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If someone close to me loses their temper especially with out a valid reason....and react illogically...I feel hurt- I can deal with angry people if I have truly offended them and their reaction is justified...but if it is some bizarre rage....I feel like a victim...can't help it.
If there's anything I'm probably in the top 1% of, it's definitely my tolerance for others yelling or being angry towards me.
For those who can relate:
What are the biggest drawbacks you've encountered when dealing with others?
What sort of situations do you find your extreme tolerance for anger to be especially beneficial?
1. Being taken advantage of.
2. Angry customers calling
If someone close to me loses their temper especially with out a valid reason....and react illogically...I feel hurt- I can deal with angry people if I have truly offended them and their reaction is justified...but if it is some bizarre rage....I feel like a victim...can't help it.
I used to be that way but nowadays, what used to require persistent yelling and screaming to get a reaction out of me will now require physical violence to get the same reaction.
Well over 99% of people's "barks" are worse than their "bites" (especially true when online and anonymous) and I take full advantage of that.
There was a time when I only knew two emotions, I was either okay or I was mad and everybody with any sense stayed out of my way. I said how I felt I did not consider who may be hurt by my anger.
Thank goodness that I have some years of experience, wisdom now. I have discovered that I get much more accomplished when I am nice. And I don't allow people to make me angry these days. I know that anger is a secondary emotion. Some other emotion happens first to cause the anger, I identify and process that emotion and the anger never comes.
Being more in control of myself, I am in better control of my situations and the outcome of them.
I use to work for a tow yard who did police impounds, when I would relieve the receptionist, I had to deal with people screaming, "You took my $#$% car!!, You $%^&&& @#$$##!!" I would be polite and gather the vehicle info then tell them "The XXXX police department impounded your car because what ever reason"
Caller still yelling and screaming, you learn not to let it get to you, tell them you want to help them get their car back, but they have to stop yelling and listen..
I used to have a quick hair trigger temper myself coming from a family background of high blood pressure and hypertension. Back in the day it used to to feel like my surroundings would combust from the sheer essence of my anger, carrie style. Nowadays, people tell me that they have no idea what it would take to get me upset, as they've seen people push my buttons in all sorts of ways. Now when people are angry or trying to push my buttons, my first instinct is to calmly figure out why they're acting that way and depending on the person and situation, ignore or try to reason with them (in the best case scenario) or project guilt onto to them or some other mental trick. Certain realizations in my life changed my temperament as far as dealing with anger.
I used to become horribly irritated, and I'd get angry. Or I'd be tired and irritable, and that would lead to anger. I still have my moments, but over time I've gotten better. I used to work with the public every day on my job, and only a couple of times, I almost lost it. I had to learn to disengage in order to see what the problem was with that particular person who was complaining or even yelling. (Usually complaining about something I could do nothing about.)
Man, it has been a process for me. Like CArizona, I have learned not to take everything personally. I also have learned to reserve judgement. I don't jump to so many conclusions. But it has been a long, long haul. But my family is happier when I am not angry most of the time. So I work on not being angry.
My Dad had periodic "rage-attacks" when I was growing-up...Most of the time he was fine and sane and rational. But every so often he'd "erupt" like a "volcano." And turn into a big "bully."...I can't say that I enjoy being around "hot headed people" who go on rampages. (Who does?) But my early years with my Dad made my skin a little "tougher" I guess...It's not easy to scare or intimidate me. When I'm around people who "lose it" and go on "mean streaks" I know they're not okay "inside" at the time...My Dad thought he'd "feel better" by "ripping" me and my Mom (and other people) to "shreds" during his "rage-attacks." And I'm sure he had a little temporary relief...But "bullies" never really have "peace of mind." And this is sad...Anyway I don't take someone's tirades and rants and raves at "face value." (Due to growing-up with my Dad.)
How was your relationship with your dad after you moved out of the house? Also, did he recognize that he had these"problems" and apologized for them later on?
I find that at this point in my life, my tolerance for anger is very low. I have so many other issues that if someone decides to go on a tirade at me, I just walk away and leave him to his issues. I'm a big enough mess by myself. I don't have the energy to deal with it.
While it is true that some people can't be reasoned with, I have found myself surprisingly effective in calming down an angry person. (Even though I'm currently a hot head myself)
This is me. I don't have a problem with apologizing for an error or explaining why there is a delay or other issue. However, my observation is that some people are impossible to satisfy and want to continue to escalate a bad situation. They literally want someone to prostrate themselves and that I will not do that because crap happens when you work with human beings. So, I apologize and try to make it right ONE time and if the person doesn't accept the apology or corrective action and continues to B and moan I will quickly disengage and mentally (sometimes physically) remove myself from their situation...miserable people need to be left to stew in their own misery. People have issues that have nothing to do with you and want a whipping boy. So they go to the store...the hospital...the Taco Bell etc and want to flip on folks for a minor error or lapse in customer service because someone at home or something else pi$$ed them off? Please.
This is why there have been situations where some service workers have been attacked and have attacked back and the response from the public has been kudos rather than blame. There are people out there who lack basic manners and home training who feel that the $2 they spent to get on the bus or for their nuggets and dollar fries entitles them to act like a complete a@@ if they don't get what they want.
I'm a nurse and have had non-senile...non-intoxicated people become very verbally abusive (never been hit) to me and think it's O.K because they are "sick." I've had some threaten to hit me and my response to them has been: I don't recommend that because I might black out and then I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. I've also had more than one person try to play me and say I have psych issues...I tell them me to and don't assume that just because I work here that I'm not on meds to!
I have an ambivalent relationship with anger. My father had a lot of vague floating annoyance and anger in him and as a child I avoided him and filed him under "dangerous to be around". When I grew up and he got old, though, particularly after he retired, a softer side of him leaked out and I was able to have compassion for him. The truth is he was very emotionally sensitive and grew up in a world that didn't give him permission to be himself. In his final years he took to writing letters and sending cards regularly to everyone he knew, and people came to look forward to those communications, and loved him for it. It allowed them to know him in ways he would never have been comfortable expressing face to face.
This has allowed me to have compassion on myself. Predictably, I tend to be annoyed and frustrated with the obstacles life constantly throws at me. I need more personal space than the world is generally willing to give me without also denying me meaningful companionship. People are complex and inscrutable and unstable and unreliable to me.
At least I am self-aware about it and can work on it, but I don't like anger or being around anger and especially don't like having it directed at me, as it seems to be deliberate disregard for the fact that I'm doing my darnedest to live well and be good to and for people. The amount of rage in the world is distressing and sad to me. The amount of it in ME is distressing and sad.
Empathic personalities like myself have to train ourselves not to take all that upon ourselves and not to put our own unhappiness on the world around us. It helps me to recognize that just as I don't want to hear everyone else's whining, they don't want to hear mine. I try to be the change I want to see in the world. It kinda-sorta works.
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