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I'm a guy with a young family & I am very frustrated. When we had our first child 4yrs ago, my wife & I made a decision to be a single income family. 4 years & 2 kids later, we just can't afford it. We are in such a financial bind, it's depressing.
I realize in today's current economic climate, my gripe is small & many may view it as somewhat superficial. By no means am I trying to start a thread about stay at home Moms vs. working Moms, etc. I am just curious if any one else is going through this and if it ticks them off as much as me?
It seems like the option to stay at home with your kids (unless you make six figures) is gone. Please share your thoughts.
Hi! Sorry to hear you are struggling. Could you elaborate on that?
There was a family from Florida featured on the Oprah show a couple of months ago. He doesn't make 6 figures and his wife stays home with their 3 kids. They were named the thriftiest family in America because they managed to have a lot in savings and make $4 meals.
I don't think families need to bring in 6 figures to be honest. And materialistic people bore me. Spend time with your family and friends, do charity work, get to know yourself without the need to spend to decompress. Find free activities to do with your kids. Don't care about what your neighbors buy, chances are it's on credit anyway.
Buy used, make a grocery list and menu for the week, buy on sale, do not go out to eat (high in calories, fat and sugar anyway and home cooking is way better), buy only the necessities for a while. And by that I mean a roof over your head, food on sale, medical needs & basic clothing. The rest is pretty much fluff. I don't get why people spend so much money on crap when they complain they can't afford their mortgage! Write down everything you spend on, make a budget, really taking a deep look at your money before you take the decision of your wife to work. Kids grow up so fast and she won't be able to get that time back!!
I suggest the book "Your money or your life" by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin, as well as the Suze Orman books and Show.
I know of many families who were able to live on a single income (not large) with many kids (4+). They were able to make it but they made trade-offs like always buying used everything, buying a house in a bad(ish) neighborhood (or renting), making all meals from scratch via very careful planning, going without cable and without multiple after school activities per kid, finding entertainment at the library and free public parks, and many other smaller actions that made a big difference.
Do you have two cars? Sell one. Do you have cell phones? Why? Cancel them and get vonage. Do you have wireless internet? Cancel it. Do you have cable? Cancel it. Do you eat out? Make planning meals a family responsibility and plan very carefully. Did you use disposable diapers? Use re-usable cloth diapers if you have another kid (and wash cloths instead of wipes.) Some of the trade offs aren't fun, but there is a way. I know many families who have made it on one income (and done well, but always with trade-offs that aren't always fun.)
It might be better to soften the depression era survival tactics with additional income that doesn't require a "job". Over the years we have had many sources of income that allowed my wife to stay home and raise our boys. These incomes aren't numerous but they are there. And some pay very well without much disturbance to your day. Start with what you like and know (buy and sell niche items). Google unusual jobs. Click around. And always be looking. See something interesting stop and talk. A word of CAUTION. I've never seen a 'work from home' ad that ever made the working at home worker any money at all.
A family sitting in a cold dark cramped apartment without TV or phone dressed in thrift store and eating hard beans isn't for everyone.
And yes, were leaving California for good this summer. To get reacquainted with dry beans and solar cloths driers. Yep, grandmas old cloths line!
All our best wishes to the great moms and dads out there making the effort to be at home for their kids.
Personally I think LACK OF PLANNING and INSTANT GRADIFICATION are some more reasons why the one income family is finding it hard to survive. The idea that you get married and within a short time a child is born can sometimes take away the opportunity for a stay-at-home option. I married at 20, we both agreed that we wouldn't have children until we owned our home, got our educations, and had a good number of dollars in savings. It took 16 years before we were able to have our first child but I am glad for the years that we were able to just be a couple and work towards something rather than instantly have a family and then wonder why we couldn't afford to live on one income.
BUT the most important thing we give our kids today is that my husband and I truly love each other and are HAPPY which to me is a winning lottery ticket for all of us!!
Last edited by kwalk65; 07-14-2009 at 09:41 AM..
Reason: spelling
It is hard to raise kids and have a one income family; I think today people are forced to make the adjustment to one income after one of them is laid off or has to stop working for whatever reasons. Over the past 25 years my husband and I have had both experiences, and I mean that I have both worked and stayed at home with our three kids. We are now on one income and until last month had two kids in college. Thankfully, we are now down to just one. This past year has not been easy. We have too many expenses, the biggest is our kids' schooling, and we are forced to manage our expenses on a tight income. We still have a high school son to raise and I am worried about his college expenses. Although I have an education and a career, I haven't landed a job since relocating to a new city for my husband's job. I thought we saved well, planned for the move and our expenses while I would not be working (one year was our budget), but the truth is that we thought I would be working by now. On top of that, we have a wedding to plan and we are contemplating a loan for that. I guess we will tighten the belt even more, but I don't look forward to it.
