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If you're a family member of a "rescuer".... who's actions are putting her own well-being at risk.... what can one do to intervene? Other than the discussions/talks that aren't heeded and haven't been heeded for years.
The only things I can think of that we haven't tried, is supplying her with books that could possibly help, or trying to find a minister/social worker/police officer (authority figure) to tell her straight out that she's not making good choices.
Counseling/therapy would be a gift from God, but the chances of getting her into any kind of counseling relationship or family therapy (+ the obstacles of paying for it) are pretty poor.
If you know of some book titles, please share.
Family is supportive, but we're not close enough in distance to be as involved as we would like.
Obviously people are attracted to mentalcases. Hitler, Stalin, the Tea Party etc. People like interesting different people, especially weak willed somewhat simple people.
Also if you are always concentrating on fixing someone else...then you don't have to face fixing yourself by addressing your own issues. The other person becomes a big distraction. When you're with someone stable you have time to focus on yourself. Also if you have low self esteem you may not feel that you deserve someone better than that person...but you do! I spent 10 years with a toxic person and spent so much time focusing on him that I didn't grow as a person. Then I met my husband and I've grown because he's so stable that I am not in crisis mode all the time.
It's not the toxic person that is the magnet...it is you...you are sending the signals that let a toxic person know that you accept that behavior. When you stop accepting it, you will see these people coming from a mile away and run in the opposite direction.
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For some reason, I seem to be drawn to men who are either depressed, suicidal or have suffered a loss. Their helplessness, tears and/or pain pulls me in, and I find myself wanting to rescue them. I've even fallen more in love during a crisis. It's baffling.
Apparently, I'm a magnet... for perverts. (I'm emotionally unstable and I suffer from paranoia)
For some reason, I seem to be drawn to men who are either depressed, suicidal or have suffered a loss. Their helplessness, tears and/or pain pulls me in, and I find myself wanting to rescue them. I've even fallen more in love during a crisis. It's baffling.
Its codependency, they think they have superpowers.
Thanks for the great advice. I'm an Aries, BTW. But I'm on the cusp of Pisces and have more of those characteristics (romantic, dreamer). LargeKingCat, I'm getting that book [Toxic Men] tomorrow
If you're a family member of a "rescuer".... who's actions are putting her own well-being at risk.... what can one do to intervene? Other than the discussions/talks that aren't heeded and haven't been heeded for years.
The only things I can think of that we haven't tried, is supplying her with books that could possibly help, or trying to find a minister/social worker/police officer (authority figure) to tell her straight out that she's not making good choices.
Counseling/therapy would be a gift from God, but the chances of getting her into any kind of counseling relationship or family therapy (+ the obstacles of paying for it) are pretty poor.
If you know of some book titles, please share.
Family is supportive, but we're not close enough in distance to be as involved as we would like.
Co-dependent No More by Melodie Beattie
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...btdt!
