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This is a slightly diff angle to "being offended".
I don't believe in being offended...it is in our power and control when or if
we "feel offended"...or angry or worried or jealous or a-n-ything.
If a person shouts in our face we are completely and totally in control of
our feelings and our reactions.
I do not buy the sentence, "He made me angry", for example.
No one can "make" you feel anything...we do not have buttons like a robot
for people to press. We, ourselves, allow ourselves to get triggered.
This could have been in the Buddhist section bec it also involves detachment.
It could have been in the Spiritual section bec it involves forgiveness.
We don't have a Wisdom section or Emotional Maturity section.
I also think we are emotional creatures and pretending we are all rational and that we are in control of our feelings it's just a fantasy. Well unless someone is a natural born psychopath. We hate rejection and we naturally get sad or angry when it happens.
If what I say offends or angers another person, that feeling is real even if I don't agree with it. This person is hurting. Do I want him to suffer? Is there anything I can d differently to avoid or stop this feeling? Every situation is different of course. There are many manipulators out there but I think they are outnumbered by those who think they are being "brutally honest" and don't realize there are more effective ways to communicate the same thing that don't bring so much drama and distress.
I think it is understandable that an obese woman publicly made fun of on a bus by teenage boys would feel hurt (or angry or both).
Emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse sometimes--many times. As a rule of thumb emotional wounds heal far slower than physical wounds.
The whole notion that grown people's feelings don't matter is asinine.
I served in the Marine Corps as an E-4 NCO and know well the morale (feelings) of your men matter greatly. I think it was Napoleon who said something along the lines, and I paraphrase: "The emotional is to the physical what the 3 is to the 1."
Give me a group of sexually abused men, emasculated, broken hearted and I'll turn them into a devastating fighting machine that will climb any hill under fire. They won't need "p*ssy" and they won't need the American flag. They will have been resurrected from the dead, and for me and for each other, they will charge into deaths way because they will live forever (having already died and been resurrected).
The culture of "catty" American men. I'll encourage it an watch dejection (emotions) set into her "sisterhood" of men, and my men will annihilate them in the end.
Upon seeing my emotionally broken men, emasculated by other men, the first thing I have to say is,"Never before have I seen such a great and powerful group in men." Not only will I be honored to be in their company but I'll be honored to lead them. And lead them I will by rebuilding each one inside, uniting them as a team, as a brotherhood dependent on one another and counting on one another.
Breaking a man's leg is one thing. But breaking a man's heart, spirit, and mind is another. The latter is a destruction unparalleled.
This is a slightly diff angle to "being offended".
I don't believe in being offended...it is in our power and control when or if
we "feel offended"...or angry or worried or jealous or a-n-ything.
If a person shouts in our face we are completely and totally in control of
our feelings and our reactions.
I do not buy the sentence, "He made me angry", for example.
No one can "make" you feel anything...we do not have buttons like a robot
for people to press. We, ourselves, allow ourselves to get triggered.
This could have been in the Buddhist section bec it also involves detachment.
It could have been in the Spiritual section bec it involves forgiveness.
We don't have a Wisdom section or Emotional Maturity section.
This is a slightly diff angle to "being offended".
I don't believe in being offended...it is in our power and control when or if
we "feel offended"...or angry or worried or jealous or a-n-ything.
If a person shouts in our face we are completely and totally in control of
our feelings and our reactions.
I do not buy the sentence, "He made me angry", for example.
No one can "make" you feel anything...we do not have buttons like a robot
for people to press. We, ourselves, allow ourselves to get triggered.
This could have been in the Buddhist section bec it also involves detachment.
It could have been in the Spiritual section bec it involves forgiveness.
We don't have a Wisdom section or Emotional Maturity section.
Thoughts?
It's in the power of others not to be jackasses. This seems to breed the mindset that if I could go out and purposely offend and be as rude and abrasive as I can to some random person just for the hell of it, I could blame them for being upset or offended by my actions. But I don't do that, I don't go around being an abrasive dick to people because I have empathy. IDK, what's going on today where people believe rude, douchey behavior should be accepted and tolerated.
This is a slightly diff angle to "being offended".
I don't believe in being offended...it is in our power and control when or if
we "feel offended"...or angry or worried or jealous or a-n-ything.
If a person shouts in our face we are completely and totally in control of
our feelings and our reactions.
I do not buy the sentence, "He made me angry", for example.
No one can "make" you feel anything...we do not have buttons like a robot
for people to press. We, ourselves, allow ourselves to get triggered.
This could have been in the Buddhist section bec it also involves detachment.
