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My brother and I were spanked mostly with a fly swatter by my mother. I would say that most of the time we deserved it . However, I remember one time shoving my brother over the bathtub and he hit his head against the tile wall. My dad hit me with the belt and it did hurt and really affected me. I think even my mother even thought it was too much as I was at least 12. I think we could have been spanked less but I think my parents thought that was the way to discipline just like they had been disciplined. Fortunately, with our daughter, she was spanked very little and it was before she turned 5. She willfully disobeyed and my wife spanked her with her hand. There were no bruises or marks but she did cry. However, most of the time, time outs or other methods seem to work with her and we had no problems with her in school. Now, she is grown and has a Masters from a well known East coast university.
I also taught school for 37 years and I swatted a some boys in my first year or so. I do not regret it but I contend that the school needs to have that as a option, NOT THE DEFAULT, for some students. I fully believe there would be more order and respect for what the teacher is trying to do in the classroom. Back in the early 60's, most of my middle school teachers had paddles and the assistant principal had the biggest and the loudest. Here again, I think it was over done but it did get rid of a lot of nonsense. Today the teacher and principals have their hands tied and worried about parents calling the lawyers and the paperwork involved in trying to document discipline problems. I was known for having a well run class and I had very few discipline problems. However, I still contend that there were rare cases where a paddle would have really solved a lot of problems more quickly than filling out paperwork infinitum.
I got my Dad's belt on a few occasions. But only when I got real outta line. I was in a school for a few years where some of the staff abused kids. Using combat boots, fists, one kid got a pin stuck up his ass! The very reason why I became a CPS worker...if I get any complaint of abuse, or see any, I'm coming down on the abuser with both barrels!!!
Spanked a couple of times, just a swat or two to the bottom, around five years old, for sassing. Other than that, no. By the time I came along in my parents' lives, they realized it's a pizz-poor way of disciplining a child. I learned that my actions had consequences because my parents tended to let those consequences unfold naturally, and I was smart enough to put 2 and 2 together.
Or maybe they were just too tired.
Seriously, though, perhaps my not getting hit is one reason why I never made some of the absolutely idiotic decisions in my life that my elder sisters did. Once they didn't have to fear "the strap," they did all the things they wanted to do. If being hit is your only motivation for not doing something, that doesn't really teach you why you shouldn't be doing it. So then they had to learn that their actions had consequences in high school and on into their 20s, instead of in grade school like I did.
At any rate, I think it's pretty barbaric to bang a kid up. And once my sisters grew up--albeit late in life--and had kids of their own, they refrained from hitting their kids. Considering that one's kids grew up to be a teacher and the other a financial whiz kid, and the other's kids are in grad school, nursing school, osteopath school, and one undergrad probably going to go into business, I'd say it's not necessary to raise a hand to a kid to raise that kid into a productive member of society with a moral compass. Again, they let consequences unfold naturally, like my parents did with me. Kid doesn't want to go to bed? Fine, stay up half the night, but you still have to get up at 6:00 for school. They stayed up late once. Come home with booze on your breath at age 14? Get up at 6:00 and cook the family breakfast. If you have to stop and puke 4 times, you have to stop and puke 4 times, but get back in the kitchen and scramble those eggs.
But the people I do know who where banged up--excuse me, "whooped"--as kids? Most of them were messes in their 20s and ended up on therapists' couches in their 30s, or ended up with bad marriages with people who abused them, my sisters included.
I'm sure this will tick off a few of the "spare the rod" parents in the forum, but I don't really care. Violence is just not a good tool for discipline.
Location: Approximately 50 miles from Missoula MT/38 yrs full time after 4 yrs part time
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I think the "era", the age of the child and the "action" or "language" taken by the child, all should be taken into consideration when determining whether or not some form of physical punishment should be applied as a "learning tool".
My father and mother were both born in 1900, just a few years after their parents came over from Bohemia and Ireland respectively----in other words, they were "old-school". So my Dad and my mom were also "old-school" but to a much lesser degree. In my pre grade school years I got "spanked" by the "Sisters of Mercy" who were the Order of Nuns that taught me all through the 8 grades. Nothing ever severe, just enough that let you know that you had done something that deserved some form of punishment. Same at home, and also in both places, if it was "bad laungage or swearing"....the Lifeboy soap in the mouth was very effective.
