I can't seem to stop thinking of my own death. (passive, emotion)
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I am almost the same way. I fear death, especially since I don't believe in God anymore. The more I think about it the more I believe there is nothing after death. That scares the heck out of me.
I basically just don't allow myself to think about it so much, because then I get anxiety. Then I remember the feeling that I had when we lived in 1 house...which we thought was haunted. If it was haunted, then there must be life after death, right?
Yes the idea is terrifying- the reason you can't stop thinking of it is because you are as a normal human being - being a realist and preparing for it- Getting older helps....I believe in God...and even if God's plan turns out to be oblivion...then you are "literally scared of nothing" - Whether religious or not - spiritual or not....All we ALL ask for is not to be submerged in terror that last moment...and who knows how powerful belief can be- believing in a conscious life after this one might generate another-------------I as someone who really loves Christian concepts am not bribed by some reward after death - I just expect a little mercy...bring me into a new living realm or let me fall into the darkness - just don't frighten me- cos I am a coward.
I'm a nurse. I've seen a LOT of death. Trust me...there are things far, far worse. From the moment we are born, death is a certainty. We ALL get a turn on the ride, and there's no avoiding it. We can worry ourselves sick over it, with the requisite hand-wringing and anxiety, or we can try to accept it while living the life we do have to the best of our ability.
Live your lives, enjoy yourselves, and when death comes, it comes. It may be quick or slow, gruesome or painless, but it's come for billions before you and no amount of worrying will change a damn thing.
MY own death or aging (for now) doesn't scare me as much but my biggest fear is seeing people dying in a sudden way. If it happened to me I wouldn't mind, I would rather have a fast death even if it meant dying younger
But I am so afraid of seeing people suddently die that it takes over my judgment. I had a similar situation like yours (hearing a head on collision, it honestly sounded like a bomb) but after seeing the reaction of others(other drivers were crying, they looked like nothing could be done) I just turned around and left. I didn't want to the bodies because I knew it would impact me greatly. It still impacted me though like for 3 months, the thought that 2 people died in a split second was hard to grasp.
Recently I was at a pharmacy and again I heard a loud sound coming from one of the isles. A girl (she was with a male friend) had falling and we asked the pharmacy for help. Then I heard from the employees what it sounded like she was unconscious and I didn't check anymore. I really didn't want to see anybody die and rescue was already on their way. I know it's wrong to act that way but I feel just can't take it and my own fear takes over.
I know what you mean about the sound. We were sitting around outside at work, waiting for the tour buses to come in and that sound of those two cars colliding and the subsequent flips they did down the road was one of the worst sounds I've ever heard. There really is no way to describe it.
In a way, I agree with you about witnessing others dying. We witnessed her die. We saw her die. I had run down to the SUV and all my co-workers went to the car. Once some other people were taking care of the SUV folks, I ran back to the car with the girls in it. By that time, someone had pulled the one girl out of the car and they were trying to do CPR...which was pointless.
I got a glove and started scooping blood and God knows what the hell that stuff was, out of her mouth. She was doing those death gasps...whatever that is called, I always forget. But we didn't want to admit it to ourselves so we kept trying to keep her alive...which...she wasn't, really.
I will never, ever forget that face. Ever. That face haunts me to this day. I even looked her up online once I found out who she was. It took me some time to do it but I eventually did. Unfortunately, the image of her alive face does not stick with me, it's her dying/dead face that comes in to my mind, constantly.
I'm not sorry I tried to help her and I am not one who could walk away. What is weird is that during the whole thing, I was actually relatively calm. It wasn't until I went home that day that it hit me pretty hard and in to the next day and the day after that. At work, after the medics, police and coroner got there, most of us at work sat around in a state of disbelief. WTH just happened! Like I said way back, it was such a stupid accident and this girl was an innocent passenger. It was as I said, one second, LITERALLY getting ready for a fun day at our place, (where I used to work), and the next second, and I mean literally, she's slammed in to, full force, by an SUV going highway speed. (It was a highway.)
You're from Miami, you would know about Tamiami Trail. Out there is where it happened.
Even though I would not walk away from it, I wish I had never seen it. It's been two years and it still jacks with my mind.
