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That is WAY too old to begin having kids! Just today, I saw some parents of kids who appeared to be between 6-8 and the parents looked like their grandparents. I was done having children before age 30; I made that choice on purpose. I didn't want to be 50 attending a high school graduation or parenting tweens or teens, let alone having a newborn, toddler or elementary school-age child. Later for that!
That's fine, if that's your choice. Why do you think it should be a universal choice?
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
People may feel younger when they are older now, but our biology has not changed. We will die by 80, for the most part. That means people having children in their 50s may die when their children just reach adulthood and certainly before they ever see any grandkids.
Historical life expectancy at the beginning of the 20th century was 30-40 years, in 1960 - 67 years. That meant that people may have died when their children just reached adulthood and sometimes before they ever saw any grandkids.
First, congratulations, and second, you have not reached yet the 40-45 year old mark to know about older motherhood.
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
my husband and I look dramatically younger than the parents dropping off their kids at my children's school. They must be at least 15 years older than us, on average.
And?.. Does your youth make you better parents? Are they worse parents? Thanks for pointing that you are getting to be a minority.
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
If you are approaching menopause
what age do you think that may be, from the vantage point of your youth?
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
or need medical interventions to get pregnant (because you're just too old to get knocked up naturally), then you need to stop!
I somewhat agree with the medical intervention.
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
Men, too. If you're beyond your early 40s, hang it up, for sure.
So.... who is going to tell this to Brad Pitt?
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
BTW, I will be 47 when my youngest is done with high school.
Yes.... but life doesn't stop at 47, nor kids disappear, right? Unfortunately, people can't just sail on a deserted island after the kids are through with high school. Small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems.
If you look at it from the other side of life, when you are 70 you will have a middle-aged child... when you are 80, you will have a senior citizen child. My kids will still be sprightly when I'm 70 and 80
I think that the woman's own body tells her when it's time to call it quits, if she still ovulates and can carry the baby, then fine but if it takes a lot of medical intervention, she should accept it's too late.
People age at different rates. Some people at age 50 are counting the days to their retirement, others are in college learning a new career. Also many younger mothers aren't able to cope and end up passing their children over to the grandparents to raise so what real difference if a couple over age 50 is raising their own child or their grandchild..
That's fine, if that's your choice. Why do you think it should be a universal choice?
Historical life expectancy at the beginning of the 20th century was 30-40 years, in 1960 - 67 years. That meant that people may have died when their children just reached adulthood and sometimes before they ever saw any grandkids.
First, congratulations, and second, you have not reached yet the 40-45 year old mark to know about older motherhood.
And?.. Does your youth make you better parents? Are they worse parents? Thanks for pointing that you are getting to be a minority.
what age do you think that may be, from the vantage point of your youth?
I somewhat agree with the medical intervention.
So.... who is going to tell this to Brad Pitt?
Yes.... but life doesn't stop at 47, nor kids disappear, right? Unfortunately, people can't just sail on a deserted island after the kids are through with high school. Small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems.
If you look at it from the other side of life, when you are 70 you will have a middle-aged child... when you are 80, you will have a senior citizen child. My kids will still be sprightly when I'm 70 and 80
Nice straw man argument. Not much to respond to here! If raising kids while dealing with what you're likely to encounter while aging rocks your boat, well, prepare to swim! Your teenagers will be so proud to have a septegenarian parent.
Nice straw man argument. Not much to respond to here! If raising kids while dealing with what you're likely to encounter while aging rocks your boat, well, prepare to swim! Your teenagers will be so proud to have a septegenarian parent.
What is the "straw man argument", is a fairy tale attitude about "living happily ever after 47", when your kids finish high school. Please ask any 47-50 year old with grown children, how serene their life is.
Please tell me what would you choose at 60 (when you still don't feel that old):
- be sandwiched between your aging 80yo parents with possible health problems, and your adult 30-40 year old children, with their relationship problems, job problems, unemployment, mortgages, marital problems (read: financial and emotional drain).
- or just out of the tooth fairy problems, and into the first dating/grades problems, - with your parents already gone, because they were smart to have you later in life and bow out gracefully.
Would you wish, at 80, burden your own 60yo children and their adult children?
PS: since you didn't answer, I'll tell you that menopause age spectrum spans 30-40 years, from late 20s to late 60s. Yes, some women still bleed in their 60s. So your blanket statement about "if a woman is close to menopause, she should stop bearing children", may be applied to anyone from 28 to 65.
PPS: My 20yo will be as proud to have a septegenatian parent as your 30yo will be proud to have their septegenarian parent. Doesn't sound like much of a difference, does it?
What is the "straw man argument", is a fairy tale attitude about "living happily ever after 47", when your kids finish high school. Please ask any 47-50 year old with grown children, how serene their life is.
Please tell me what would you choose at 60 (when you still don't feel that old):
- be sandwiched between your aging 80yo parents with possible health problems, and your adult 30-40 year old children, with their relationship problems, job problems, unemployment, mortgages, marital problems (read: financial and emotional drain).
- or just out of the tooth fairy problems, and into the first dating/grades problems, - with your parents already gone, because they were smart to have you later in life and bow out gracefully.
