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Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,772,368 times
Reputation: 3587
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chatteress
most of their lives. These kids had the best of what she could provide for them and they thrived under her love and care.
Oh, so their bio mama did not show up 2 years later to snatch them back? How luck she was. I am not saying she could not turn them around. You can turn about any kid around if you are not afraid to use a paddle on their behind once in a awhile as you also reward them for desirable behaviour and show them the love and affection they require. But if you do that and the evil bio shows up, you are likely to get hurt and the kid even more hurt.
I've known a lady who cared for THREE drug-addicted babies and they are now healthy adults. Love can heal lots of wounds.
You reminded me of a family here in town that adopted three drug addicted black girls and they are all wonderful children from the times I have met them. Some people have a gift woth children.
I think the strong reaction to this story is a reaction to the manner in which this woman gave up on the child. The fact that she put him on a plane with a note attached is what people are reacting to.
The truth is, kids are turned over to the state or returned to state custody from foster homes after failed placements all the time. Whether they're ushered out of a car or out of a plane doesn't make much difference, especially to the child. It's the rejection that leaves the scars, the mode of transportation makes no difference. This story wouldn't even have made the news if the woman severed her parental rights and gave the boy over to the US foster care system.
My father was a state kid and lived in 18 different foster homes by the time he was 18. He wasn't a behavior problem, but he certainly had RAD. Can you imagine? Rejected by 18 different families.
I'm not minimizing or condoning what the woman did, but I'd just like to point out that there are many kids who, right now, are growing up as my father did, shuffled from one home to the next, feeling every bit as abandoned as this child must feel, every time they are returned.
Realistically, the boy has experienced one failed placement, two if you consider his biological parents. Besides my father, I've known kids who have gone through many more. Because of the sensational nature of this story, there will probably be a Russian family who will want to adopt this young boy that are better prepared and equipt to deal with his emotional issues. Let's hope so, anyway.
I am reading this thread and see some have friends or know someone who has adopted kids from overseas. I have known several families who have adopted Russian kids, a german child and several asian children. The ones who seem to adapt best (from a nurse's point of few) are the asian children. They do very well. The Russian kids seem to have many emotional issues and most were in therapy with attachment disorders, severe ADHD, poor school performance etc (but the ones I knew were adopted by 6 mos of age not 7 years old. The one German boy who was about 9 years old when adopted actually was also returned. This family was a wonderful family with an 11yo son & 12 yo daughter (both sweet soft spoken kids too), the mother being a teacher. They brought the boy home after having stayed a month in Germany with him. He did not speak English but took to their affection. They got him involved in language classes, soccer etc. The first 3-4 months he seemed ok, quiet but playing well with the family. He started speaking English very well in a short amount of time so no doubt very intelligent too. Little things started happening..the neighbor's cat was choked to death, their pet bird mysteriously died in its cage, the hamster was sick. He then out of no where while playing would put their then 14yo yo son in a choke hold til he almost passed out. They talked to professionals and tried to help him but the final straw was when the three kids were watching tv one night and he got up and got a snack then ran full speed jumped onto the 15 yo girl and broke her arm. They had to pry him off her. He also would roam the house at night to the point she took an administrative leave from her teaching job. The reason for my post is I agree with another poster that no one can know what these kids go through before you get them. It changes the person they should have been. They carry anger and distrust that takes years of therapy to deal with. One of the russian girls who was adopted at 6 mos had severe add and was kicked out of 3 preschools due to biting and aggression. I am telling parents that have asked for my opinion about overseas adoptions to talk to as many parents as they can who have adopted.
I am reading this thread and see some have friends or know someone who has adopted kids from overseas. I have known several families who have adopted Russian kids, a german child and several asian children. The ones who seem to adapt best (from a nurse's point of few) are the asian children. They do very well. The Russian kids seem to have many emotional issues and most were in therapy with attachment disorders, severe ADHD, poor school performance etc (but the ones I knew were adopted by 6 mos of age not 7 years old. The one German boy who was about 9 years old when adopted actually was also returned. This family was a wonderful family with an 11yo son & 12 yo daughter (both sweet soft spoken kids too), the mother being a teacher. They brought the boy home after having stayed a month in Germany with him. He did not speak English but took to their affection. They got him involved in language classes, soccer etc. The first 3-4 months he seemed ok, quiet but playing well with the family. He started speaking English very well in a short amount of time so no doubt very intelligent too. Little things started happening..the neighbor's cat was choked to death, their pet bird mysteriously died in its cage, the hamster was sick. He then out of no where while playing would put their then 14yo yo son in a choke hold til he almost passed out. They talked to professionals and tried to help him but the final straw was when the three kids were watching tv one night and he got up and got a snack then ran full speed jumped onto the 15 yo girl and broke her arm. They had to pry him off her. He also would roam the house at night to the point she took an administrative leave from her teaching job. The reason for my post is I agree with another poster that no one can know what these kids go through before you get them. It changes the person they should have been. They carry anger and distrust that takes years of therapy to deal with. One of the russian girls who was adopted at 6 mos had severe add and was kicked out of 3 preschools due to biting and aggression. I am telling parents that have asked for my opinion about overseas adoptions to talk to as many parents as they can who have adopted.
Thank you for your post. Perhaps it will make people less judgmental toward the woman. Clearly she invested a lot of time and money adopting this child and had every desire to give a needy child a loving home. She must have been at the end of her rope to take such a drastic step.
I have taken care of kids that were so violent that they were placed on our pediatric unit because the parents feared for their lives, and there was no where else to put the child on short notice. One boy had set the dog on fire. Another had sexually assaulted his sister. And these were not adopted children.
