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Oh yes, absolutely. I've experienced several traumatic incidents. Raped at 20 and I was still a virgin at that point.
1. It left me feeling disgusting and like trash. To this day I still place most of the blame on myself.
The police were never notified because I was too embarrassed and ashamed; I didn't think anyone would believe me anyway. A few months after it happened, I saw the guy walking downtown. Had a panic attack so bad I nearly drove over the bridge.
2. It's still hard to trust men, but I try. Really, I do. But when I begin to trust, something happens that shatters it to pieces. Memories of it come back all the time. I can still smell him. His voice. All of it.
3. I'm honestly shocked I haven't committed suicide.
1. You really shouldn't blame yourself for getting raped. Seriously.
2. Serious question, but have you ever considered dating a woman instead?
3. I'm extremely sorry for what you endured, but please don't commit suicide. Life is too precious to do this. Seriously.
1. You really shouldn't blame yourself for getting raped. Seriously.
2. Serious question, but have you ever considered dating a woman instead?
3. I'm extremely sorry for what you endured, but please don't commit suicide. Life is too precious to do this. Seriously.
Thank you for your kind words. It's so hard not to blame myself though. I put myself in that situation and should have known better. Haven't really thought about dating a woman. Nothing against it, just haven't really been attracted to women like that. All I know for sure is I have no luck with men. I have been used and abandoned so many times. I won't commit suicide. Something in me is thankfully keeping me from doing that. It's just, often I think about my past and wonder how in the hell I have come this far and still be alive.
Being awakened in the AM with every phone in the house going off, and someone knocking/pounding/ringing the front door. I stumbled to the door, to find a cop and 2 social workers responding to a call that my children were being abused and wanting to take them away. They were ~7 & 8 years old at the time. It was all due to a false/malacious call from a "friend". We went through sheer hell keeping our kids out of the clutches of the system. To this day, I shake whenever someone rings the bell or knocks on the door!
The "friend" admitted to what she did, and said she "was just trying to help." Help with what? Even though the charge was thoroughly ruled out, we went through hell, most of our life savings for legal fees, 2 heart attacks......and no, there's absolutely no penalty for making such false allegations....even though it all but destroyed us as a family.
Like I said, to this day---about 8 years later---I still have a panic attack whenever someone knocks at the door
2. It's so hard not to blame myself though. I put myself in that situation and should have known better.
3. Haven't really thought about dating a woman. Nothing against it, just haven't really been attracted to women like that.
4. All I know for sure is I have no luck with men. I have been used and abandoned so many times.
5. I won't commit suicide. Something in me is thankfully keeping me from doing that.
6. It's just, often I think about my past and wonder how in the hell I have come this far and still be alive.
1. You're welcome! No problem!
2. You are only responsible for putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. Whatever someone else does to you against your will after that is not your fault, considering that it was not your (final) decision. Honestly, I think that you blaming yourself for getting raped is victim-blaming and as unnecessary and pointless as someone blaming a Holocaust survivor for ending up in a concentration camp since he or she refused to listen to advice telling them to flee beforehand.
3. Are you sure? Did you ever try it? After all, I've read that females' sexuality might very well be more fluid than males' sexuality. Normally, I don't make funny statements in response to posts such as yours, but this statement might very well be accurate for some people: "So, you think you're straight? That's what they also say about spaghetti before it has a hot experience!"
4. In that case, maybe you have been dating the wrong kind of men and/or men are simply not your type (and you don't know it yet).
5. Maybe it's because you love life and all of its various plasures and joys a huge amount?
6. You're alive--that in itself is something to be extremely grateful for. As for your past, in my honest opinion, you should learn a lot of lessons from it, get a hold on yourself (at least somewhat), make sure that you will fully/completely learn from your past form now on (if you have not done so already), and fully embrace the future. Again, I am extremely sorry for everything that happened to you. Thankfully, I have never been raped, so I might not be able to fully comprehend what you went through. However, I do know that some individuals might have very well undergone worse things (such as surviving the Holocaust, et cetera) and yet still managed to remain alive and to have happy, long, joyful, and productive lives.
Also, if you think that you might be depressed and/or et cetera, then you might very well need to see a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist/et cetera.
I seriously hope that everything which I wrote here helps you out at least somewhat. You seem to be an extremely nice, caring, and compassionate lady, and I am sorry that you had some extremely nasty experiences with some scumbag males. Of course, as even you said before, not all males are like this, and in addition, again, you are welcome to try dating females as well--who knows, maybe you'll end up extremely liking it and enjoying it a lot! Anyway, please, try to cheer up, at least a little!
...my first marriage was an emotionally abusive grinder 15 years long that I am mostly blocked on -- I can't even really remember most of it enough to talk to my current wife about it when she wants to know about it. Before that experience I didn't believe that people could literally blank on things, but apparently it actually happens...
I am right with you!
