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I'm relatively old guy (almost 32) for never being married. I just want to have a good life regardless of whether I get married or not. Sure, I'd like to get married someday, but if it doesn't happen, it doesn't make me a bad person or anything.
Well, from what I've read, look at your parent's marriage. If it's a good one, (and your partners'), you are probably good to go. If your family has had problems, that is your role model and you've, chances are, ingested some toxic tendencies. It is wise to do a lot of self analysis before entering into a committed relationship if your role model is lousy.
I did not marry until I was 55 yrs. old. Most of the men who I was attracted to, before then, were similar to my father. My parents had divorced. This guy is very different and we've been together for over 13 years and happy. Fortunately, my maternal instincts end with pets.
There is no reason why we have to marry. There are too many people in the world. Yeah, we might be able to support more people, but why would we want to do that? Do you see how many chickens they can fit in a coop on a modern farm? Do we think that's desirable for us?
What he meant was, that once a woman is pregnant and/or married she can leave and 20-50% of his paycheck follows. not that a woman's standard of living won't change.
By and large women get screwed in a divorce? Women usually marry men that make more than they do and if they divorce the assets are split, plus child support. Men have to pay that child support no matter what. If the company lays him off and he gets a new job making less he still has to pay support on his old pay. Can't pay? Go to jail. I do realize not every state has the same laws, so some will better than others, but it seems like a very bad deal for men.
Why should a man NOT support the children that he sired? Just don't have them, if the relationship is 'iffy'. Have an operation, or ask her if she wants to. Often a woman doesn't want kids either. Sometimes it is the man who insists that he have offspring. THen things don't work out. In life you pay for sloppy thinking.
I have a niece who is a Pharmacist. She's barely 30 years old and making 150K a year. She has made it clear she's not interested in getting married, but she got pregnant from some dude she met at her gym. Not interested in marrying him. I told her straight out to remember she's a Catholic and if her Mom won't tell her I will, since I'm her Godfather. Now of course they are both mad at me. Such BS.
Not really your business, is it?
She's as 'Catholic' as she wants to be and when she wants to be. Just because this woman does not share Catholic values does not mean she has no values at all. She is living in a world that is different than the one you grew up in. Cut her some slack.
I would have had an abortion. If she's vying to have the kid, then your values 'took'.
Last edited by goldengrain; 01-12-2013 at 02:42 PM..
"Fewer young men in the US want to get married than ever, while the desire for marriage is rising among young women ... Pew recently found that the number of women 18-34 saying that having a successful marriage is one of the most important things rose from 28 percent to 37 percent since 1997. The number of young adult men saying the same thing dropped from 35 percent to 29 percent in the same time."
It's not difficult to understand. Men don't need to get married to have sexual relationships anymore. "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?", etc. Men are in a much more vulnerable position in marriage today, since they are not necessary for their wives' financial security or social status. Despite the desire for marriage expressed by many women, few show any signs of being capable of long-term commitments. 67 percent of divorces are initiated by wives, most for frivolous reasons.
But it's not all women's fault. Men really don't have to grow up anymore, and so they aren't growing up. By some accounts more than 70 percent of men are addicted to pornography. Nevermind video games. And what kind of woman wants to marry a thirty-something video-game addict who doesn't even own a tie?
Some people poke fun of, and even ridicule the older traditions of our duty as citizens to live and maintain a moral and ethical behavior within society. It used to be where the moral and ethical conduct between mature men and women was that if you were going to have sex, then marriage aught to be a serious consideration. Our decadent pop culture has kicked those ideals to the curb.
The "Hit it an quit it" mentality is more in-line with current cultural norms, and women are viewed as sex objects, to be tossed aside when the next sweet young thing comes along. Let the woman get an abortion, or take the pill, or use an IUD, it's not the man's concern anymore.
In another thread it was stated that there is a reason that the Muslims are gaining, and too, the Hispanics. The way things are now, fewer Americans are marrying and having children, and educated couples in all likelihood won't produce as much offspring as traditional, religious peoples of other countries. You cannot compete with that on a global scale going forward. But what's a man to do with the way the courts are setup? Marriage offers no protection for them, and having a kid subjects you to the Court's whim. If they decide to get married, then that's fine for them. Only time will tell.
If China continues it's rise and India gets her act together, these countries will have more than enough kids to top Mexicans and Arabs.
Also, generally speaking, the more educated and prosperous a people become the fewer children they have. So the solution is to encourage such things in these backward countries.
Location: Currently I physically reside on the 3rd planet from the sun
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Quote:
Originally Posted by goldengrain
Not really your business, is it?
She's as 'Catholic' as she wants to be and when she wants to be. Not every person is cut out to be a good parent, even though they are capable of having kids.
Family is still family although you are technically correct if the young lady wants to disenfranchise herself from her family that is her choice.
However imho she is a selfish ***** who exemplifies the 'children are pets' attitude by bringing a child into this world without the benefit of a committed partner and father in raising it.
And if it were the other way around I would say a selfish b@stard.
The male friends I have , many times say 6 or 7 out of 10 after the kids were raised their wife left them setting them financially way back and heart broken. The latest trend is for someone to reconnect with a lost flame on facebook and divorce their current and take off. That happened to 3 of my male friends.
Marriage is for either meeting someone's needs or more idealistically for love. Women don't need men so much anymore, they can provide for themselves. Love?, well while we all want it , it doesn't come around to often.
I just turned 46, never married and no kids. Only felt true love to someone once but she didn't have the same strong feelings back toward me in the end. Just haven't met anybody I'd being wanting to marry in years.
But.....
I have a house paid, car paid, little debt, my job supports my wants and needs pretty well. I am reasonably decent looking, I get laid often enough. Love guitar it takes up most of my mind so I don't really worry about meeting a special other, I am alone but hardly ever lonely.
Why mess that up just because society says get married? Why so I can go through what too many of my friends have?
In my 20's and 30' and even now to some extent most women I meet are single with a kid, sometimes 2 or 3. Just not going to take on that drama.
If China continues it's rise and India gets her act together, these countries will have more than enough kids to top Mexicans and Arabs.
Also, generally speaking, the more educated and prosperous a people become the fewer children they have. So the solution is to encourage such things in these backward countries.
In the data from the few searches I did I could not find official government statistics regarding education and a specific amount of children to follow. I'm guessing asking the education level of the parents wasn't part of the data set they collected. My hunch is the educated will aim for the 2.5 kids instead of taking after the Duggar family whose principles are based in religion. From just a select set of individuals I know off the top of my head, of the ones who are educated, they are single with no kids, or in relationships with no kids, at least for now. A few are married and have families, but it didn't used to be the norm to wait that long. A sibling of mine got a vasectomy because he didn't want to take the chance of getting reamed by the courts, and he's also avoiding marriage just the same.
So only men should pay child support, even if it's proven he's not the father?
No. I tried to edit this but it was too late. People should pay child support in a ratio of the incomes that they make. The biological father should pay. There have been court cases in which a man finds that a kid was not his after supporting the kid. Courts often will make him continue his responsibility because he accepted the child as his.
It's a sorry mess.
I don't know what the welfare situation is today. In New Jersey you are allowed one child on welfare. Any others you have to pay for yourself, I believe. I have read in many posts that the law no longer encourages young women to have many children, paying them more and more for each one.
If you were in a marriage and your wife had a kid by another man and you found out about it and the other man could not afford child support, you would be it, rather than the tax payer footing the bill.
I think that's how it works.
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