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I have helped many friends providing care, being a guardian and an executor all for free. One friend left me some money for helping and it was a nice surprise. I think you are wonderful for what you’re doing. Couldn’t the people your aunt named as successors after you take over once you become too old to do it?
I'm an executor now, but it will end within a year. That is what I could not stand about the OP's situation, no end in sight. Like Jarndyce v. Jarndyce.
I have a friend who is saying that she may appoint me as a back up executrix. That will be fine but I promise you, I will be charging the estate. It's very complicated.
I have helped many friends providing care, being a guardian and an executor all for free. One friend left me some money for helping and it was a nice surprise. I think you are wonderful for what you’re doing. Couldn’t the people your aunt named as successors after you take over once you become too old to do it?
Possibly. They are younger than me by six and seven years, but both have health issues (but they are managing them), and this doesn't mean anything for predicting the future, but blood related older relatives of theirs typically have had health problems and died earlier while most of my older blood related relatives lived very healthy and active lives into their late 80s and many lived into their 90s. I also don't know them well as I started my first job out of college and moved away from near where they live the same weekend that my aunt and their dad got married (He was a widower). They adored getting a new mom. And she FYI is leaving them assets directly too. Theirs won't be tied up in the trust. We have a relatively small family and don't really have anyone in the next generation who would take over this role, so I get her not having a younger successor (It would be nice, but it's not something you can do if you don't really have the right person). Also lol -- I'm the kid in my generation who is thought of as being the most organized, enjoys personal finance types of things, etc.
I didn't know she'd be doing this (would have done it for free), but my aunt is actually leaving me some money for doing it. I'm also pretty comfortable financially. DH and I both had great educations, pretty high paying jobs, and have always lived below our means. We're quite a bit better off financially than any of her kids, but they all seem to be doing just fine too.
My dad had a very bad Leukemia that was caused by chemicals at his gas and service station. He lived eight months. When he was diagnosed, he had nothing done. He was in the process of building a house a few blocks from me. His house closed a week after being diagnosed. I'm sorry your aunt is also stage 4. Praying that her ending go easy, without drama.
I was put in charge of his medical decisions, my dad knew he could trust me. I was executor/trustee along with my older sibling. The younger sibling was not getting much of his estate because they did not speak. The oldest, ended up telling the youngest exactly what she and my nephew were getting, it started world war 3 with me as the bad guy. I always said my nephew should get the same as my daughter. I suggest you make sure the medical POA has been given to you. You also want her cancer center to have a copy so that you're able to jump in when needed. Also make sure they both will allow or not allow you to do on the phone since you're not local like my older sibling. This was 2005, the drama around my dad still happens to this day.
A student doctor had answered the phone when she called to get an update on my dad, they told her she was not allowed phone updates. My dad and I were accused that she was taken off. The doctor wanted to call her to explain but she refused.
Your aunt should be video recording what she wants to do with her estate so the beneficiaries or even the step kids, know she did what is written. Do they know they won't be getting anything?
I know my dad didn't understand what he was signing because of the video. At one point he tried to recite his social security number which he knew by heart. I know he would never agree to those changes. I did record our conversation in the car the day after. I was not invited to the rewrite. My dad swore that the only change was what she was getting which was not true.
Someone wants to double check the document to make sure dates etc are correct because the will may be deemed not enforceable due to whoever redid it being sloppy.
Have to run. I can elaborate more later if you need.
Thank you for sharing your experience Roselvr, and I appreciate the prayers for my aunt. She's really going thru a rough time right now. My aunt last week FYI had me fax POA Health care and financial and her living will to her oncologist.
With the beneficiaries I think another reason she wants me as executor/trustee is that I am a peripheral person, not one of her kids, no skin in the game except to carry out my aunt's wishes and do the best I can for all involved based on what I'm directed to do per estate documents. I don't know what she has communicated to her kids. With her son especially I know they really care about each other, but unfortunately they argue a lot. He is the child who lives closest to her, but still a good hour / hour and a 1/2 away. He has done so much for her recently. They do though butt heads, and I would not be surprised if she hasn't communicated anything about the trust to him to avoid arguments.
Per the post above, my aunt told me that her step-son and step-daughter are beneficiaries to some assets directly. I have no idea what she has communicated to them, and I see that entirely as her prerogative and her judgement call. I am guessing with her step-daughter things have probably been communicated, but I have no idea. Her step daughter does not live near her, but they are close, share hobby interests, and talk on the phone a lot. Her step daughter said she was a difficult teen when her dad married my aunt and that my aunt saved her life and was the mom to her she never had and needed so much.
FWIW I’ll share what we did. DW and I both in our 60s. One DD38, married, no kids. Her and her H are awful with money. Next is our niece who is 13. Her parents (not together/never married) are similarly awful with money. Her dad (my BIL) is divorcing his seventh wife. Estate about the size of OPs.