It could have been in the Spiritual section bec it involves forgiveness.
We don't have a Wisdom section or Emotional Maturity section.
Thoughts?
First of all, Miss Hepburn, I agree with you entirely.
As Wayne Dyer pointed out in his first book Your Erroneous Zones way back in the 1970s, we all own our emotions. No one makes us feel anything -- in any and every situation, we choose our emotions. Now, can we give up "ownership" of our emotions? Not really, though we can choose to not-choose. Does this get us off the hook? Not just no, but heck-no.
Fast-forward to the Twenty-First Century -- we know a LOT more about the sources of our emotions. A group of behavioral scientists, presently known as VitalSmarts (previously known as Interact Performance Systems), has mapped this process with extreme precision.
We now know that, not only do we own our own emotions, but we create them through "stories" that we tell ourselves. (1) We experience something. (2) We tell ourselves STORIES about what led up to this experience. (3) We react emotionally to our STORIES rather than to the observable facts.
And so forth.
Miss Hepburn (and as you know), you do NOT have the power to make me feel angry, or happy, or sad, or any other emotion. My emotions come from my reactions to the STORIES I tell myself about why you did (or didn't do) what you did (or didn't do). Only the rational human understands this. Only the rational human knows to question you about the purpose/intentions of your behavior. Only the rational human uses your responses/explanations to determine what comes next.
It's in the power of others not to be jackasses. This seems to breed the mindset that if I could go out and purposely offend and be as rude and abrasive as I can to some random person just for the hell of it, I could blame them for being upset or offended by my actions. But I don't do that, I don't go around being an abrasive dick to people because I have empathy. IDK, what's going on today where people believe rude, douchey behavior should be accepted and tolerated.
Your post reflects, most clearly, what the late Paul Harvey would have called "The REST of the Story". We owe it to ourselves, at the very minimum, to be courteous yet truthful, and ever-mindful of the impact of our words on the feelings and self-image of others. We also owe it to ourselves to be ever-mindful of our personal motivations for saying whatever it is that we have said, or intend to say. If our intent is to HURT, or to SHAME, or to ONE-UP, or to EMBARRASS, then perhaps we should re-think...
I like what the Dalai Lama said: "My religion is kindness." (Jesus Christ could easily have said the same thing, btw...) I'm not always so good at demonstrating this, but I do try.
First of all, Miss Hepburn, I agree with you entirely.
As Wayne Dyer pointed out in his first book Your Erroneous Zones way back in the 1970s, we all own our emotions. No one makes us feel anything -- in any and every situation, we choose our emotions. Now, can we give up "ownership" of our emotions? Not really, though we can choose to not-choose. Does this get us off the hook? Not just no, but heck-no.
Fast-forward to the Twenty-First Century -- we know a LOT more about the sources of our emotions. A group of behavioral scientists, presently known as VitalSmarts (previously known as Interact Performance Systems), has mapped this process with extreme precision.
We now know that, not only do we own our own emotions, but we create them through "stories" that we tell ourselves. (1) We experience something. (2) We tell ourselves STORIES about what led up to this experience. (3) We react emotionally to our STORIES rather than to the observable facts.
And so forth.
Miss Hepburn (and as you know), you do NOT have the power to make me feel angry, or happy, or sad, or any other emotion. My emotions come from my reactions to the STORIES I tell myself about why you did (or didn't do) what you did (or didn't do). Only the rational human understands this. Only the rational human knows to question you about the purpose/intentions of your behavior. Only the rational human uses your responses/explanations to determine what comes next.
-- Nighteyes
They should have dispatched you to talk to the adults that complained of emotional trauma from being molested by Catholic priests decades ago. Would have saved the American Catholic archdiocese a lot of money. Not sure why the United States Government didn't dispatch you to lecture both the family members of those killed in 9-11 (the many that demanded $$$ for the loss of their sons, daughters, spouses, gay lovers, and the husbands of other women they were screwing) and the American people.
Personally, I don't give a rats a** about 9-11 or those killed in the towers. They can nuke NYC for all I care. However, I'm quite sure I'd have to suffer hearing the moaning of millions of Americans in some emotional drama fest.
Anyways... I can see you'd make a fine senior officer during combat (NOT!).
If I want someone to kick my troops in the a** I'll get a bulldog E-3 or some equivalent to do it. Kind of good cop/bad cop thing. My job is to kick the a** of junior officers and make sure they eat last in line, right behind every lowly E-1 or some equivalent. I'm the papa. The man with big shoulders. Not only am I empathetic but I'm proud of all my sons (soldiers) under me. And yes.... I'm going to send them into the eye of the storm.