Maybe part of the problem is that most of us want to give more to our kids than we had. At least this is true for us.
Maybe part of the problem is that most of us want to give more to our kids than we had. At least this is true for us.
Yep, I totally agree and I fight that all the time. My parents didn't pay a dime for my education - when I turned 18 they said "out you go". Looking back that was good for me as it made me find my own footing and find my own way. I think it is good for kids to work and pay 1/2 as that makes them appreciate and value what things cost even when they are young. Sometimes in trying to do the best thing we often miss the opportunity to teach our children how to be responsible with money when it comes to them on a silver platter without them having a part in earning it.
We still have a high school son to raise and I am worried about his college expenses. <snip> On top of that, we have a wedding to plan and we are contemplating a loan for that. I guess we will tighten the belt even more, but I don't look forward to it.
Maybe part of the problem is that most of us want to give more to our kids than we had. At least this is true for us.
Wait a second. You're going to have trouble paying for your son's education, but you're considering taking out a loan to pay for a wedding?? And you're down to one income? Time to teach that child getting married the feeling of self-satisfaction that comes from leaving within your means and paying for your own stuff. WTH?? Let me guess -- you probably don't have enough in retirement savings either? Why would you put yourself in a financial pickle just for a stupid wedding?
Wait a second. You're going to have trouble paying for your son's education, but you're considering taking out a loan to pay for a wedding?? And you're down to one income? Time to teach that child getting married the feeling of self-satisfaction that comes from leaving within your means and paying for your own stuff. WTH?? Let me guess -- you probably don't have enough in retirement savings either? Why would you put yourself in a financial pickle just for a stupid wedding?
I know this is way OT, but A-freakin'-MEN! THIS kind of mentality is exactly why so many people in this country is in dire financial straits.
It is hard to raise kids and have a one income family; I think today people are forced to make the adjustment to one income after one of them is laid off or has to stop working for whatever reasons. Over the past 25 years my husband and I have had both experiences, and I mean that I have both worked and stayed at home with our three kids. We are now on one income and until last month had two kids in college. Thankfully, we are now down to just one. This past year has not been easy. We have too many expenses, the biggest is our kids' schooling, and we are forced to manage our expenses on a tight income. We still have a high school son to raise and I am worried about his college expenses. Although I have an education and a career, I haven't landed a job since relocating to a new city for my husband's job. I thought we saved well, planned for the move and our expenses while I would not be working (one year was our budget), but the truth is that we thought I would be working by now. On top of that, we have a wedding to plan and we are contemplating a loan for that. I guess we will tighten the belt even more, but I don't look forward to it.
Maybe part of the problem is that most of us want to give more to our kids than we had. At least this is true for us.
It was Amen! until that wedding comment. Why do you HAVE to plan a wedding?
Wait a second. You're going to have trouble paying for your son's education, but you're considering taking out a loan to pay for a wedding?? And you're down to one income? Time to teach that child getting married the feeling of self-satisfaction that comes from leaving within your means and paying for your own stuff. WTH?? Let me guess -- you probably don't have enough in retirement savings either? Why would you put yourself in a financial pickle just for a stupid wedding?
Ouch, Skaternum! Actually, we have saved for most of our kids' college expenses, but costs only go up and housing is so expensive. It seems possible that our savings will not be enough. We are not paying for the entire wedding, either, just the catering and maybe the photographer.
As far as retirement, we have saved for our future, but that is a long way off and we will still keep contributing until we are able to collect. We thought we planned well and I think we have, but being one one income was not expected. Just a sign of the times we are living in, I guess.
Well, after reading these posts, I know we have done a lot and even too much for our kids, but we (and they?) have gotten used to this situation. The reasoning in my mind is that I don't think it would be fair to make our younger ones pay for their schooling when we paid the full amount for the first. My husband and I were both third children and our parents didn't pay anything for our schooling since they spent it all on the first two. It's funny that we work so hard for our kids and yet we survived without nearly the same opportunities and help from our parents.
Thanks for all of your insight; I know I have some thinking to do. Of course I completely blame myself and my husband for our current situation.
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sleep posting sunday morning, what have I done?
Let me guess -- you probably don't have enough in retirement savings either? Why would you put yourself in a financial pickle just for a stupid wedding?
