At what age do you think a woman is "too old" to get pregnant? (babies, health)
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I am in my 33 age, but I haven't felt that I am ready (or my husband) for this parenthood-roles yet. I posted a thread yesterday about: Share experience if your parenting journey without any help from families
If any of you would like to share your experience with me, I am really appreciated it much.
My husband and I have been married for many years, the earlier years, I focused on my graduate studies and he focused on his work. Now, I just begin to build my career, and he trying to pay some of his debts, we try to accumulate our weath to set up a stable life for ourself in the coming years. I started to put one to two hundreds dollars aside to save for my future pregnancy costs and motherhood costs.
My husband and I don't have any relatives or families live near by in this country. Since the beginning of our marriage, we went through a lot of struggles on our own. None of our families gave us any supports but sometimes verbally expressing their discourage-opinion on our marriage union, and the choices that we made (further study, building career in the US ). I wish they choosed to give us blessings and encouragements to warm our heart with family supports/love. Anyway, we depend on our own to go through all our journeys here.
My big concern is how to prepare myself to be capable enough to be a mother without any help from families. Any experience sharing and advise is welcome.
Thanks.
Again,I think the point here is that it is different for everyone! I had my kids at 40,43 and 47-on my own,no medical intervention.At 51,I am in great health and anticipate being around for many,many years.In fact,I once read that if a woman is able to become pregnant on her own after the age of 40,she stands a good chance of living to be 100since her body is aging more slowly.I feel very fortunate that I was able to have my kids.If that had not been possible, I'm sure we would have adopted without a thought as to,gee,maybe,just possibly I won't be around in 30 years when my kids are 30? My mother died at 42 when I was 11 years old.There are never any guarantees in life.I also agree with a previous post about financial stability.I worked for almost 20 years when I had my first child,and continued part time until my 3rd was born.By then,with $ in the bank,my husband well established,I was able to stop working and stay home to focus on my children.I have had a great,full life,career,travel, and now I feel completely satisfied to enjoy my kids sports,school activities,and all that they are interested in.Along with running with my son,or playing soccer with my daughter,or riding bikes with our family.I have always said that I believe God did woman a great disservice by making their peak fertility years so young,and decline after 30.It should jusy start at 30!
I have had a great,full life,career,travel, and now I feel completely satisfied to enjoy my kids sports,school activities,and all that they are interested in.Along with running with my son,or playing soccer with my daughter,or riding bikes with our family.I have always said that I believe God did woman a great disservice by making their peak fertility years so young,and decline after 30.It should jusy start at 30!
Excellent points! That's how I feel at 41 - I've had a great career, traveled all over the US and into Asia & Europe and had a terrific singles life. Now I feel more than prepared to begin my new career as a SAHM/W - I welcome the change. To me, it's not a loss of freedom - it's a new adventure where I hope to share the lessons I've learned in life together with my husband and with my son & daughter and to learn from them as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I_wonder
...My husband and I don't have any relatives or families live near by in this country. Since the beginning of our marriage, we went through a lot of struggles on our own. None of our families gave us any supports but sometimes verbally expressing their discourage-opinion on our marriage union, and the choices that we made (further study, building career in the US ). I wish they choosed to give us blessings and encouragements to warm our heart with family supports/love. Anyway, we depend on our own to go through all our journeys here.
My big concern is how to prepare myself to be capable enough to be a mother without any help from families. Any experience sharing and advise is welcome.
Thanks.
I am sorry that your families have not been more supportive of your marriage. I knew that feeling for a very brief moment when my parents were absolutely against my marriage. In my mind, their reasons were ridiculous but now, I can see that a lot of their disapproval was out of concern, cultural differences and fear for my well-being. Still - it was hard.
I read your other thread and I think that in situations like this, you need to think of you & your husband AS your family and not linger on your relatives' lack of support. When you become parents, you are building your family and you really can't rely on anyone else - a lot of people raise their children without family help. The fact that neither of us has family close by did not stop us from trying to have children. My family lives clear across the country and they will not be moving near us when our twins arrive - they have their own life there. It will be difficult but it's just the way it is.