I have forgotten and blocked out so many things, it sometimes feels almost like I have an amnesia
When you do that and then look back, it feels like there is a hole in a certain area, in the material of your memories. Well, at some point, it started feeling more like a fishing net, for me - with more holes than a solid wall. I had to block it all out, in order to go on and concentrate on present and the future.
Most of this crap (if not all), one way or another, came from my two exs. Bad choice I wish I could take back
Not too much compared to what's here, but at the age of 10 I had to be immobilized in a body cast for eight weeks. One morning, I was awakened and told I'd be in surgery in half an hour. This came as a complete surprise and was doubly hard to take because I'd specifically asked my parents if an operation was involved -- reportedly, my Mom was in tears most of the rest of the day.
The rational part of me can understand her decision, but the baser, more-instinctive side of my brain has ever since told me never to trust anyone, and never to put myself in a position of complete powerlessness -- I have never flown in a commercial airliner, for example. I've likely paid a high price in career options, and a couple of fine women have been turned off by my reluctance to surrender control and render myself vulnerable. The fastest way to turn me off is to hide risks or hard truths with a Goody Two-Shoes optimism.
Not always a healthy attitude, I admit, but he who expects the worst is seldom caught off-guard.
I did. It happened to me 5 years ago. It started as a horrible concussion-like pain attacking the back of my head when I was trying to sleep at night. I don’t remember everything now but I remember excruciating pain, headache, etc. All horrible things. That was the worst night of my entire life and the worst attack in the history of my sleep disorder.
What’s yours?
Yes, I have. I don't wish to give details, but will say that I have suffered from PTSD for a very, very long time because of it.
Lost my late boyfriend to suicide 4.5 years ago. He killed himself while talking on the phone with me. I will never forget that day. I called the cops on him because I lost his cell phone connection while talking on the phone. The cop called me at work, I remember she asked, "Are you sitting down or are you standing up?" I answered, "sitting down." She said, "I am sorry to report that your boyfriend has passed away."
2. You are only responsible for putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. Whatever someone else does to you against your will after that is not your fault, considering that it was not your (final) decision. Honestly, I think that you blaming yourself for getting raped is victim-blaming and as unnecessary and pointless as someone blaming a Holocaust survivor for ending up in a concentration camp since he or she refused to listen to advice telling them to flee beforehand.
3. Are you sure? Did you ever try it? After all, I've read that females' sexuality might very well be more fluid than males' sexuality. Normally, I don't make funny statements in response to posts such as yours, but this statement might very well be accurate for some people: "So, you think you're straight? That's what they also say about spaghetti before it has a hot experience!"
4. In that case, maybe you have been dating the wrong kind of men and/or men are simply not your type (and you don't know it yet).
5. Maybe it's because you love life and all of its various plasures and joys a huge amount?
6. You're alive--that in itself is something to be extremely grateful for. As for your past, in my honest opinion, you should learn a lot of lessons from it, get a hold on yourself (at least somewhat), make sure that you will fully/completely learn from your past form now on (if you have not done so already), and fully embrace the future. Again, I am extremely sorry for everything that happened to you. Thankfully, I have never been raped, so I might not be able to fully comprehend what you went through. However, I do know that some individuals might have very well undergone worse things (such as surviving the Holocaust, et cetera) and yet still managed to remain alive and to have happy, long, joyful, and productive lives.
Also, if you think that you might be depressed and/or et cetera, then you might very well need to see a doctor/psychiatrist/psychologist/et cetera.
I seriously hope that everything which I wrote here helps you out at least somewhat. You seem to be an extremely nice, caring, and compassionate lady, and I am sorry that you had some extremely nasty experiences with some scumbag males. Of course, as even you said before, not all males are like this, and in addition, again, you are welcome to try dating females as well--who knows, maybe you'll end up extremely liking it and enjoying it a lot! Anyway, please, try to cheer up, at least a little!
You are too kind! Ive been on prozac for a year now. Incidents with my ex sent me over the edge and i had to seek help. Now im wondering if i should switch to something different or up the dosage. Its worked miracles on me, but lately, ive had more "down" days than anything. Ive just never thought about women that way. All i want is to be treated with genuine care and not to be hurt intentionally. if by chance i find that with a woman, then so be it. You really made me smile! Thank you very much for the kind words!
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It's so hard not to blame myself though. I put myself in that situation and should have known better. Haven't really thought about dating a woman. Nothing against it, just haven't really been attracted to women like that. All I know for sure is I have no luck with men. I have been used and abandoned so many times. I won't commit suicide. Something in me is thankfully keeping me from doing that. It's just, often I think about my past and wonder how in the hell I have come this far and still be alive.
No problem! 
Of course, as even you said before, not all males are like this, and in addition, again, you are welcome to try dating females as well--who knows, maybe you'll end up extremely liking it and enjoying it a lot! 
