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I think women in general are getting a lot of bad advice and cues from society. I remember last year a mother of two Princeton male students and a Princeton alum herself suggested that female Princeton students should concentrate on meeting a guy while at school. She was eviscerated by the liberal media.
To me her advice made perfect sense. The issue is not the availability of men but the normal natural preferences of most women. Most women will marry at or above their social and economic level. So if you're a female Ivy League student you are most likely not going to marry a poor illiterate landscaper. The ability to meet a suitable male for such a woman diminishes each year they are out of school. Also males have a preference for younger women as they get older. So an educated woman who finds herself single at 35 runs the real risk of never marrying.
The majority of professional women who've attended an ivy are financially secure. If they are uninterested in having children and have not found Mr. Right, are they really missing out, because they are not married?
I attended an elite university and graduate program, however I never met Mr. Right, because I was far too focused on my studies. I'm African American and I recall when I was a teen, my mom and teachers strongly advised me not to date anyone. They were scared that if I dated, I would become sexually active and run the risk of having an out of wedlock child. I was so fearful of becoming a negative statistic that for the longest time, I avoided men because I didn't want to end up like so many other black women, with out of wedlock children.
Although I didn't meet Mr. Right in school or after graduating, I am very much financially secure, thanks to my stellar education and professional work experience. I would love to be in a great relationship, but if it doesn't happen, such is life. I am in my early 30s. I do not have any children, nor do I plan on having children, so the time factor is not really salient in my case.
Last edited by Lauren4343; 03-09-2014 at 04:09 PM..
I'm just not certain why the o.p. thought City Data was the best place in which to call out black culture in general and black women in particular. Hypersexual? Hmmmm. Granted it was a while back but the first woman that blew my mind sexually was a white woman. Black women are not all that sexual. Fertile yes. The two are not related. I certainly did not want the pregnancies that black women brought to me. I think if I use both hands and both feet I can count the number of times my ex-wife and me had sex. Three kids in four years of marriage. That isn't including the aborted pregnancies of ex-gf's. No pregnancies at all with the white women I have dated nor the one I have been with for the last eight years. Not even a scare. Well maybe a scare. But when you've had literally thousands of 'at bats' I think the overall stats are pretty good. Not looking back. If I could talk to them I would tell my daughters NOT to be like their mother and blackmail guys into staying with them through anchor babies. But even more important than holding the womb hostage is becoming and being a person that can attract and keep a man by being interesting, thoughtful and personable. But all that said... why the concern about out of wedlock children? Who really cares? Plenty of white children are conceived out of wedlock and the parents marry later. Plenty of white children are conceived in wedlock but the parents divorce later. At any given moment in America there are far, far more white single mothers than black ones.
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Last edited by CaseyB; 03-11-2014 at 05:10 AM..
Reason: rude
Women are not penalized for having children that they cannot afford. A simple trip to the welfare office will provide for the essentials but let a black man have a child he cannot afford to take care of, the penalty is imprisonment, felony records, suspended license and marred credit ratings, social ostracization etc.. Why is this a blatant double standard??
I have wondered this very thing, and have seen very few make this connection. Good to see someone else thinking along these lines.
I'm a black woman and I was speaking with an associate about the number of women willing to have out of wedlock children, without any commitment (i.e. marriage). Presently, over 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. Why do so many black women continue to settle for so little? Having a child is a very serious commitment. Why are so many black women willing to have children, without requiring that the man commit through marriage?
Yes, there's a lot of other races of women who also have children out of wedlock, but let's be honest, their communities are not experiencing the same levels of poverty and devastation.
Because of a lot of Black women feel it's not their fault when they get pregnant and it is always the man's fault for their pregnancy, although a lot of Black women are the ones that initially make the first sexual advancements. If a woman goes to a man's house and gets into his bed and end up getting pregnant, 50% of the reason why she got pregnant is from her own actions. Also, a lot of young Black mothers are looking for love through a infant child, which in reality the infant child is the one that need to be love and taken care of properly.
I'm a black woman and I was speaking with an associate about the number of women willing to have out of wedlock children, without any commitment (i.e. marriage). Presently, over 70% of black children are born out of wedlock. Why do so many black women continue to settle for so little? Having a child is a very serious commitment. Why are so many black women willing to have children, without requiring that the man commit through marriage?
Yes, there's a lot of other races of women who also have children out of wedlock, but let's be honest, their communities are not experiencing the same levels of poverty and devastation.
The other communities don't have the level of out of wedlock births either. Not even close.
The Great Society has destroyed the black society because the black society allowed it to happen and even encouraged it to happen. Oh yes they did!
Sad when you think about it. 60 years ago blacks certainly had to contend with racial issues throughout the country but their families, their society, was intact. 60 years ago 15 year old black females were not having sex outside of marriage anywhere near the extent of it happening now. There were problems but their families were intact.
Then the great slave master LBJ moved in with his Great Society in order to reclaim slave ownership for the democratic party.
Think about it, if I wanted to enslave a newborn baby boy how would I do it? Answer would be to give him everything he needs to survive; a roof over his head, a little food, a little spending money all without consequences for stupid behaviors. If he didn't go to school and get good good grades he would still receive the same things as the kid that did.
If he misbehaved there would be no consequences for his misbehavior be it stupidity in the classroom or being a drunken, drug taking dolt he's still receive my largess. He would never have to go hungry or be without a roof over his head for I, I being his future master, would care for his every need. The last thing I would want my property to do is learn to care for all his own needs.
Do this for 20 years and you own this young man for life.
I appreciate where you're coming from in regards to blight of black women and the failed responsibility of black men, but regardless of the disproportionate stats based on race, it should be a race less issue. The best way to avoid out of wedlock kids is wear a condom until you've both made a commitment to want to raise a kid. It's both parties responsibility and it needs to be addressed by all races. Unwanted pregnancy is 100% effective without sex and over 99% effective with birth control. Some men are just pigs and only care about sex, but more will show you proper respect if you show it to yourself. You can't be mad at a man who doesn't want a kid with you when he barely knows you and you spread them legs without demanding some form of protection and more previous knowledge. And men you can't be mad at women who trash talk you and demand money from you when you don't protect yourself and your out plowing every open field and not caring which way the fertilizer goes. Be responsible adults! There ain't no better unwanted pregnancy prevention mentality then that.
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