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If this woman did not want the child she adopted, could she not just give it up to an orphanage legally? She obviously didn't care for this child, it is probably for the best that he is out of her care. Why does she need to be punished for doing what was probably in the child's best interest?
Russian adoptions are notorious for being risky. RAD is almost a guarantee - for this woman not to have anticipated that shows that she really didn't prepare for being an adoptive mother. I'm not saying that parenting a RAD child would be easy - absolutely not! - but when a person undertakes an adoption you forgo the 'right' to change your mind just as you would not have the 'right' to change your mind if you had a biological child. She crossed a line and should be charged with child abandonment.
Now let me clear up a few things about international adoption .........
1) Noone is trying to be like Angelina Jolie. Children are not accessories like purses nor or they little yappy dogs and believe it or not adoptive parents understand that.
2) To adopt internationally you still have to have a home study done. This is where a social worker will visit your home about five or six times prior to the adoption and about four times afterwards. Plus, you have to take a two day class that covers all aspects of adoption including racial and cultural differences and yes...RAD.
3) Where are all the American orphans? I have no clue about this abundance of American children needing adopting. Where are they? Unlike many other cultures, there is no stigma against single motherhood in the US. And of course abortion is legal and easily gotten. There are adoption agencies but they are highly selective due to the high demand and low supply of adoptable babies. We were told by US adoption agencies that they do not accept couples who have 2+ children. That left us out and many, many of the other families who go the international adoption route. And foster care........god bless those that adopt from foster care. I couldn't do it - emotionally I couldn't handle the loss of a child that I loved and cared for going back to its bio parents at the eleventh hour. See, foster care is about reuniting the children with their bio parents regardless of how bad they may be.
I hope I cleared up some of the common misconceptions about international adoption. It is not easy, nor is it cheap and people are not doing it to be trendy. It is a way to make a family no more and no less.
I agree, American adoption agencies are more selective as far as I know.
Adoption in any situation is a huge risk. How emotionally/physically/intellectually impaired could the child be. Who knows what happened during pregnancy.
I don't think single mothers should be allowed to adopt simply because of those variables and an adopted child may/may not have more needs, and how can one person financially support a child and raise them if they have some disabilities/impairments.
I think there should have been paperwork addressing this from the start. If there isn't, now is the time. What if the child was a threat to the mother and grandmother? Did the orphanage lie to them in order to get rid of the child? Too many questions to ask and assumptions could not be made.
Seven year olds are capable of horrible things without realizing the consequences. Anyone recall the six year old shot in Flint about 10 years ago by her classmate? If the adoptive mother felt legitimatelly afraid for her safety, I don't blame her for doing what she did. Even though it should have been done in a more appropriate way.
I didn't even see anywhere in the article on how long the woman had the boy before sending them back....not informative on the case itself, allows a lot of assumptions to be made.
I agree, American adoption agencies are more selective as far as I know.
Adoption in any situation is a huge risk. How emotionally/physically/intellectually impaired could the child be. Who knows what happened during pregnancy.
I don't think single mothers should be allowed to adopt simply because of those variables and an adopted child may/may not have more needs, and how can one person financially support a child and raise them if they have some disabilities/impairments.
I think there should have been paperwork addressing this from the start. If there isn't, now is the time. What if the child was a threat to the mother and grandmother? Did the orphanage lie to them in order to get rid of the child? Too many questions to ask and assumptions could not be made.
Seven year olds are capable of horrible things without realizing the consequences. Anyone recall the six year old shot in Flint about 10 years ago by her classmate? If the adoptive mother felt legitimatelly afraid for her safety, I don't blame her for doing what she did. Even though it should have been done in a more appropriate way.
I didn't even see anywhere in the article on how long the woman had the boy before sending them back....not informative on the case itself, allows a lot of assumptions to be made.
Apparently she only had him since September.
I do disagree with allowing single women to adopt --- if they are financially stable then why not? In this case the woman in question did not take into account the chance of her not getting a 'perfect' child. Just as with pregnancy things can and do go wrong. This woman was woefully unprepared for what she got --- but that does not excuse her way of dealing with it.
I do disagree with allowing single women to adopt --- if they are financially stable then why not? In this case the woman in question did not take into account the chance of her not getting a 'perfect' child. Just as with pregnancy things can and do go wrong. This woman was woefully unprepared for what she got --- but that does not excuse her way of dealing with it.