Titles to our two vehicles are in the name of the trust; no money or other assets. Trust gets funded when the last of us dies and then:
-Three charities get a small lump sum.
-Small lump sum to DD, then 4% per year of the remaining assets.
-When DD dies niece gets remaining college plan funded (already in progress by us) then the 4% when she turns 25.
-When niece dies the remaining assets go to the three charities and the trust ends.
The fee for this is 1% of assets when trust is activated and to me this is a bargain.
We have told everyone involved this and sent them limited documents but no financial numbers.
All our accounts, life insurance etc. list the other spouse as primary beneficiary and the trust as secondary.
I like this because it takes the emotion out of it and lets the pros deal with the drama that comes with money and folks wanting a bigger share of the pie or earlier than specified.
What I learned was you cannot control from the grave and cannot account for every possibility. You can “what if” this into perpetuity. Divorce, remarriage, more kids, less kids, family squabbles, zombie apocalypse...just cover the major points and hope for the best...from your grave.
Hello,
My aunt who I'm very close to and is a savvy senior unfortunately has stage four cancer and is entering hospice. She's very much an organized advanced planner like me and has amended her trust and made me executor of her estate, trustee of her trust upon her passing, as well as named me as her power of attorney for financial situations and medical decisions is she can't act for herself.
She has lovely step daughter who is six years younger than me as an alternate for everything and her step son (nice guy, but I haven't seen him in ages) as the third alternate for everything who is seven years younger than me.
First let me say that I really appreciate how organized she's been in everything and I more than anything, of course, at this time am most concerned about her well being and comfort. I will say that the trust and her wishes are straight forward, not overly complicated except perhaps for the timelines for asset distribution to three people. Her son who is 57 will be getting distributions of financial assets in five increments, the last that isn't reached till 16 years after her death. Her grandson who is 22 will be getting financial assets in five distributions also, the last which is not until 20 years after her death. And her granddaughter who is a minor will also be getting incremental distributions of financial assets, the last which won't be till she is 42.
I'm 63 by the way and she is 83. If my aunt passes away next year let's say, I would be 80, 84, and 92 respectively before my trustee duties are complete for these three beneficiaries. You never know what life brings. We do have longevity in our family and it's very likely if I am as fortunate as older relations of mine that I will competent and capable for doing this at 80 and 84, but I think there is a big possibility that me and successor trustees might not up for doing this or be around - especially for doing distributions for her minor granddaughter. What recommendations do you have for me? Might I be able to get a bank with a trustee department named as a third alternate. I would prefer not to burden my aunt with this, at this point, but this long distribution cycle I think is an issue. Do you think I should recommend she contact her attorney again and have a bank with a good trust department listed as a third alternate now - that would probably be easier for her to do now vs. me getting some kind of amendment. But gosh she's going thru a lot know and it seems like a petty thing in the grand scheme of things. She wants to provide some financial help for this group, but thinks they would blow the money so wants to hold a lot of it back. There is no one in the generation after mine that she thinks has the financial savvy and that she trusts implicitly to name that she is close to.
My own estate is a lot simpler than this.
I do think you should get a bank to do it. However, just know, there will be an associated cost, which probably would be reasonable. Or she could also do a trust where they only get paid the income. She needs to talk to a lawyer.
FWIW I’ll share what we did. DW and I both in our 60s. One DD38, married, no kids. Her and her H are awful with money. Next is our niece who is 13. Her parents (not together/never married) are similarly awful with money. Her dad (my BIL) is divorcing his seventh wife. Estate about the size of OPs.
Titles to our two vehicles are in the name of the trust; no money or other assets. Trust gets funded when the last of us dies and then:
-Three charities get a small lump sum.
-Small lump sum to DD, then 4% per year of the remaining assets.
-When DD dies niece gets remaining college plan funded (already in progress by us) then the 4% when she turns 25.
-When niece dies the remaining assets go to the three charities and the trust ends.
The fee for this is 1% of assets when trust is activated and to me this is a bargain.
We have told everyone involved this and sent them limited documents but no financial numbers.
All our accounts, life insurance etc. list the other spouse as primary beneficiary and the trust as secondary.
I like this because it takes the emotion out of it and lets the pros deal with the drama that comes with money and folks wanting a bigger share of the pie or earlier than specified.
What I learned was you cannot control from the grave and cannot account for every possibility. You can “what if” this into perpetuity. Divorce, remarriage, more kids, less kids, family squabbles, zombie apocalypse...just cover the major points and hope for the best...from your grave.
Who is acting as trustee for these trust when they are established and distributing the funds?
Who is acting as trustee for these trust when they are established and distributing the funds?
The bank the trust is set up with.
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