My first year in high school was at a Cataholic Miltary Academy -- taught by Jesuit Priests--(my dad had died before my high school years started) and my mom felt it was a good choice for me, being that I was a little on "the-wild-side"....nothing serious, nothing criminal or against the law, just a little "on-the-wild-side.'
Any way, it all worked out well, I learned to be a "good-boy and a good-student and ended up working my way through 4 years of college and graduated with two degrees., got married shortly after college, had a wonderful daughter and was married for over 51 years before my wife passed.......So In my case the "spankings and soap in the mouth" had the desired effect.
Several questions on this subject, as basically it's about outlawed now to break a switch off a tree and take your "back talking brat" out behind the tool shed and whip his butt. LOL. Ok, you get the idea.
Did you get spanked as a child and how do you feel about it now as an adult. And if you have children now, or already raised them how do you discipline them?
I got regular butt whippins as a boy growing up. I think I probably deserved most of them and I do not feel it harmed me psychologically in any way. I recall the worst I got was when I told my mom to, "shut her mouth" when she took away my new remote control car for not doing my chores at about age 13. Dad came home and I got it. As he used the switch on me, I recall getting angry and telling him, "it doesn't hurt" as I hopped around the room grabbing my rear and he would give me a few more until I admitted it hurt. LOL.
As a parent now with an adult daughter, I never spanked her. I never felt the need to and really never thought about it. All in all, she was a good girl and never got into any serious trouble. I did ground her from time to time. Plus I'm a big softy for the female species and could not fathom striking my daughter. If I had a boy and he was like me as a boy, I might have felt different.
I remember a time when my best friend and I got into big trouble for skipping school. His dad came home and took off his belt. His mom tried to step and stop dad from whippin him and my friend told his mom, "I screwed up and I deserve it, let him spank me." His mom just stood there with this shocked look.
Anyhow, what are your thoughts of this age of everything is "abuse" and most kids not getting spanked?
Now I agree there is a line people can cross. Beating a child is horrible, but talking to them, telling them why they are getting spanked and then doing it while controlled. Is that all bad? Should it be illegal?
Your thoughts?
I do not feel psychologically harmed either and the level of butt whoopings I got would easily be considered abuse by today's standards (my mom liked to use a metal hanger or make us kneel on rice). I did not spank my children but I don't think I did them any favors with that. Because of the fear of spankings and kneelings, I did not cross the line. My kids seem to push it every opportunity they get and that hasn't been good for them.
my mother did the spanking in my family ..my dad just did a lot of yelling ..my only grief growing up was the beatings I got from older siblings . I am the youngest of 13 kids ..I did not attend one of my sisters funerals and her child askes me often why not .. I don't want to tell her how much her mother abused me physically and verbally ..
I absolutely did and I deserved it when I got it. I will be doing the same to my future kids if necessary.
Same here. I got a flyswatter, belt, or switch on occasion. All adults in my family spank children. It never traumatized anyone. I think whooping is fine. it can become abuse if taken too far. And usually whooping stop after a certain age-don't hear about too many teenagers getting whooped, then the yelling and lectures happen. Least it did for me lol
I use Good Times, the sitcom as an example. James had no issue with whooping his children. But they weren't abused. Now Penny's mother was abusive, where she burns her daughter with a hot iron, almost broke her arm, and knocks her upside the head, to the point she had nightmares about it, and she'd hit Penny when she got frustrated not being able to keep a boyfriend.
I don't want any kids of my own, and I agree abuse is bad. But a spanking now and then fine. My brother and I were, and neither of us were traumatized for it. But that's not to say he were grand kids, because we weren't. We did lots of mischievous stuff, and my mother and I laugh about it now.
Last edited by HappyRain; 12-17-2014 at 01:31 PM..
I don't think spanking makes kids better or worse behaved.. There are plenty that were spanked and act like idiots and plenty of responsible people that were never spanked. It just makes me laugh when people say "Kids these days need more spankings". Spanking may make a child behave for an instant, but the second they leave your sight they will go back to doing stupid ****.
my mother did the spanking in my family ..my dad just did a lot of yelling ..my only grief growing up was the beatings I got from older siblings . I am the youngest of 13 kids ..I did not attend one of my sisters funerals and her child askes me often why not .. I don't want to tell her how much her mother abused me physically and verbally ..
Are you at all "attached" to this child? If so, you really should explain so that he/she can understand your behavior (presuming the child is old enough to comprehend, that is). Then the questions can end.
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