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We are twins separated at birth. Can't rep you again.
I didn't know my ex was an alkie either--I liked hanging out and drank, too, but I didn't come from a family of drinkers and at that point in my life I had no idea that there were people who appeared normal at first but who would toss everything and everyone aside for drinking. I didn't really understand that he had a problem until we were married and I was pregnant and learned that beer and his pals at the bar were still more important to him than our marriage and our daughter.
I had to divorce him. He was abusive and mean and it got so bad I was afraid I was going to have to kill him one day. I wanted him to be dead. Now, after 15 years of divorce, we are fairly friendly and our daughter is grown and he has another woman taking care of him, but I am still glad I am not married to him anymore.
I'm also 55, and I know I will be alone for the rest of my life. For the most part, I can deal with it, and I live a busy life, but I do have my moments when I wish there was someone to share life with. I learned to avoid painful situations--for example, I stopped taking a friend's social invitations after I went to her barbecues and parties too many times and was the only person there who was not part of a couple. I don't like the way they look at me as if I am what they fear will happen to them. A single woman in this society is seen as something less than whole, and I don't want to be the object of that viewpoint, thanks. I do a lot of things alone. I go to dinner alone, I go to Atlantic City alone, and just yesterday I was looking at some of the upcoming concerts at the theater in the nearby town that gets big-name musicians, and you know what? I'm going to go to some concerts alone, too. I like music and there's no reason for me not to enjoy some of these events just because I was not deemed good enough to be part of someone's life.
You should have gotten into rowing, MQ. The sport is full of tall, fit, endearingly humble women.......and guys that love them.
-girls should give these guys some sympathy nana before they grow into serial killers
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i dont even understand how its even possible these days to not get any...there are alot of females out there with struggles and low self esteem, at minimum you can get your feet wet in the game.
What he wrote and what his REAL actions/interactions were are two entirely different things. His neighbor (young college guy) was interviewed yesterday on CNN and the guy stated that he and his friends would invite Elliot to parties/gatherings/to hang out and he wouldn't interact socially. When people tried to engage him in conversations he would give one word or very short answers. He would spend most of his time at gatherings just staring or glaring at people. The guy also stated that Elliot had a very "dead look" in his eyes that was off-putting.
Stop trying to blame other people for the social ineptitude of this guy. He was lonely because he chose to be lonely (by not getting the proper psychiatric intervention). I read his "manifesto" and he exhibited extreme jealousy from a very early age that escalated into him assaulting strangers for being coupled up/good looking/happy. What was also evident from his writings was that he had an absentee father and a weak-minded mother who indulged and coddled him instead if getting him the help that he needed.
Um, he was getting mental health treatment. He didn't choose to become disturbed in the first place; it was partly a result of life's events. Also, he was clearly anxious by nature (leading to rumination and in turn psychosis) and, if he was like most people on PUA Hate, naturally introverted and disinclined to be social in groups.
And he was physiologically aroused by women, unless people think he lied about sight-related erections and masturbation. Maybe some part of him didn't actually want relationships, but I don't really care about him. I want people to discuss the big picture, how society (women, men, and social norms) contributes to needless misery and death centered around many lonely men. And yesterday there was a saw attack in Japan committed by a man I presume had some incel rage.
That's when they pull out the "well, I can't be with a woman I'm not attracted to," as if there's only one type of woman who could possibly be attractive.
But God forbid a woman refuse to be with a man she's not attracted to. Then we get blamed for the actions of insane serial killing virgins.
Some very nice girls can't buy a date. My best friend is probably a 7 on a scale of 1-10, she's intelligent, hard working, loyal, honest and fun to be around. She can't buy a date. Never has been able to. She's always been on the heavy side (180 pounds and 5'4") and men don't give her a second look. She's one of the nicest people I know.
There are women out there who would love to have a nice caring man show them some attention but they are not what men want so men don't. I understand because I was never what men wanted either. I was never pretty enough so I sat home on Saturday nights. In high school the only two boys who paid any attention to me were a nerd who didn't know how to take a bath and a guy who started his career as an alcoholic in 9th grade (that's how far down the list I was. He died in his 40's BTW of complications related to lifelong alcohol abuse.). For some of us, pickings are slim. The funny thing is people don't seem to notice us when they claim that nice men can't find nice women. We're invisible.
