wearing Gymboree or other high profile brands (not sure if Gymboree fits in this category) is NOT providing for your kids. Buying clothes that cost as much as adult clothes for someone who will be out of them in 1 year, in my opinion, is ludicrous. I have 2 kids and I "provide" for them, without ever having stepped inside a kids clothing store.
Well i thought her point was that a 20 something couldnt afford to have kids and raise them well. Guess what I can afford to buy Gymboree, im not try to sound arrogant, but I think it that it's a plan you should have with your family if you want kids and if you can afford them. I guess you want praise for not stepping inside a kids store so good job for that. My wife likes Gymboree so she buys it for my daughter, if that makes me evil or bad then okay.
Off topic as this is getting, I bought most of my kid's summer clothes at The Children's Place this year, some at Gymboree, some at Target and some at Old Navy.
I spent about the same as I usually do at Walmart/Target/Kohl's other years... great sales combined with online coupons are great! I hate paying retail for anything.
Well thank you for all of the replies, even the "not so nice ones." Apparently, some people only pick and choose what they want to read and make a ton of ASSUMPTIONS
For those you who read my others posts, did you also notice that there was a huge time frame that I didn't post at all?
And for those you assumed that we haven't been looking for job... of course we have! My husband and I have applied to every job out there; every McDonald's, Burger King, Factory, you name it, we've applied for it. Why would you assume we haven't? That doesn't even make sense to me that we wouldn't. But remember this is Michigan that we're talking about, there aren't a lot of options.
For those of you who said, what were we thinking having 3 children? Well when we decided to have them, my husband has a great job and we had no worries. But as I'm sure you all know, things can change at the drop of a hat. And they did for us. I have been going to school for quite some time now. That $90,000 includes $25,000 for trade school as well, not just an RN degree.
My husband's pay varied from $1,100 to $1,900 a month, depending how many deceased people he picked up per month (that's what his job entailed) I said $1,500 because that was the last amount he received.
It really saddens me that when I ask for advice, I get a bunch of people who start dogging on my kids! How does that help? It doesn't. So shame on you for even answering. Didn't your mother teach you that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!
How depressing. I am typically a positive person, but you know what? I'm done with City Data!
JenM first of all please realize that computers don't show emotions or let the readers hear tone of voice. By me saying I have read other posts of yours that were encouraging I meant that as a positive thing to boost you up. Same with telling you about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and getting on with your toughness, guess I should have used a smilie face there. I have been through some very rough times too but I don't post all the details on a public forum. Doesn't mean me or any poster doesn't have compassion for the hard time you are now facing.
Having said that you have to realize you came on a public forum for advice, or thoughts if you will, of others. Not everybody or everything in life is positive so we have to learn to weed out what will help us and what won't. Yes there were some very harsh comments but there were far more supporting advice of things to try right?
If you haven't left city data can you tell us if you were using some of those student loans for living expenses? I know people that are married that do and they have been warned it will be a deeper hole to get out of if they keep doing it. I don't know all the in's and out's of the loans but I do know they get some of their rent paid plus so much for living expenses after paying their tuition.
It is great your mom could take you in to help in a very rough time (props to her for taking in 5 more into her home) but don't give up because things seem so bleak right now. Some times folks looking in from the outside can be very beneficial with solutions OK? On the other hand some on the outside can be down right brutal, sift it out girl! How many children you have is between your DH, you and God who knows the plans He has for you and yours. As long as you learn the life lessons along the way and don't repeat them it will make your family stronger in the end.
When you have tons of education (three degrees) and job experience as I do and find yourself without a job and no means to find a job in your field, then come back and talk to me about what is or isn't.
You can BS all sorts of stuff on the application, we are talking about min wage jobs here. List some jobs from places that have "closed" and/or tell them you were taking care of your sick parent if they ask about the gaps in your employment. I can think of many ways to BS the application, I don't know why you are pretending its so hard.
Regardless, I have no sympathy for this. If you are industrious you can make money. Hell kids out here dig through the trash for cans, from my calculations they make more than min wage doing it.
Quote:
or haven't you filled out a application before?
Once, for a paper boy position when I was a kid. Since then I've made money myself or people have came to me. Its wildly easy to make some bucks in this country.