So, when my "sons" meet yours on the battle fields of honor, that's the "story" "I'm telling myself."
And please, berate those under your charge after my sons on the battle field cut your daughters from their vaginas to their Adam's Apples, because as you so say, "we choose our emotions" (except gay people apparently, if you're liberal ) and "no one can make you feel anything." I'll remember that next time someone is holding your screaming child out a 12th story window.
(Eh... the pro-determinist, "free will is an allusion," neuroscientist crowd didn't jump in this one to blast "choice" . Guess it must not fit into their political agenda, have to wait for the pro-gay or anti-religion threads for that one.)
They should have dispatched you to talk to the adults that complained of emotional trauma from being molested by Catholic priests decades ago. Would have saved the American Catholic archdiocese a lot of money. Not sure why the United States Government didn't dispatch you to lecture both the family members of those killed in 9-11 (the many that demanded $$$ for the loss of their sons, daughters, spouses, gay lovers, and the husbands of other women they were screwing) and the American people.
Personally, I don't give a rats a** about 9-11 or those killed in the towers. They can nuke NYC for all I care. However, I'm quite sure I'd have to suffer hearing the moaning of millions of Americans in some emotional drama fest.
Anyways... I can see you'd make a fine senior officer during combat (NOT!).
If I want someone to kick my troops in the a** I'll get a bulldog E-3 or some equivalent to do it. Kind of good cop/bad cop thing. My job is to kick the a** of junior officers and make sure they eat last in line, right behind every lowly E-1 or some equivalent. I'm the papa. The man with big shoulders. Not only am I empathetic but I'm proud of all my sons (soldiers) under me. And yes.... I'm going to send them into the eye of the storm.
So, when my "sons" meet yours on the battle fields of honor, that's the "story" "I'm telling myself."
And please, berate those under your charge after my sons on the battle field cut your daughters from their vaginas to their Adam's Apples, because as you so say, "we choose our emotions" (except gay people apparently, if you're liberal ) and "no one can make you feel anything." I'll remember that next time someone is holding your screaming child out a 12th story window.
(Eh... the pro-determinist, "free will is an allusion," neuroscientist crowd didn't jump in this one to blast "choice" . Guess it must not fit into their political agenda, have to wait for the pro-gay or anti-religion threads for that one.)
Are you done? Do you feel better now?
-- Nighteyes (a 20-year-old E-5 in Sunny Southeast Asia; got the tee-shirt to prove it)
PS: In other words, SunStorm my friend, you really -- REALLY -- don't want to go there with me.
Last edited by Nighteyes; 02-04-2014 at 06:35 PM..
They should have dispatched you to talk to the adults that complained of emotional trauma from being molested by Catholic priests decades ago. Would have saved the American Catholic archdiocese a lot of money. Not sure why the United States Government didn't dispatch you to lecture both the family members of those killed in 9-11 (the many that demanded $$$ for the loss of their sons, daughters, spouses, gay lovers, and the husbands of other women they were screwing) and the American people.
Personally, I don't give a rats a** about 9-11 or those killed in the towers. They can nuke NYC for all I care. However, I'm quite sure I'd have to suffer hearing the moaning of millions of Americans in some emotional drama fest.
Anyways... I can see you'd make a fine senior officer during combat (NOT!).
If I want someone to kick my troops in the a** I'll get a bulldog E-3 or some equivalent to do it. Kind of good cop/bad cop thing. My job is to kick the a** of junior officers and make sure they eat last in line, right behind every lowly E-1 or some equivalent. I'm the papa. The man with big shoulders. Not only am I empathetic but I'm proud of all my sons (soldiers) under me. And yes.... I'm going to send them into the eye of the storm.
So, when my "sons" meet yours on the battle fields of honor, that's the "story" "I'm telling myself."
And please, berate those under your charge after my sons on the battle field cut your daughters from their vaginas to their Adam's Apples, because as you so say, "we choose our emotions" (except gay people apparently, if you're liberal ) and "no one can make you feel anything." I'll remember that next time someone is holding your screaming child out a 12th story window.
(Eh... the pro-determinist, "free will is an allusion," neuroscientist crowd didn't jump in this one to blast "choice" . Guess it must not fit into their political agenda, have to wait for the pro-gay or anti-religion threads for that one.)
What are you talking about? No one is talking about being molested or humiliated, but about day to day things like a co-worker being inconsiderate or someone cutting you off in traffic, and how we cannot control THAT but we can control our reaction to it.
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