If you were born from 1980+ You will be expected to live into the 120+. The people that are dying right now had less medicine and less technology so there lives are not as long. With todays technology you will live a very long life.
Maybe as we get older we become less selfish, maybe not.. but now when I think of death I think first of my grandchildren who are with me a lot. and how they might feel, more than me leaving this earth..
I had a near-death experience a little over a year ago and I have had problems with the idea of death ever since. I do find the idea of what dying feels like, suffering, and where I will go scary, but I am more afraid of leaving my loved ones behind, how it would affect them, and not letting them know I appreciated them enough. On top of that, dealing with family and friends in severe accidents between now and then took a toll on me as well. I don't know how to explain how I deal with it, but I manage to.
I think what bothers me most about death is that I will feel as if I missed things. I didn't get to experience a good marriage/relationship, and I didn't get to get out of debt and have a little money to travel or enjoy life. I had to spend way more time than I intended working and commuting. I still hold out a little hope for the latter. IF I can ever find a way to knock down some debt before I'm too decrepit to take a trip somewhere if I ever get to retire, I'd like to do that.
Other than that, I know my daughter will be very sad when I die, and that makes me sad to think of that.
I have thought about death every day since I was around 6, when a cousin my own age died. I thought I would die at any moment, too. Oddly, I stopped fearing it so much when it came close. This sounds bizarre, but when I was in the vicinity of mass death, the impression I had was that some sort of door cracked open and a bunch of souls went through it and I did not. There's still a crack there, though, and I have one foot on the other side, and I know that door will open again one day for me. It's much less scary now, though, than it was before.
I know what you mean about the sound. We were sitting around outside at work, waiting for the tour buses to come in and that sound of those two cars colliding and the subsequent flips they did down the road was one of the worst sounds I've ever heard. There really is no way to describe it.
In a way, I agree with you about witnessing others dying. We witnessed her die. We saw her die. I had run down to the SUV and all my co-workers went to the car. Once some other people were taking care of the SUV folks, I ran back to the car with the girls in it. By that time, someone had pulled the one girl out of the car and they were trying to do CPR...which was pointless.
I got a glove and started scooping blood and God knows what the hell that stuff was, out of her mouth. She was doing those death gasps...whatever that is called, I always forget. But we didn't want to admit it to ourselves so we kept trying to keep her alive...which...she wasn't, really.
I will never, ever forget that face. Ever. That face haunts me to this day. I even looked her up online once I found out who she was. It took me some time to do it but I eventually did. Unfortunately, the image of her alive face does not stick with me, it's her dying/dead face that comes in to my mind, constantly.
I'm not sorry I tried to help her and I am not one who could walk away. What is weird is that during the whole thing, I was actually relatively calm. It wasn't until I went home that day that it hit me pretty hard and in to the next day and the day after that. At work, after the medics, police and coroner got there, most of us at work sat around in a state of disbelief. WTH just happened! Like I said way back, it was such a stupid accident and this girl was an innocent passenger. It was as I said, one second, LITERALLY getting ready for a fun day at our place, (where I used to work), and the next second, and I mean literally, she's slammed in to, full force, by an SUV going highway speed. (It was a highway.)
You're from Miami, you would know about Tamiami Trail. Out there is where it happened.
Even though I would not walk away from it, I wish I had never seen it. It's been two years and it still jacks with my mind.
The worst time as far as thinking of death for me was when I was little and stayed with friends who were Protestant and they would say "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake....." that terrified me more than any horror movie and I'd lay awake trying hard not to let the Sandman get me.
I don't like to think about death at all -- I am postponing all of that, I don't have a will but I know I should have one. I think when I'm over 80 or 90, I'll start thinking about it though. Maybe when I'm over 100.
I had to say that prayer at bedtime as a kid! When I was an adult, I told my mother how awful I thought that prayer was. She said, "It's an old-time prayer that children said because there was a time when there was polio and diphtheria and scarlet fever and every child knew what it was like to a lose a sibling or a classmate or a friend. The prayer was a comfort." That made sense.
It was creepy to me in the 1960s, though, especially because I DID lose a friend/cousin at the age of 6, and I knew she was sick but I didn't know what leukemia was or that you could die from it.
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