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That is true to an extent but how would they know that she's not like them? She said she dresses professionally and also gets comments from cab drivers, coworkers and funny looks in the exercise room. Again, just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Racism is more common than you think. At this point, it's just annoying more than anything else. Not something that can prevent a person from being successful. Some racist don' think they're racist and don't realize when they are making generalizations or inappropriate comments. Like I said, annoying.
Bolded = YEP.
I love when people are like, "Oh, you are over-reacting, blah, blah, blah." Granted, there are times when we will think something is racism, but it might be a person is a crappy person. However, there are those situations when racism is obvious.
As a second generation American, (Note, I don't say "Russian Polish American"), part of the problem is, that you identify yourself as "African American", and not simply American.
By doing that, you start out by separating yourself.
Forget that dude. We ARE "African-American," "Black American," whatever and some of us have a culture and heritage that we are proud of and remember. If Italian-Americans, Irish-Americans can hold on to their ancestry then so can we. That is actually the thing lacking with Black Americans is that we aren't collectively identifying with a culture, not enough unity; a bringing together under a culture brings unity.
First, I'll begin by stating --I'm African American (born and raised in NY State). After working in NYC for a number of years, I relocated to pursue a new career. Presently, I do a lot of work related traveling; therefore, I venture back to NY on occasion. Because my job finances my travels, I am able to stay at very exclusive hotels in Manhattan. Having this level of 'access' has truly awakened me to the harsh realities of racism.
When I check in at these 'exclusive hotels' I'm often stared at. Many seem to be taken aback that I can 'afford' to stay at such a posh hotel. While using the business facilities, exercising room, etc, I'm greeted with the same level of hostility from the guests (especially white men and women).
I've been told that I look far younger than what I am, and people simply do not expect that a young African American female can afford to stay at such exclusive places. This however strikes me as extremely racist, because it really signifies that people expect blacks to fit into their 'negative stereotypes.' Of course when they come across blacks that don't, it really throws them off; and they do not know what to do.
In truth, my experiences while traveling (especially to NY) have changed my overall disposition. As a result of the racism that I experience, I rarely smile, or say good morning.
Also, sadly, when I show up for work related off-site assignments in NY, the people at the work location seem taken aback that I'm black. The same white people that were extremely friendly over the phone (when we discussed the project during the early phases) appear very shocked that I'm black.
Usually, the meeting goes through several phases, the first phase typically involves a full assessment of my educational background and credentials (despite the fact that technically, I'm the lead on the project and do not work for them). Nevertheless, it always takes a turn for the worst, when they discover that the young black 'girl' is actually highly credentialed and very well qualified. Knowing that I'm a graduate of the Ivy League seems to anger them. Furthermore, once they learn more about my background, they become highly envious.
I've experienced this on multiple occasions. For this reason, I no longer entertain any questions about my background. I do enjoy my line of work, but seriously, it's beginning to take an emotional toll.
Imagine, going to a work site where people constantly question your abilities, and then when you go out for lunch, you can't even receive adequate service from restaurants (primarily in NY) because they view most blacks as poor and insignificant. Also, imagine that when you hail a taxi, and tell the taxi driver where you are going, he seems startled and gears the entire conversation around how you -- 'a black person' can stay at such an exclusive hotel. What's your line of work? What school did you attend? How much money do you make? How did you get that position? Surely the same cab driver would NEVER ask these questions if I were white, because it would be assumed that I 'deserve' to be there.
Lastly, imagine returning to your hotel, only to be met by guests that stare at you (as if you are a wild animal) despite being very professionally dressed.I never really understood the full extent of how racism can impact a person's life, until I started traveling to these elite locations. I'm curious as to how my fellow upwardly mobile African Americans, in similar situations manage to deal with these issues.
Again, it's really starting to take a toll on my health. Any advice that you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
I agree with the OP, I worked in the Gramercy Park area of NYC from 00" to 06" and got a lot of this treatment from some white people. Although I was not a "professional" as her, I dressed as best I could for the job-a technician for Verizon, I did not look like a "thug", my attire was slacks and a polo shirt and my picture ID was always worn around my neck in plain view. Some would cross the street when they saw me coming, only to cross back when I passed, some ladies would move or hold their purses closer. I remembered going into a building and an older white man asking me "what the f are you doing here", I was so shocked, I couldn't even utter a word. I once had a man call me the N-word while I was crossing the street(although it looked as if there was something mentally wrong with him).
It really took a toll on me, I became so withdrawn and selfconcious-always anxious about each day at work. I am not from this country and was so surprised at this behavior, I never got use to that treatment.
Haha! The same thing happened to me in the NYC. NYC is my favorite city though, I spent a lot of time there, but it was there that I was called "n!55er" the FIRST time and the ONLY time out of my mid-20s adult Black American life. LOL The funny thing is that the guy who called me that was a drunk homeless dude, lol. So funny that that happened to the both of us by a mentally impaired person.
Wow, OP I'm surprised that all of those years in NYC sure didn't give you a thicker skin.
I am also very surprised that your parents didn't have "the talk" with you about how to handle such situations. Black people of means know that there will always be non-Blacks who do not understand how "we got what we got".
I am sorry if you haven't learned how to deflect rude questions about your financial means but here are a few little tips:
1 ) When someone asks how can you afford something simply reply with great confidence that you have been greatly blessed in you life. If they are asking how much you make, ignore the question and simply give them a stoic smile.
