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My Dad was raised dirt poor in the Kentucky hollers. He joined the military as soon as he turned 18 and stayed in for 20 years retiring with full benefits and medical after which he took another government job for another 10 years until he retired at the age of 50. He and my Mom - a life-long SAHM - saved, made extra money when and wherever they could and invested in real estate. When he died 5 years ago, this man from modest means and with a meager earnings history left an estate worth 7 figures. While I never did without or experienced hunger as a child, we lived in a modest home, took very modest vacations and Dad never, ever purchased a new car or took on debt. He was on the Dave Ramsey plan before Dave was even born.
I and most of my friends are stay at home moms and have been for about the past 8-10 years. In my immediate circle of SAHM friends, the salary range is anywhere from a low of $65K to a high of $150K and we have very comfortable lifestyles taking family vacations each year and enjoying dinner out and regular extracurricular activities. Our kids are in public schools and we all have vehicles that are at least 3 years old and modest homes under 4,000 sq ft, but none of us are doing without and though we do have to watch our overall spending, we find it well worth it to be able to stay home and raise our kids, volunteer in their schools and take care of our homes. There's no juggling schedules when a child is sick or trying to coordinate vacation days, holidays or school closures for inclement weather. Our husbands are free to focus on work 5 days a week without fail and when they get home in the evening, they are able to focus on family, not house cleaning duties or dishes.
It can be done by most people, but certainly not all, and is an extremely rewarding lifestyle if both partners desire it. Fortunately, we live in an area with a low cost of living and good public schools and are able to resist the temptation to buy everything the media and advertisers are trying to shove down our throats.
In my neighborhood there are a lot of SAHMs, so it's weird to see a mother who actually works. My wife and I both work so we split a lot of child-rearing and household duties. I actually enjoy being a big part of the kids' lives, plus my wife would go nuts if she couldn't work after a week. She does feel a little ostracized by the SAHMs in the area. She makes six figures and enjoys her job so I don't think that'll be enough to make her quit. I think it would probably be difficult for her if I was not supportive and do as much as I can in keeping the house spotless and raising the kids.
I don't think it is dead; as many have said over and over again, if you are trying to live that cosmopolitan lifestyle, it won't work. Good planning is needed.
My girl and I are planning our future together. I already own a house, so that major expense is already out of the way. I've stressed to her that I won't be taking any loans for any furniture, appliances, or anything house related. In order for any improvements to happen, we have to have the cash for it. She likes to dress nicely ( and I like her to look nice), but I don't do store cards and running up debt for that. If she wants it, it has to work within our means.
I'm not cheap; I'm just realistic, and see a lot of waste in hundred dollar dinners every weekend and premium channels that are watched maybe twice a month, but we have to keep the thermostat at 65 all winter, and we are playing duck the creditor's calls.
She also wants to not work fulltime. I am willing to accomodate that, but all of her debt that she brings into the relationship has to be paid off FIRST. I've been supporting my household with my income, and have been able to save a nice amount per month, but I am not carrying her school and car note from before our union. She's responsible for any prior debt, and after that's done, we'll work towards the other goals.
I don't think it's always bad to have a job for each adult, and incomes is not always associated with it but it can be. I know my wife and I share the household chores...but I know my wife needs to have something to do, some real intellectual stimulation, and if she didn't have a job she would go berserk (she's near a type A personality). I think she would be fine with the kids when they are younger, but when they get more involved with school and activities she would need a job. She was unemployed recently due to bumping, it only lasted about 3 weeks, but I wasn't sure what I was coming home to as she needs to be busy and doing something.
We work in medical fields, so it's pretty relaxed on average with good time off. I just bank the extra money for the future.
Depending on where you live makes a huge difference for the posed question. My husband and I both make a really good living. But I could see how many of our friends that send their kids to private school, have a mortgage, and haven't paid off their car notes have a hard time letting one person work. Sometimes having a job isn't worth the strain either because no one understands when you have to leave work early because your child is sick again, or there is a play or soccer game you need to be at. Your kids don't understand when both parents have to work late. y friends that moved out of CA only one person works and the other takes care of the kids and they have more elsewhere then when they were in Cali. This economy scares me the most because people don't have cushions put into place in case something happens. If anything this economy is teaching us is to make sacrifices and or adjustments to our life.
