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I was holding my 19 year old son in my arms when he took his last breath. He died in 1987 from an infection that he contacted at the hospital following a successful surgery. Life hasn't been the same since. I worry a lot about my two sons that I have now.
I was in an accident and thrown 40 feet into a tree, five years recovery period.
BUT, after reading the comments my accident was nothing compared to what some of the people here have faced. I cannot conceive of losing a child, never been raped or stabbed, never faced losing my children. I commend all of you that have survived these traumatic events.
I am right with you!
I have forgotten and blocked out so many things, it sometimes feels almost like I have an amnesia
When you do that and then look back, it feels like there is a hole in a certain area, in the material of your memories. Well, at some point, it started feeling more like a fishing net, for me - with more holes than a solid wall. I had to block it all out, in order to go on and concentrate on present and the future.
Most of this crap (if not all), one way or another, came from my two exs. Bad choice I wish I could take back
I got sick right out of high school. I was so sick that I tried going to school and couldn't. I went from that beginning to making it downstairs once a day and back up for bed since I didn't have the strength for more. Only place I went to was the doctor, but had been misdiagnosed by the first and gotten past real treatment by the time I was. I ended up having life and death surgery seven years later.
But my world was me and my dog and cat and imagination. I read volumes. I had a journal and sometimes it would be the ones about how there was no hope, how it could never be better, and then I'd have an idea and write a whole long essay about about it. I made my own little world.
But after the surgery I had my journal to read, and aside from some, like the day Viet Nam surrendered, they seemed like they happened to someone else. I snapped into another mode, I was active and happy and more social than normal. And it actually felt like the seven years hadn't happened at all.
To this day, I dated/lived with and married guys seven years younger. I still feel younger than my age. I wish I still had the journal since I would reread it, but it dissapeared in the second life disastor like everything else. But the shadow me in the things I remember doesn't seem to have any connection with 'me'.
When the horrible disastor happened, when I lost it all, I just went into survival mode. It was like a switch flicked. Lost the stuff in storage but it wasn't important then since where I be that might mattered more. Since, I often wonder if that switch is in everyone or if that first time programmed it in.
2. Ive been on prozac for a year now. Incidents with my ex sent me over the edge and i had to seek help. Now im wondering if i should switch to something different or up the dosage. Its worked miracles on me, but lately, ive had more "down" days than anything.
3. Ive just never thought about women that way.
4. All i want is to be treated with genuine care and not to be hurt intentionally.
5. if by chance i find that with a woman, then so be it.
6. You really made me smile! Thank you very much for the kind words!
1. Thank you very much!
2. Your ex isn't bothering and/or threatening you at all right now, is he? Yeah, if you think that your current medication for isn't working for you any longer, then you should bring this issue up with your doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist as soon as possible.
3. Well, if you are interested, you can still give this option a "test drive" and see if you like it. You might be pleasantly surprised.
4. If you want to (finally) find a good, decent man, then perhaps you should meet this man's parents before your relationship with such a man becomes "too deep", if you catch my drift. After all, someone's parents and their behavior and personality could often be a good indication as to what kind(s) of children they raised.
5. That's definitely a great way of thinking about this!
6. Thank you very much! And you're welcome. I am simply telling you the truth in regards to my analysis of your situation and in regards to which advice I think might be pretty good for you to follow.
2. Your ex isn't bothering and/or threatening you at all right now, is he? Yeah, if you think that your current medication for isn't working for you any longer, then you should bring this issue up with your doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist as soon as possible.
3. Well, if you are interested, you can still give this option a "test drive" and see if you like it. You might be pleasantly surprised.
4. If you want to (finally) find a good, decent man, then perhaps you should meet this man's parents before your relationship with such a man becomes "too deep", if you catch my drift. After all, someone's parents and their behavior and personality could often be a good indication as to what kind(s) of children they raised.
5. That's definitely a great way of thinking about this!
6. Thank you very much! And you're welcome. I am simply telling you the truth in regards to my analysis of your situation and in regards to which advice I think might be pretty good for you to follow.
Anyway, have a good day and take care,
Sincerely,
Futurist.
Thankfully, my ex is not bothering me at all. I dont even know if he lives in town anymore or not. Changed my number a few times since then as well.
Ill keep an open mind about going for women. If it happens, then good! All i ask for is a decent human being. Thats it.
I thought I did, until I heard some of the stories from my students who were incarcerated. That experience made me realize that some people never had a chance. Some people are born, literally, fifty miles behind the starting point of this race. Some people are born within five feet of the finishing line, and run backwards. They think their lives are traumatic. And create more.
I don't just "rate this positively." To me this is just plain PROFOUND!
When I was eight years old, I stood and watched my mother be run over by a car. Crazy thing is, she almost completely recovered from very serious injuries and is still alive and relatively functional (is blind) at age 94.
The moral of all of this?
1. Sometimes bad things happen in life to good people.
2. Good medical care (this was 1968) can make one hell of a lot of difference.
Very long story made as short as possible.
1. First night on my first Navy ship. They had just had a major steam leak that killed ten guys, I was a replacement for one of the ten. First night was the first time I heard men screaming in true terror from the nightmares of the accident.
2. Desert Storm-"missile inbound, all hands brace for impact!". Luckily the scud was shot down
3. Desert Storm-looking into the water off the port side and seeing a mine float past me
4. Accidental electrocution due to ship yard workers wiring emergency lighting in reverse (that's also when I learned too much oxygen can make you high)
5. Varna Bulgaria, 10 year old boy showed us his tongue was cut out and then held out his hand begging for money
6. Alexandria Egypt, old man selling a 12 year old girl he claimed was his daughter.
7. Constanta Romania, kids trying to prostitute themselves for money for food, we gave them what cash we could without the sex
8. Nearly drowned in the bilges of a minesweeper in Ingleside Texas
9. Just recently (age 44) diagnosed with Aspergers along with the PTSD.
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