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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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It's not just CD, but it really does seem that people who get to a ripe old age without ANY real experience with the opposite sex are becoming commoner than before. They've always existed, of course, but they were mostly in the shadows. We didn't hear their stories before the internet.etc. But I think in this modern age, there seems to be more barriers between communication between adults, and it's quite easy to be a pretty normal person, especially a man, and just get passed by. I even know some guys who are decently looking, sociable, who just never get there...it's quite amazing, really, how difficult it can be, especially for those who want 'true love' instead of a quick root.
30 year old virgins don't seem that uncommon, actually. I think it's related to the number of 'big kids' who never really grow up and never leave the nest, or get out. I know some personally online. As it becomes harder to meet people through the usual avenue, do you think this group will increase greatly? I don't think net dating really helps you all that much. I hear in Japan 25% of all 30 year old men and women are still virgins, or something like that, which seems incredibly high, but is not surprising considering how introverted Japanese society seems to be. Are we becoming like that?
P.S. I guess by 'mature age' virgins/RS virgins, I'm talking those over 25 who have never been in a relationship, or have never been intimate with someone of the opposite sex (or same sex if they're so inclined) not out of choice.
I have a friend who is 36 and still a virgin, despite having no "morality" hangups. Guys think she's adorable. But she has very low self-esteem and is very very shy. I think she's just given up at this point, and that kind of drives me nuts.
Another friend, the same age as the other girl, was in a similar position - attractive, educated, kind and quite amusing - and simply "got it over with" a few years ago with a guy she found attractive. She doesn't regret it at all, though she never actually told him it was her first time. Now, she's hoping to get into an actual relationship, but her dating environment sucks.
I dearly love both of those friends of mine, but for the life of me, I can't figure out what it is. With the first, I suspect it's that she is leery of relationships due to her parents rather unequal marriage and that that fear keeps her from ever truly letting go with a guy.
The second, I suspect, comes off as a bit controlling - though she's not really controlling at all. She has a very practical, creative and brilliant mind, and likes to solve problems - so she offers suggestions and ideas when you tell her about an issue you're having. I suspect guys think she will "try to change them" or something - but the truth is that if you set boundaries she NEVER crosses them. However, I think if a guy mentions a problem in passing and gets a complete suggested solution within 5 minutes rather than condolences and a pat on the back, it can be a bit offputting. Her father and brother are like that too - but I think that problem-solving instinct is more acceptable in guys. Interestingly, her father and brother are not as good with boundaries as she is.
That's got nothing to do with this thread, and more to do with the fact that people feel disconnected and don't have the dating/social opportunities that existed back when communities were tighter and there were real social circles one could be a part of. People could meet others to date or even just have social interaction with because they knew one another from their community or church/synagogue or through family connections. It's not that way anymore.
Hell, I'm thinking about this today, because while I am not out searching for a one-night stand/sexual encounter, and I know that I have almost zero chances of ever again having a relationship, I'd love to just be able to go someplace and have a drink. Just to be out amongst people and have a cocktail and maybe hear some music. But I'd have to do this by myself, since I have no one to go with me, and I can recall being younger and being skeeved by the sight of a fifty-something woman alone at the bar. Usually she had bleached blonde hair and would end up going home with whatever drunk wanted her at last call, and I'm NOT playing that role, lol, but I still feel weird about it, so I'll probably just stay home.
In another time and place, I'd have some sort of social contacts with whom I could make plans to go out because I would belong somewhere.
I have a friend who was a virgin until she was 40. She was devoutly Catholic, and wanted to wait for marriage, but marriage never came. She dated a man for a long time who was always with other women and did a lot of cocaine, which all of her friends knew, but she refused to believe it because of her religious beliefs. She looked for the good in everyone and ignored reality. Eventually she couldn't hide the truth from herself anymore, either, and dumped him.
After 40, she asked a good friend of hers to relieve her of her virginity. He was a good-looking charmer but he was an irresponsible guy who spent too much time and money at the bar, so she wouldn't accept him as a serious partner, but he did really like her. Anyway, he granted her request. Since then she had a LTR with another guy, a Christian who is somewhat radical (he goes to war zones and the like to help the innocent people who are caught in other people's battles) and she recently broke up with him and started dating a hot Colombian who I suspect sees her as a ticket to a green card, but she's 48 now and should be able to figure that out on her own. Meanwhile, I think she's enjoying him and making up for lost time, hehehe.
I know some guys in there mid 20s who are still virgins. I'm not sure if they've given up or not, but they never speak of women. I guess if you've have 0 success in the past, you don't have much hope for the future with relationships.
Yeah i can definitely see the # of virgins increasing with the lack of success I've had in the past few years. I think most of those men came to the conclusion that women don't want them and it's just not worth there time anymore to try.
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