Would you wish, at 80, burden your own 60yo children and their adult children?
PS: since you didn't answer, I'll tell you that menopause age spectrum spans 30-40 years, from late 20s to late 60s. Yes, some women still bleed in their 60s. So your blanket statement about "if a woman is close to menopause, she should stop bearing children", may be applied to anyone from 28 to 65.
PPS: My 20yo will be as proud to have a septegenatian parent as your 30yo will be proud to have their septegenarian parent. Doesn't sound like much of a difference, does it?
Yes, but when does menopause typically strike? Just now reaching the 60-year point, my parents are able to relate to their adult children from a positive vantage point (we have none of the issues you enumerated) and enjoy their grandchildren. When they grow older - and if they have health problems - the odds are high that their children AND grandchildren (not just my kids) will be able to pitch in, if need be. And they had their kids, too, when they were in their mid-late 20s.
And, btw, I'll barely be in my 50s when my oldest is approaching 30.
Just now reaching the 60-year point, my parents are able to relate to their adult children from a positive vantage point (we have none of the issues you enumerated) and enjoy their grandchildren. When they grow older - and if they have health problems - the odds are high that their children AND grandchildren (not just my kids) will be able to pitch in, if need be. And they had their kids, too, when they were in their mid-late 20s.
IF - if - everything goes according to the plan. If you manage to live through to your 90s without any of the problems that people may encounter - from disease to divorce to alienation to drug addiction - then that's a good plan. I, personally, am for bowing out before my kids and grandkids turn senior citizens, let them enjoy their life. And, there are too many women starting their second families in their 40s-50s... You just never know - something that jacq63 and I were trying to get across.
But, all the power to you, in your good plan! Not everyone follows that plan, though, so critiquing others for "too late" is unnecessary.
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
And, btw, I'll barely be in my 50s when my oldest is approaching 30.
But your youngest will be 30 when you turn 60, so you bashing someone who's kid is 20 when they are 60 is almost like shooting your own foot.
For the fun of it, here are three websites for older moms (for your education):
IF - if - everything goes according to the plan. If you manage to live through to your 90s without any of the problems that people may encounter - from disease to divorce to alienation to drug addiction - then that's a good plan. I, personally, am for bowing out before my kids and grandkids turn senior citizens, let them enjoy their life. And, there are too many women starting their second families in their 40s-50s... You just never know - something that jacq63 and I were trying to get across.
But, all the power to you, in your good plan! Not everyone follows that plan, though, so critiquing others for "too late" is unnecessary.
But your youngest will be 30 when you turn 60, so you bashing someone who's kid is 20 when they are 60 is almost like shooting your own foot.
For the fun of it, here are three websites for older moms (for your education):
Support Forum (http://pregnancyafter50.com/forum.aspx - broken link)
Actually, if someone begins having kids at 50 (which is posited by this threa's subject title), they'll be 80, not 60, when that child is 30. To me, there is a world of difference between 60 and 80. That is a generational gap of two, not one, generations. Just because someone wants kids when they're almost senior citizens doesn't mean it's in the best interests of the child.
No, you never what may happen. But people need to seriously look at re-tooling their lives accordingly, and that could very well mean not having children because they're just too damned old.
Actually, if someone begins having kids at 50 (which is posited by this threa's subject title), they'll be 80, not 60, when that child is 30. To me, there is a world of difference between 60 and 80. That is a generational gap of two, not one, generations. Just because someone wants kids when they're almost senior citizens doesn't mean it's in the best interests of the child.
My kids will be 20 when I'm 60. Your kid will be 30 when you are 60.
Someone who gave birth at 50 will have a 10 year old at 60. To me, it seems OK because a) they will most likely have 20-30 more years together, and b) the parent will pass away EXACTLY at the time the parents passed away in older times, not sticking around for 30-40 more years.
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Originally Posted by hautemomma
No, you never what may happen. But people need to seriously look at re-tooling their lives accordingly, and that could very well mean not having children because they're just too damned old.
Are your parents too damned old now at 60?
If something happened to you, would they be bringing up your children, or would your children be given to someone younger?
There is an element of youth coloring your judgement, so I will refrain from this pointless conversation. Those women on those forums I posted, still go on about their life, having babies in their late 30s, 40s and 50s - regardless of your opinion, right ?.
Actually, if someone begins having kids at 50 (which is posited by this threa's subject title), they'll be 80, not 60, when that child is 30. To me, there is a world of difference between 60 and 80. That is a generational gap of two, not one, generations. Just because someone wants kids when they're almost senior citizens doesn't mean it's in the best interests of the child.
No, you never what may happen. But people need to seriously look at re-tooling their lives accordingly, and that could very well mean not having children because they're just too damned old.
But the woman who just cut off her baby's head and was found eating it was in the so-called "perfect" age range. The woman who drowned her 5 small kids was too.
I would suspect most child abuse and neglect is actually from younger mothers than from older mothers (or younger fathers than older fathers). I knew of an 80 year old woman who was raising her teenaged grandchildren but not very successfully because their younger mother (partying and drug using) had already screwed them up and then abandoned them to run off with some guy to California.
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