As much as I would love to adopt a child I would not take a chance on my own children's safety. Or my pets, for that matter.
Thank you for your post. Perhaps it will make people less judgmental toward the woman. Clearly she invested a lot of time and money adopting this child and had every desire to give a needy child a loving home. She must have been at the end of her rope to take such a drastic step.
I have taken care of kids that were so violent that they were placed on our pediatric unit because the parents feared for their lives, and there was no where else to put the child on short notice. One boy had set the dog on fire. Another had sexually assaulted his sister. And these were not adopted children.
As much as I would love to adopt a child I would not take a chance on my own children's safety. Or my pets, for that matter.
That is exactly what I thought when I heard about this.
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,259 posts, read 24,772,368 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by tiddles
Thank you for your post. Perhaps it will make people less judgmental toward the woman. Clearly she invested a lot of time and money adopting this child and had every desire to give a needy child a loving home. She must have been at the end of her rope to take such a drastic step.
I have taken care of kids that were so violent that they were placed on our pediatric unit because the parents feared for their lives, and there was no where else to put the child on short notice. One boy had set the dog on fire. Another had sexually assaulted his sister. And these were not adopted children.
As much as I would love to adopt a child I would not take a chance on my own children's safety. Or my pets, for that matter.
Maybe but she clearly was not equipped to handle this to start with and did not handle it well to end with. First of all, being a single lady, she should have adopted a girl and not a boy. I am sorry to offend you ladies but the fact is that almost none of you can raise a boy child into manhood. A boy has to learn to be a MAN from a MAN.
Secondly she handled it wrong in putting the kid on a plane back to Russia. Once here, he is our problem. As I said before, if she could not handle the kid, she should have asked for help with him or even shopped him to Americans. I could have have taken him and I would have straightened little Boris up. I am sure there are other men out there that think likewise.
Maybe but she clearly was not equipped to handle this to start with and did not handle it well to end with. First of all, being a single lady, she should have adopted a girl and not a boy. I am sorry to offend you ladies but the fact is that almost none of you can raise a boy child into manhood. A boy has to learn to be a MAN from a MAN.
Secondly she handled it wrong in putting the kid on a plane back to Russia. Once here, he is our problem. As I said before, if she could not handle the kid, she should have asked for help with him or even shopped him to Americans. I could have have taken him and I would have straightened little Boris up. I am sure there are other men out there that think likewise.
Tell me..how would you have straightened up "Boris" or any problematic adopted kid ?? Say Boris got a nail and ran it down the side of your car or destroyed something of value. Would you have a warm fuzzy talk? Ok say you do, then he smacks you in the face one day for nothing but maybe he didn't like the eggs you scrambled for him.. or maybe one of your kids comes in the house with his skull cracked because little Boris for no reason grabbed a big rock and bashed him for grins...do you get where I am going with this at all? These kids have huge issues and some professionals can't even help them. Call it buyers remorse I guess for lack of a better term. I don't think she should have put the boy solo on a plane back to Russia,he would have ended up in many foster homes or possibly detention system if kept here. I didn't want to go label this strongly but some of these kids are sociopaths due to their early upbringing. They have an impoverished conscience, they don't feel bad when they do wrong, they feel entitled to do so at times. This is again not always the case with adopting kids from Russia but in the past 20 years I have seen this particular country give up very disturbed kids for adoption to Americans often saying it is an adjustment phase (if they should act up while parents are in Russia to adopt).
I am reading this thread and see some have friends or know someone who has adopted kids from overseas. I have known several families who have adopted Russian kids, a german child and several asian children. The ones who seem to adapt best (from a nurse's point of few) are the asian children. They do very well. The Russian kids seem to have many emotional issues and most were in therapy with attachment disorders, severe ADHD, poor school performance etc (but the ones I knew were adopted by 6 mos of age not 7 years old. The one German boy who was about 9 years old when adopted actually was also returned. This family was a wonderful family with an 11yo son & 12 yo daughter (both sweet soft spoken kids too), the mother being a teacher. They brought the boy home after having stayed a month in Germany with him. He did not speak English but took to their affection. They got him involved in language classes, soccer etc. The first 3-4 months he seemed ok, quiet but playing well with the family. He started speaking English very well in a short amount of time so no doubt very intelligent too. Little things started happening..the neighbor's cat was choked to death, their pet bird mysteriously died in its cage, the hamster was sick. He then out of no where while playing would put their then 14yo yo son in a choke hold til he almost passed out. They talked to professionals and tried to help him but the final straw was when the three kids were watching tv one night and he got up and got a snack then ran full speed jumped onto the 15 yo girl and broke her arm. They had to pry him off her. He also would roam the house at night to the point she took an administrative leave from her teaching job. The reason for my post is I agree with another poster that no one can know what these kids go through before you get them. It changes the person they should have been. They carry anger and distrust that takes years of therapy to deal with. One of the russian girls who was adopted at 6 mos had severe add and was kicked out of 3 preschools due to biting and aggression. I am telling parents that have asked for my opinion about overseas adoptions to talk to as many parents as they can who have adopted.
Adopting a child is not like getting a canary. If it doesn't sing, you return it. You take on the responsibility of a parent. A biological child is not "sent back" even though he could have serious medical or emotional pro0blems--bi-polar, sociopath or whatever. This woman has erred in a number of ways. First, taking on this reponsibility if she didn't have the resources to handle what ever came her way as a result. Second, "returning him" like a product (doesn't this speak to her character?), and thirdly, not getting him help and seeking professional advice about what do with him. Perhaps he does need to be institutionalized--and that is what she should have determined and done so-and advocating for him getting the best help available if need be. Watching out for his interests, his care, and his progress as any other mother would.
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