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So the man's role in a marriage is to pay for everything, the only way he can get married is if he buys his wife a bunch of stuff, and the wife is materialistic and shallow and willing to trade sex for stuff. Do I have that about right?
We've always had one checking account and joint savings. I don't really understand the reasoning behind separate accounts.
I agree. Isn't that part of marriage....sharing?
My husband and I have joint everything. We both work (and earn about the same amount of money), and we just pool everything into one big marital pot. I don't think I could stand the "his and hers" thing.
I keep my finances separate from my fiance. We don't plan on getting joint checking accounts either. We have very different spending habits in that I'm frugal and conservative, she has a tendency to splurge on consumer goods (clothing etc). Her credit is not good, mine is. Since we have no expectation of acquiring financing for things like cars or houses based on two incomes, the separate finances work out. She gives me a check for her share of the rent and whatever she does with the rest of her money is something I'm not going to constantly criticize, as it causes friction. When the kids come I'll provide for the household and she'll have to adjust her spending to contribute to the cause, but having control over the bottom line of big fiscal decisions of the household is something I'm going to have control over, and isolating my balance sheet is necessary to that end. We've agreed I'm better with money, so that will be my responsibility. It's not a perfect setup, but beats the constant berating over trying to change her financial attitudes. With separate finances I can isolate the solvency of the household while she's strapped at the wrists by her bad credit in how much she can finance on her own, which is not much. Sounds rough, but it works for me. In a perfect world one's partner would be 100% compatible with 100% of one's needs 100% of the time, but that's just chasing unicorns. You roll with the punches, as long as I can get 80% of my needs met it's better than starting over lol. Sex, money and kids, that's what it all boils down to. Marriage is just like life, messy and grey.
hindsight - Honestly I would proceed with caution. Money issues are the number one cause for divorce and if you and your fiancee can't agree on the basic principles of how you'll spend and save, you're going to have a constant source of heartache, separate accounts or not.
While I'm not against the idea of separate accounts, I'm definitely against the idea of having separate philosophies of finances. Marriage really isn't "messy and gray," yes its about compromise but your marriage should be a safe calm place.
I would suggest some pre-marital counseling to help you guys get on the same page, good luck!
I've never understood the % thing... do you divide up the grocery bills too? And if you do... do you base it on each person's income or the amount they consume? The only folks I knew that actually did use this system are getting divorced right now. Real messy.
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That situation had nothing to do with a percentage system not working, and everything to do with no meeting of the minds beforehand, and a couple of shallow, greedy people.
I've been in a percentage-based relationship for a while now, and if you're both adults and use your heads it works out just fine.
I keep my finances separate from my fiance. We don't plan on getting joint checking accounts either. We have very different spending habits in that I'm frugal and conservative, she has a tendency to splurge on consumer goods (clothing etc). Her credit is not good, mine is. Since we have no expectation of acquiring financing for things like cars or houses based on two incomes, the separate finances work out. She gives me a check for her share of the rent and whatever she does with the rest of her money is something I'm not going to constantly criticize, as it causes friction. When the kids come I'll provide for the household and she'll have to adjust her spending to contribute to the cause, but having control over the bottom line of big fiscal decisions of the household is something I'm going to have control over, and isolating my balance sheet is necessary to that end. We've agreed I'm better with money, so that will be my responsibility. It's not a perfect setup, but beats the constant berating over trying to change her financial attitudes. With separate finances I can isolate the solvency of the household while she's strapped at the wrists by her bad credit in how much she can finance on her own, which is not much. Sounds rough, but it works for me. In a perfect world one's partner would be 100% compatible with 100% of one's needs 100% of the time, but that's just chasing unicorns. You roll with the punches, as long as I can get 80% of my needs met it's better than starting over lol. Sex, money and kids, that's what it all boils down to. Marriage is just like life, messy and grey.
My girl/very likely wife to be isn't a crazy spender, but likes nice things and had an assortment of store cards. We had one talk about it and she paid them all off in about 5 months. I was impressed.
Me and my girl have had this discussion, and I presented the joint account for bills, one for savings ( no withdrawals unless emergency and agreed upon by both) and one each for play money, and she was fine with it. She told me that she has been told by some of her friends that they keep a separate account that their husbands don't know about.
Like people mentioned, financial situations should be transparent for both parties, and there should be an arrangement that both agree to.
I plan to keep the house that I bought myself in my name. That's probably my largest asset I have. Everything else we'll work towards together. I told her, outside of the likely purchases of new cars in the future for both of us, I don't expect to take on additional debt for 'stuff'. She says she's on board; I'm keeping my eyes and ears open for expectations and things that say otherwise. She's one of 5 girls and her 2 married sisters both have nice houses and 'stuff' with their husbands. I own my house, and it's by no means in bad shape but can be updated. It will be, but I'm not going to make any moves to keep up with her sisters. I've asked this question to her, and she says she's fine with it. I'll revisit it again.
I keep my finances separate from my fiance. We don't plan on getting joint checking accounts either. We have very different spending habits in that I'm frugal and conservative, she has a tendency to splurge on consumer goods (clothing etc). Her credit is not good, mine is. Since we have no expectation of acquiring financing for things like cars or houses based on two incomes, the separate finances work out. She gives me a check for her share of the rent and whatever she does with the rest of her money is something I'm not going to constantly criticize, as it causes friction. When the kids come I'll provide for the household and she'll have to adjust her spending to contribute to the cause, but having control over the bottom line of big fiscal decisions of the household is something I'm going to have control over, and isolating my balance sheet is necessary to that end. We've agreed I'm better with money, so that will be my responsibility. It's not a perfect setup, but beats the constant berating over trying to change her financial attitudes. With separate finances I can isolate the solvency of the household while she's strapped at the wrists by her bad credit in how much she can finance on her own, which is not much. Sounds rough, but it works for me. In a perfect world one's partner would be 100% compatible with 100% of one's needs 100% of the time, but that's just chasing unicorns. You roll with the punches, as long as I can get 80% of my needs met it's better than starting over lol. Sex, money and kids, that's what it all boils down to. Marriage is just like life, messy and grey.
You do know that any debt acquired during your marriage is going to be your debt, right? If she has credit card debt and can't pay it off, creditors will come after you.
I would have a serious discussion about money with her if I were you.
My DH and I have always had separate accounts for various reasons and we're both okay with it.
Our earnings are significantly different though so we do divide the bills according to what each persons contributions are.
The bills are in both of our names but he writes the checks each month. I give him XXX amount to cover my percentage of the bills. A few years back, the roles were reversed and I wrote all the checks.
Although there have been times when we considered a joint account, we elected to continue doing what we've done for years since it works out fine for us. Although we don't always agree on big purchases, we don't have the struggles over control of the cash like some couples do either.
Every couple has to do what works for them. There's plenty of folks I know who would never consider an arrangement like we have. They think it's like a business arrangment. At least I won't have to worry about him dumping me and skipping town with all of my savings because it's in my account.
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