Well i thought her point was that a 20 something couldnt afford to have kids and raise them well. Guess what I can afford to buy Gymboree, im not try to sound arrogant, but I think it that it's a plan you should have with your family if you want kids and if you can afford them. I guess you want praise for not stepping inside a kids store so good job for that. My wife likes Gymboree so she buys it for my daughter, if that makes me evil or bad then okay.
I am no one to talk about money, since i've totally wasted so much over the years(some would say), BUT... I assume you have your children's college accounts fully funded, and your house paid off?
edit..
Damn, that sounds like something my dad would say! LOL
JenM and her husband, in retrospect, made some risky choices, and those haven't panned out. Whether you or I or anyone else would make those same choices makes little difference. Millionaires gamble all the time that their stock picks or direct investments will bring in money. Sometimes they lose big, like those major investors in the Bear. JenM has made much smaller, but more devastating to her, errors in judgment and risky choices.
The first error was in not building an emergency fund immediately upon marriage, if not before. The second risky choice was prioritizing children before building the protective financial nest for them. I say risky choice instead of error, because without people making such choices, none of us would be on the planet, and the species would have died out long ago. Posters berating that choice only express their lack of understanding of the need for people to reach for multiple goals, and the strength of the basic drive that keeps humanity going.
IMO, the major error was in taking out the large dollar amount of student loans, given the other circumstances. Without those non-cancelable loans, the situation would be serious, but nowhere near as serious as it is now. However, that is a personal opinion that goes against common thought, and it can be worked out.
The fastest way to get out of the situation? JenM actually expressed part of it in her first post, and another poster callously hinted at the rest of the solution.
The husband needs to find work immediately. That means his moving out of state to better hunting grounds and away from any supportive comfort that will keep him from devoting 100% of himself to that task. Once he has work, he needs to live as cheaply as possible - roommate situation, boarding house, cheap meals, etc., with no car if possible.
Next, if there are relatives willing, the kids need to move out temporarily. In past hard times, this was commonplace. I can't count the number of people I've met over the age of sixty, who were at least partly raised by an aunt, or on a neighbor's farm, or by some other expedient shifting of burden. It is rough for the mother, and sometimes hard for the kids, but it ultimately works to the advantage of both.
After this is accomplished, and she no longer has split focus and priorities, JenM needs to finish school ASAP, to keep from incurring more loans, and to graduate and find a good-paying job (in the same city as her husband if possible).
At that point, they find the cheapest joint housing they can afford and build up that emergency fund to at least $10,000, while paying only the minimum on the student loans.
Once that fund is in place, then the ongoing budget gets made, a single used car gets purchased, and when possible, the kids come back to them.
How fast can it be done? My guess is that given the right circumstances and a little luck, about a year.
FWIW, this is a classic thread for anyone studying anthropology and the culture of the U.S. at this point in time. It shows the common thread of the "haves" beating on the "have nots." We've done it as a survival mechanism since before we started walking on two legs. If unsuccessful behavior is rewarded or ignored, then the incidences of that behavior can increase. It sometimes takes a combination of that disapprobation and stress, before the desire to go through the hard work of changing can occur.
IMO, most posters didn't realize that JenM was already at that point, and looking for the steps to get out of the situation. I challenge them and others to change the thrust of the thread back to offering advice.
I am no one to talk about money, since i've totally wasted so much over the years(some would say), BUT... I assume you have your children's college accounts fully funded, and your house paid off?
edit..
Damn, that sounds like something my dad would say! LOL
I own my own house, the Government pays most of my mortage, thanks to BHA (basic housing allowance) and some of my paycheck goes into a college fund for my 6 month old so I have some time to worry about that. I would like to think that other than a mistake withy a Credit card, I maxed it out, I have my affairs in order thank you.
You can BS all sorts of stuff on the application, we are talking about min wage jobs here. List some jobs from places that have "closed" and/or tell them you were taking care of your sick parent if they ask about the gaps in your employment. I can think of many ways to BS the application, I don't know why you are pretending its so hard.
Regardless, I have no sympathy for this. If you are industrious you can make money. Hell kids out here dig through the trash for cans, from my calculations they make more than min wage doing it.
Once, for a paper boy position when I was a kid. Since then I've made money myself or people have came to me. Its wildly easy to make some bucks in this country.
*chuckle*
riiiiight
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