2) When people stare at you, ignore them and take it as a compliment that you look fabulous
3) Hostility is equal to envy (or even racial confusion) in many cases. Many non-Blacks have been taught that Black people are always supposed to be on the bottom so your presence reminds them that this belief is wrong. Greet hostile glances with a warm, pleasant smile or when appropriate a "Good morning, good evening, etc". Some of these people have never had any interaction with Black people let alone Black people of means.
4) Always remember that you can not control the actions of others but you can control your reactions to them.
Nadia, I can see why you would be annoyed at that treatment. Maybe you can "reframe" it, as they say.
Couple of things, one, face it, there aren't that many educated, well dressed, highly successful black females in positions of power in relation to the overall population, so you are an oddity in certain places whether you like it or not. I don't see that changing in our lifetime, frankly. Some of those stares may indeed be malevolent racism (what is that uppity black doing in our clean white zone?), but some of those stares may be "racism" of the admiring kind (look, an accomplished, beautiful and proud black woman, good for her that she's doing so well in life). You don't really know what is going on in the hearts and minds of people, you can only surmise. Sometimes you'll hit it but other times you won't.
Second thing I wanted to know is, how do black people treat you? Do they accuse you of talking white, eating white, dressing white, acting white, etc? Does that strike you as racist too? Why should a successful black person have to make excuses for themselves to their own people? Yet I hear it's a big problem whenever a black person becomes successful.
On the bright side, upper crust white racism that takes place in the 5 star hotel lobby is obnoxious as hell but you'd probably prefer that racism to the racism experienced by a white person who has to walk home through Harlem after working night shift.
Same old I am black victim post that we have seen on here a thousand times.
OK. Let's change it up, how about we not use the term victim? We're not victims of anything. As you see here, she and many others are doing a lot better than some of the racists, so there isn't really much as the result of being a "victim." Looks to me as though YOU presented that term here, not anyone else. So, we don't feel like victims and just to prevent that accusation that we are trying to play "black victim," let's just make it clear that we don't feel like victims. There is no victim here. Victim of what? What have those who are expressing their experience with this ever failed short of reaching? However, there ARE those who are the victims of discrimination and prejudice. THEY have been kept out of jobs, housing and education. They ARE victims.
I question her being a "victim" at all. She seems to just be a hypersensetive person who looks for racism around every corner.
Maybe you are just looking for that to be true about her because you are so fixated on that being the case about every black person who wants to speak, vent or discuss what they are feeling about their interactions with racists?
How is it classism when A: they dont know what class she's in because they dont know her and B: she is probably in the same class as those who are staring and asking inappropriate questions?
First, I'll begin by stating --I'm African American (born and raised in NY State). After working in NYC for a number of years, I relocated to pursue a new career. Presently, I do a lot of work related traveling; therefore, I venture back to NY on occasion. Because my job finances my travels, I am able to stay at very exclusive hotels in Manhattan. Having this level of 'access' has truly awakened me to the harsh realities of racism.
When I check in at these 'exclusive hotels' I'm often stared at. Many seem to be taken aback that I can 'afford' to stay at such a posh hotel. While using the business facilities, exercising room, etc, I'm greeted with the same level of hostility from the guests (especially white men and women).
I've been told that I look far younger than what I am, and people simply do not expect that a young African American female can afford to stay at such exclusive places. This however strikes me as extremely racist, because it really signifies that people expect blacks to fit into their 'negative stereotypes.' Of course when they come across blacks that don't, it really throws them off; and they do not know what to do.
In truth, my experiences while traveling (especially to NY) have changed my overall disposition. As a result of the racism that I experience, I rarely smile, or say good morning.
Also, sadly, when I show up for work related off-site assignments in NY, the people at the work location seem taken aback that I'm black. The same white people that were extremely friendly over the phone (when we discussed the project during the early phases) appear very shocked that I'm black.
Usually, the meeting goes through several phases, the first phase typically involves a full assessment of my educational background and credentials (despite the fact that technically, I'm the lead on the project and do not work for them). Nevertheless, it always takes a turn for the worst, when they discover that the young black 'girl' is actually highly credentialed and very well qualified. Knowing that I'm a graduate of the Ivy League seems to anger them. Furthermore, once they learn more about my background, they become highly envious.
I've experienced this on multiple occasions. For this reason, I no longer entertain any questions about my background. I do enjoy my line of work, but seriously, it's beginning to take an emotional toll.
Imagine, going to a work site where people constantly question your abilities, and then when you go out for lunch, you can't even receive adequate service from restaurants (primarily in NY) because they view most blacks as poor and insignificant. Also, imagine that when you hail a taxi, and tell the taxi driver where you are going, he seems startled and gears the entire conversation around how you -- 'a black person' can stay at such an exclusive hotel. What's your line of work? What school did you attend? How much money do you make? How did you get that position? Surely the same cab driver would NEVER ask these questions if I were white, because it would be assumed that I 'deserve' to be there.
Lastly, imagine returning to your hotel, only to be met by guests that stare at you (as if you are a wild animal) despite being very professionally dressed.I never really understood the full extent of how racism can impact a person's life, until I started traveling to these elite locations. I'm curious as to how my fellow upwardly mobile African Americans, in similar situations manage to deal with these issues.
Again, it's really starting to take a toll on my health. Any advice that you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Wow. I just saw this thread and am truly surprised. I'm sorry that you are going through that, and to the extent that it's occurring. I don't even know what to say other than to not allow people to interrogate you beyond what would be considered normal questions and to maybe change the subject if they push too far. If people want to stare, let 'em. Maybe you can serve as an example to them that not all black people are ghetto (or whatever the perception is), if that's what their problem is. Not that you should have to, but we're all kind of walking billboards and people will judge us, even just slightly, even if we don't want or intend for them to.
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