I find it very interesting that I've had two men from my past comment that they wish they'd met someone like me when they were younger. They don't even see the irony in what they are saying. They did meet someone exactly like me. They met me but I didn't make the cut. What they are saying is they wanted to meet someone more appealing with my character.
I'm always amazed when I watch television shows like Happily Never After and see a nice man hook up with a scheming woman who is just playing him. How many invisible women did he pass over to get the arm candy that takes him to the cleaners or worse?
I was in this same boat too. I'm new to the relationship side of this forum having come to these threads after the shooting tragedy. Frankly, I've been shocked to see how many men think women have no issues with dating. It simply isn't true.
I had zero dates in high school. I had grand total of three dates going into my late 20s. One of my friends had only one date in college and then no dates at all until age 40. She married the man she finally started dating and is still happily married.
I can only say to the men that you're hurting yourselves by believing that women don't suffer the same types of rejections as you do. Some people both male and female just hit the ground running when it comes to dating. Other people aren't so lucky, and it certainly doesn't help when society labels the latter group as losers because they haven't paired up with someone right out of school.
Mental disorders need to be diagnosed in an early stage.Too many getting through.
The problem here is that many disorders have an age of onset of 18-25 or so. Whether it's chemical, or an interaction between environmental influences and later chemical responses to those environmental influences, lots of mental illnesses begin around early adulthood.
-- Furthermore, the crime rate among the mentally ill is about the same as for the "normal" population. There's a moral component in there somewhere, and it seems to me that today's conventional wisdom regarding morality has some huge holes in it. The social sciences, being sciences, are not discourses on values, but merely discourses on the primitive mechanical aspects of human behavior. (More broadly, science tells us how we can do things, not whether we ought to.)
-- Spotting dangerousness is harder than spotting eccentricity or mental illness. Prozac and other SSRIs are among the most often prescribed drugs in the U.S. Should we haul in everyone taking SSRIs? They're prescribed most often for depression, which is a mental illness. And even paranoid schizophrenics are not categorically dangerous.
-- I worked in the field for about 10 years, and I don't think that psychiatric diagnoses are going to provide an easy way out of these problems. It's like saying that most gun violence is committed by minorities; therefore, minorities are dangerous. Or, the feminist classic about all men being rapists because most rapists are men.
-- The problem has many components, and mental illness is only one of them.
But God forbid a woman refuse to be with a man she's not attracted to. Then we get blamed for the actions of insane serial killing virgins.
The difference is that men find all but the dredges of the female sex attractive, while women find all but the cream of the male sex (as defined by all sorts of appalling criteria) unattractive.
The difference is that men find all but the dredges of the female sex attractive, while women find all but the cream of the male sex (as defined by all sorts of appalling criteria) unattractive.
"Attractive" is a different thing than "would sleep with," or at least it should be. Desperation is never attractive.
That's bunk. You could move to NWA and fit right in. Most of our young-ins' are big young-ins' ( as in tall, which goes for male and female). People around here are just large, in general. Check out the women at the u of A baskeball team. I am 5'10" and met one these gals while at Sub Way and she just towered me. A good looking bunch. AT 5'10", I'd probably be the one dribbling, running through everyone's legs to make a basket. I would be considered short.
I don't know what NWA means, but if you read my post, you'd see I was 55. I'm not a "young'un"!
I do notice that I see more young couples nowadays where the woman is taller than the man. It doesn't seem to be the big NO NO it was in the 70s when I was young.
No guy would be caught dead with a girl taller than he was back in those days. I'm glad this generation seems to be getting over that.
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Some very nice girls can't buy a date. My best friend is probably a 7 on a scale of 1-10, she's intelligent, hard working, loyal, honest and fun to be around. She can't buy a date. Never has been able to. She's always been on the heavy side (180 pounds and 5'4") and men don't give her a second look. She's one of the nicest people I know. 
They don't even see the irony in what they are saying. They did meet someone exactly like me. They met me but I didn't make the cut. What they are saying is they wanted to meet someone more appealing with my character. 