Even if they're financially stable....thats a one on one all the time, and you don't know what you're getting. You need help eventually.
Agreed, the way she dealt with it was not appropriate at all. It has to be asked though.....was she lied to by the orphanage like she claims? Its easy to judge based on just a short article and your own opinions, but ask if this is entirely her fault or is the russian system to blame as well. Again, I think she handled it poorly, but what was she going through, and was she fully informed of what she was getting into before she signed anything?
Even if they're financially stable....thats a one on one all the time, and you don't know what you're getting. You need help eventually.
Agreed, the way she dealt with it was not appropriate at all. It has to be asked though.....was she lied to by the orphanage like she claims? Its easy to judge based on just a short article and your own opinions, but ask if this is entirely her fault or is the russian system to blame as well. Again, I think she handled it poorly, but what was she going through, and was she fully informed of what she was getting into before she signed anything?
Just like if this was a "husband" she was trying to get rid of with aid of an attorney, because "she was mislead". No, it's never "her" fault as she's always the victim.
She probably will be charged. But in the article it talks of a on going siutation of adoptions gone bad between America and Russia. What that will mean long term between the countries will be in question.
I can't say I know about Russia , never been there, but seems to me they aren't a third world country incapable of taking care of its people.
The woman did say he was like a Damien, threatening to burn down the house and kill them, still doesn't excuse what she did.
The Russian agencies do not divulge all of the information regarding the children that are offered up for adoption. The woman certainly took a chance taking a child into her home without a clear picture of the child's mental health. According to her, the child became progressively more violent towards her family and showed signs of being sociopathic. Whether or not this is true remains to be seen, but I will say that if this was the case, I do not blame her for wanting to wash her hands of the kid, but she really could have brought him to authorities here in the USA and explained the situation. I am very curious to hear all of the facts.
Last edited by sickofnyc; 04-10-2010 at 09:06 AM..
Better yet have your own kids and quit trying to buy other people's kids.
How ignorant do you have to be to not understand why people adopt instead of having their own????
Quote:
I don't think single mothers should be allowed to adopt simply because of those variables and an adopted child may/may not have more needs, and how can one person financially support a child and raise them if they have some disabilities/impairments.
Single parents raise children with special needs all the time--why should adopted children be any different than biological children? Furthermore, dual income is no guarantee of financial ability. Two people can easily earn far less than single person who has a bigger salary.
And of course this idea assumes that the adoption agency and orphanage are honest about the child's condition. But this story proves exactly why that assumption is so full of error--the agencies and orphanages LIE about the child's history and condition.
To a lesser extent, the idea also relies on a universal acceptance of what is 'disabled' or 'special needs'. In Russia, if you are walking and talking, you aren't disabled. Of course the US has a vastly different view.
In part, expenses. In part, there's fewer restrictions. Domestic adoptions have to be approved by state child services agencies. Child services tend to prefer very white-picket-fence applicants.
Interested in single parenthood? That's an uphill battle. It happens occasionally, usually when the applicant has a sizable income. Merely middle class is not enough.
Domestic partners? Forget it. Only four states allow it. Some people try to get around the law by only one partner adopting as a single parent, but many are still prohibited from doing so, based on their sexuality alone.
On your second marriage? Clearly not a stable home environment for raising children. What on earth are you thinking wanting to bring a child into a home life that 50% of all children in this country experience?
Placement officers will interrogate interested parents about things that most people would be appalled to know they were asking--how many times you have sex with your spouse. Your favorite position. Any sex toys you may own or have ever tried. How many other ways or times you tried to have biological children. Questions about your political views on a wide variety of every current political topic. Submit a diary of: every television show you have watched in the past six months, all of the food you have purchased and eaten, and every website you have used. Also submit copies of all of your bank account statements and defend every purchase.
It is brutal. I know of more than a few people who have just given up because they find the process humiliating and offensive. They go for an international adoption so that they don't have to go through the invasion.
Ask Senator John McCain about how he was interrogated by local adoption authorities. He adopted a child from Bangladesh. American social services got a taste of his legendary temper. However, my suspicion is many of us would not win the Miss Congeniality prize if we were asked how many times we had sex with our spouse per month.
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