If you REALLY want to have children, I would not let not having family around stop or scare you. I know that in many cultures, raising children is done with the help of extended family but in the US, that's not necessarily so and people do it all the time.
Good luck to you!
Last edited by Sampaguita; 01-23-2008 at 09:47 AM..
For me, I don't want any more kids but if I did I wouldn't want to be pregnant after the age of 33 or so... but I don't know what age is "too old" for someone else.
The interesting thing to me is that a woman is born with all the eggs she is ever going to have. So even if a 50 year old woman is a triathlete she still has 50 year old eggs. The odds start stacking against us the older we get. The majority of children born with chromosomal abnormalities are born to women over the age of 35 - it's an ugly fact. Now, a woman can always have donated eggs from a younger donor... but, then that in itself carries other risks which I won't go into.
Personally, I think it is up to the woman to decide how old is "too old." If she feels that the risks are worth it and she's healthy... then good for her - have a kid at 50.
The majority of children born with chromosomal abnormalities are born to women over the age of 35 - it's an ugly fact.
It's true that older mother's do have a higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities, but it really can happen at any age. My mother had just turned 26 when she had my brother, who was born with a chromosomal abnormality called 18Q-.
It's true that older mother's do have a higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities, but it really can happen at any age. My mother had just turned 26 when she had my brother, who was born with a chromosomal abnormality called 18Q-.
Yes, it can happen at any age no doubt. But the fact of the matter is the likelihood sharply increases as we get older. No amount of optimism or exercise can change that fact - one can only hope for the best and expect the worst when we pass a certain point.
I know many who have been born when the mom was over 40 (my mom included) and for the most part everything was great. But I also knew someone that had a baby at 51. Unfortunately she then came down with Alzheimer's and is no longer lucid and is in final stages. The boy had to be taken in by older siblings at around 6 years old I believe. I think its great to think we will all be healthy for a long time but in actuality we don't know what is around the bend. Health problems can come fast whether we want to admit it or not.
Yikes, I just turned 30 last week. By your standards, I'm getting a bit over-the-hill to have more kids! I wasn't thrilled about turning 30 to begin with, now I really feel old!
On a serious note, I think the age you have children is a personal choice. I know plenty of young parents who have no business having kids, and plenty of older parents who are fantastic parents. And vice versa!
I am more inclined to agree with what you have said. Those who admit to being older than 35 and blessed enough to be full time stay at home moms with husbands who pay the bills are in a totally different league IMHO. If you were age 30 or older, a single parent or part of a couple where both parents had to juggle a full time job and the rest of the drama that occurs daily in the real world (baby sitters, daycare, etc.) in addition to raising a kid, you'd think twice about invitro fertilization (provided you could even afford it) and I guarantee you wouldn't have the energy to sing a song about how easy raising a child is at any age, and I doubt you'd want to past the age of 35. It takes double the energy and sacrifice to do both when you are not insulated from the challenges of the world of working class parents who don't have your options or luxuries.
Last edited by Preaching2thechoir; 01-23-2008 at 12:44 PM..
I had my last at 46. It was a SURPRISE !!! I thought I was having some menopausal symptom so went to my doctor. And WOW!!!! He is 21 yrs younger then my then youngest. My husband and I had celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary right before he was born.
We all dont know what we did without him.
I guess my opinions have been formed by my own child hood. My mom was 37 and my dad 35 when I was born in '71. She died at 39. My dad didn't do anything with us b/c he was working or drinking from the devestation of losing his wife. My dad never once came to a game that I cheered at during junior high or high school. He's changed now but I just got it in my head that it was b/c he was too old to have any more kids. I am the youngest of 4 and my oldest brother is 14 1/2 years older than me. So I guess in my mind 35 was too old then and it was too old for me. All the things I said are my personal opinion. I'm not asking anyone to agree with me. I just merely posted my thoughts on the subject. I'm happy for all of you who are older parents and enjoying your kids! That's AWESOME to hear! And for the record, I don't agree with really young people having kids either. You need to be a grown up to have children. You don't need to grow up together. Sorry if I offended anyone. It certainly wasn't my intention.
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