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At what point does a family pull the trigger on dependency?
Many of our contemporaries have paid for undergrad for their children, but that is it. Nobody I know has funded post graduate degrees.
My daughter and her husband have helped their 3 children, along with small student loans. All 3 of them have almost paid off their loans and are self supporting.
How old is your SIL? What I also find interesting is while your daughter may be looking out for the best interests of her husband, it's puzzling to me why he would go along with this ask. If anything, he should refuse his in-laws paying off his student debt out of PRIDE.
I am Chinese American with a WASP old money stepfather. And none of the men in my family would ever think to make an ask like this of their in-law parents. Think of their wedding vows. It's old fashioned, but your SIL promised to take care of his wife in all ways, including financially.
How old is your SIL? What I also find interesting is while your daughter may be looking out for the best interests of her husband, it's puzzling to me why he would go along with this ask. If anything, he should refuse his in-laws paying off his student debt out of PRIDE.
I am Chinese American with a WASP old money stepfather. And none of the men in my family would ever think to make an ask like this of their in-law parents. Think of their wedding vows. It's old fashioned, but your SIL promised to take care of his wife in all ways, including financially.
Amen! My Italian-American husband would refuse as well. It's so emasculating.
Interesting!!! I had no idea / expectation of the amount of pushback on this concept. I really was looking for the pros / cons on a strictly numbers approach. But this opens a whole can of worms!
It touches on my whole ignorance of family money.
My father left me and siblings a sizeable amount from his purchase of philip morris back in the 50s. (actually, he set up a trust and we got 1/3 of the shares when I turned 30, 35 and 40). But he never said what he'd suggest / expect us to do with the money. And I realized after he was gone, that we never took the initiative to ask. He worked till days before he died, never took vacations, etc.
So we have a bit of a stigma about enjoying it / using it - we didn't earn it.
I would like my kids to use it / make their environment better. So again, their money / my money is a bit of a foreign concept for me. I would look at things strictly on a numerical basis.... factoring in taxes, etc., what's the best way to pay off his student loan.
If your daughter inherited money, would you have the same negativity to them using some of the money to pay off the SIL's student loan?
Admittedly, its fungible. Use the inheritance and have 10K left in savings. Or use savings and have 10K more in the inheritance. it's their money either way?
Interesting!!! I had no idea / expectation of the amount of pushback on this concept. I really was looking for the pros / cons on a strictly numbers approach. But this opens a whole can of worms!
It touches on my whole ignorance of family money.
My father left me and siblings a sizeable amount from his purchase of philip morris back in the 50s. (actually, he set up a trust and we got 1/3 of the shares when I turned 30, 35 and 40). But he never said what he'd suggest / expect us to do with the money. And I realized after he was gone, that we never took the initiative to ask. He worked till days before he died, never took vacations, etc.
So we have a bit of a stigma about enjoying it / using it - we didn't earn it.
I would like my kids to use it / make their environment better. So again, their money / my money is a bit of a foreign concept for me. I would look at things strictly on a numerical basis.... factoring in taxes, etc., what's the best way to pay off his student loan.
If your daughter inherited money, would you have the same negativity to them using some of the money to pay off the SIL's student loan?
Admittedly, its fungible. Use the inheritance and have 10K left in savings. Or use savings and have 10K more in the inheritance. it's their money either way?
Isn't the 529 for the gks education? Do they have some kind of financial problems where they cannot pay off the debt themselves? It is very strange to ask a parent pay off debt, if they are doing Ok financially.
again, different views and way deeper conversation than I envisioned!
The money is fungible. 529 has tax advantages to use for someone's education. Checking account has no tax advantages.
Take 10K from savings or 10K from 529, it's still $10K gone in 1 place, $10K still in another place : )
And both places are 'theirs' in my view. I AM still owner, daughter is still beneficiary. I was against using the 10K from 529 for his loan because of the steps to change beneficiary, potentially trip up on small print and my thinking that the $10K in the 529 will grow tax free.
Never was a question of him leaching off us!! And I am not sure, but would think it was my daughter that brought up the idea.
Either find a way to just put the money in your daughter's hands to use how she will, or save it for grandkids. Do not give it expressly to son-in-law's student loans, imho.
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