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If there's anything I'm probably in the top 1% of, it's definitely my tolerance for others yelling or being angry towards me.
For those who can relate:
What are the biggest drawbacks you've encountered when dealing with others?
What sort of situations do you find your extreme tolerance for anger to be especially beneficial?
My Dad had periodic "rage-attacks" when I was growing-up...Most of the time he was fine and sane and rational. But every so often he'd "erupt" like a "volcano." And turn into a big "bully."...I can't say that I enjoy being around "hot headed people" who go on rampages. (Who does?) But my early years with my Dad made my skin a little "tougher" I guess...It's not easy to scare or intimidate me. When I'm around people who "lose it" and go on "mean streaks" I know they're not okay "inside" at the time...My Dad thought he'd "feel better" by "ripping" me and my Mom (and other people) to "shreds" during his "rage-attacks." And I'm sure he had a little temporary relief...But "bullies" never really have "peace of mind." And this is sad...Anyway I don't take someone's tirades and rants and raves at "face value." (Due to growing-up with my Dad.)
I studied psychology when in college and I've had jobs working with the public most of my life. And I would not have kept my jobs long if I got angry back at people!
Anyway I understand why people are angry. I try to diffuse the situation. There are things you can say to an angry person which will make them *more* angry. And there are things you can say which will calm them down. I prefer to calm them down.
And in business customers get angry. Many times they have good reason to be upset. If you can calm them down, solve their problem, and leave them with a smile on their face, you will keep that customer. That is GOOD for business! And it makes me feel good as well that I solved a problem for someone.
Note that I have always worked for employers who gave me the authority to go out of my way to keep customers happy - whatever that may entail. So I could adjust their charges if needed or do something for no charge. These days that is a thing of the past with many large corporation businesses.
So far as "drawbacks" from other people being angry... Again I try to understand WHY they are angry, then work on resolving the issue. So I don't see any drawbacks... If I made them more mad, then I suppose there could be all sorts of drawbacks!
And for "extreme tolerance", I learned how tolerant I was when I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes and she chewed up the steering wheel, the sun visor, and the stick shift handle! I was still able to control myself. I calmed down when I found it quite easy and inexpensive to replace the steering wheel (wrecking yard and a "steering wheel puller tool" did not cost very much). The other parts were easy to replace.
My general disposition is that of observing. When there are "confrontations" (usually involving 3 or more people) I tend to distance myself and take a step back from the situation and think, "Wow, something is really going on inside this person's head." Most times when people are angry they aren't at me, just at a situation. And if I did do something wrong I'd be the first to admit it and try to diffuse whatever anger is there. However these situations are very very rare for me.
...But as I get older I find myself being less tolerant with insolent behavior. My time is becoming more and more valuable, with things like raising a family and with things that I've put off. So my time is precious and if you want to talk to me, don't be an animal.
Plus the question is so broad that, like the above poster said, there are bullies (which really isn't anger), and passive-aggressive types, and a whole slew of other types, especially in the work place. And there are different tactics for each.
So really I don't think there's ever been a time where someone has "gotten in my face." Just your typical workplace bullies. And those are easy enough for me to deal with.
Bullies get away with being bullies because no one confronts them. I've learned that if they've gotten this far in life acting like a bully then no one has ever told them no. You'd be surprised what happens when you do. Everytime I've confronted a bully by saying no, their whole demeanor changes, as they are taken off guard. Dealing with them (again, especially in the workplace) makes your job a lot easier.
That's why (on an off topic note) that I'm not really for "anti-bullying." Sure bullies shouldn't be bullies (but tell that to the kid whose alcoholic dad beats him every night), but people have to learn to defend themselves through any mechanism they can: humor, bartering, fighting, whatever, in the meantime.
In the end it doesn't really answer the question, but I try to treat everyone with the same level of respect, and I have a bit of tolerance for certain types of behavior, but you also have to have a backbone behind that tolerance. If you cross a certain line you could get a sarcastic joke, or a punch in the face.
And for "extreme tolerance", I learned how tolerant I was when I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes and she chewed up the steering wheel, the sun visor, and the stick shift handle! I was still able to control myself. I calmed down when I found it quite easy and inexpensive to replace the steering wheel (wrecking yard and a "steering wheel puller tool" did not cost very much). The other parts were easy to replace.
I tend to have the same calmness and almost an inability to get particularly angry except maybe in rare instances. It's probably been many years when I've directly expressed anger and hostility towards anyone for any reason. On the other hand, I also seem to have a natural tendency to tune out others' anger expressed directly at me.. not exactly ignoring them but still being able to respond in a calm and objective manner to harsh attacks.
There is also a point to be made, about it depending on who you are, as to how much anger will be shown towards you.
An example of this, was, for me, yesterday. I was driving through a car park, I stopped, and started to reverse into a space, this bloke driving behind me, nearly hits the back of my car. There he is shouting and swearing from inside his car, (so my wife tells me, she was looking through the back window at him). Well, he gets one glimpse of me, and goes silent, and then creeps past me, not daring to look in my direction.
Also, there is another point, of what the motive is for the anger, and the desired outcome. Some may want to pretend to be the victim, when they have in fact been the aggressor. Much used by those suffering delusions, of one sort or another.
I find that at this point in my life, my tolerance for anger is very low. I have so many other issues that if someone decides to go on a tirade at me, I just walk away and leave him to his issues. I'm a big enough mess by myself. I don't have the energy to deal with it.
While it is true that some people can't be reasoned with, I have found myself surprisingly effective in calming down an angry person. (Even though I'm currently a hot head myself)
BECLAZONE...Good you didn't get hit! Good that the other driver got a grip on his emotions...I agree with you. Some people go on the "warpath" and become extremely vengeful. Yet they probably consider themselves "pure" and "holy" and "saintly" and "just fine!"...They don't seem to question their behavior or their motives. As you mentioned in your post they consider themselves the "victim" or a "martyr" or even God!..And they vow to "get even!" It can become an obsession...Kind of like the Glenn Close character in the movie "Fatal Attraction." She felt "wronged" so she took revenge. In her mind she was the "victim" and this gave her "license" to do whatever she needed to do to "right" the "wrongs."...Maybe she felt like she let men (and other people in her life) "get away" with too much in the past. And this was a "last straw" kind of situation for her. The Michael Douglas character in the movie "took the heat" for everyone who had "screwed her" in the past. (And then some!)...I think we can learn a lot by our reactions to situations. Don't you?...I try not to make everything "life or death" or "do or die." If my reaction to a relatively minor situation seems "extreme" I know that I have a lot more going on inside of me than "meets the eye." How about you?
I don't take every little thing personally! I don't want to be this way...So I did "well" when I worked in customer service jobs too...One time I worked in a restaurant where a lot of employees took things personally. (Even the owner!) ...If someone placed a "custom" (or "picky") order the owner had a "fit" and took it personally. (Like substituting "Egg Beaters" for regular eggs. Or asking for sliced tomatoes instead of potatoes etc.)..He'd even leave the kitchen and come out into the dining room because he wanted to put a "face" on the customer he considered "picky!"...I had to stop working on Sundays because the owner had "temper tantrums" and threw pots and pans around the kitchen and literally "stopped production" when the restaurant got packed with church-goers...Quite a few of the church-goers who came in asked for special requests. And this never set well with the owner.
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