Lookig at people i would asy that its a mixed bad. I know just as many that have one income in teh family as has two incomes. I thnik many ties it juts depends on teh income of that one person. Most that have two incomes if they went to one would be most likely lower middle calss but they stil pay quite abit to both work and have child care etc. many also work because they send their kids to privte school or live i n a artea thqat hyas the best chools. Its very common for a couple that buys a house to look first at teh shool diftrict.
I don't think it's always bad to have a job for each adult, and incomes is not always associated with it but it can be. I know my wife and I share the household chores...but I know my wife needs to have something to do, some real intellectual stimulation, and if she didn't have a job she would go berserk (she's near a type A personality). I think she would be fine with the kids when they are younger, but when they get more involved with school and activities she would need a job. She was unemployed recently due to bumping, it only lasted about 3 weeks, but I wasn't sure what I was coming home to as she needs to be busy and doing something.
We work in medical fields, so it's pretty relaxed on average with good time off. I just bank the extra money for the future.
I am like your wife I would go crazy if I didnt work. I love my job. My son is 6 yrs old soon to be 7 and he goes to school. When he was born I stayed home for a year after that I went back to work while my mom watched him. My neighbor is a stay at home mom and it works just fine for them (husbands a surgeon). We earn enough to live on one salary but we choose not too. And it has nothing to do with material things.
I know it is awful for some people what is going on with foreclosures and all but I do believe that good will come out of it in the form of letting more mothers stay home with their kids as homes become more realistically priced. It will infact be better for all of us in the end. There are still places even now where the balance between home affordability and reasonable jobs exist and where public schools are still good. It's too bad that can't be everywhere as before. I hate to see young couples opting out of having a family because things are so expensive. Very sad indeed.
The authors of The Two Income Trap said something similar as you did in your post....that 2 incomes simply drove up the cost of housing and most did not really get anywhere financially.
A lot of people in my age bracket and demographic (graduate degree or college degree, high 20s and low 30s) don't even want to have kids for a lot of the reasons in this thread.
I haven't read the Two Income Trap but I saw a presentation by Warren that pretty much explained the logic in her book and it's scary. Granted, Warren is a somewhat radical feminist and some of her ideas are a little bit suspect but honestly, her data that supports the fact that, really, we aren't overconsuming that much is really interesting.
The thing a lot of people must understand about "overconsumption" is that the cost of things like eating out, nice clothing, etc., is really peanuts compared to things like overpriced housing in good school districts (or private school), college or healthcare. Having to pay an extra 100k for an overpriced house will pretty much equal out any amount of spending on eating out or nice clothing.
I think her book or her presentation(s) (you can find a lot of them on youtube I think) are really interesting. The problem is, for many people that I know in my demographic, we've "solved" this problem by basically just deciding not to even bother having children, which pretty much is one way to get around this problem.
Just as an EDIT: a major problem here is that the cost of raising children is increasing at a rate around double that of inflation because children create a lot of expenses in education, healthcare and housing more than anything else. These are the three things that have seen price increases at a disproportionate amount compared to things like clothing, TVs, cars, good food or other things that are thought to be associated with "over consumption." The changes in the structure of our economy and the cost of education, housing and healthcare have crippled families of any size, and we have "made up for it" with the two income family. The problem is there are a whole host of new problems created with the two income family, and Warren gets into that if you really are interested in it. Ultimately, the most educated in our society are opting out of having children at a really high rate, because of the ridiculous added expenses associated wtih kids that continue to grow at a rate disproportionately high to both inflation and incomes. Many of us see the road to financial freedom in four words: by not having kids.
I'm 28 and I know so many people who feel the exact same way. They just can't afford a family.
In my experience the guys who can earn enough to live well without their wife working get better looking wives and better kids.
Listen up guys, you want to make a lot of money
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