How can I fall asleep? (anxiety, mentally, mom, husband)

[conlainhothuong]

I hope this thread belongs here, I dont know where else to post this, but I need serious help!

I have always been a night owl ever since going to college. Even in hs it was bad. I remember living with my biological mom for part of junior year and the full senior year of hs and while my siblings got up at 5 am to get ready for school, I didnt get up til at least 1 hour after them, and even then it was a struggle. They'd come in and wake me up, and I'd bargain another 5 minutes. Needless to say, I was never a morning person to begin with.

Its gotten worse as I got older. I would love to go to bed early, get at least 7-8 hours of sleep (I need that much sleep to thrive, not 6). When I put my kids to sleep at around 9, I lay there in bed with all the lights and tv off, and I try to drift to sleep but i cant. Thoughts just run around my head such as what I'm going to cook tomorrow, appointments coming up etc. None of those thoughts are necessary, but they just come involuntarily. The next time I look at the clock, its already 1 am! The next 2 hours are spent thinking about how I can get myself to sleep, before falling asleep at 3 am lol.

I work from home, freelance but ideally I should be logging in everyday since no work = no money, but due to the crazy sleep cycle, I havent been able to do so. I'd fall asleep at 3 am, and would be too tired to get up at 7 am.

Is there a way for me to sleep train myself? I have tried going to bed earlier, around 10 pm, but even so, the earliest I would fall asleep is 1 am. I turn off all the lights, tv, tried listening to music (that actually makes me more awake), and nothing is helping.

Should I resort to sleeping pills? Ideally, I would like to get up at 5 am, hit the gym til 6, and log into work by 7 am. That schedule seems so unrealistic to me, although I've known people who've done that.

Any help would be really appreciated, thanks!

[harhar]

This is what I've found:

1. Work out; get tired. On days I don't work out for 30min to an hour it is MUCH harder for me to got to sleep.

2. Turn down the lights an hour or two before bed. Don't look at phones, etc...

3. Don't eat before bed. Stop eating around 6 or 7.

4. Read before bed. This helps me.

5. This sounds counter intuitive, but STAY UP and do chores or other things until you're tired. Don't lay in bed looking at the clock. In these sorts of cases, I'll do dishes or something boring.

6. Meditation. After a workout or before bed, try to flush those thoughts from your mind.

6b. Have a notebook or planner. I use Google Notes to remind me of things and to make lists. That way I'm not trying to force myself to remember what to do, or what to buy at the grocery store. I just have it in my list. I have literally thousands of notes and I've noticed I don't stress out with remembering as much.

7. Although I do use OTC sleeping pills occasionally they are (despite what people will say) habit forming. I'll get migraines if I stop taking them. So, they are an option and sometimes after my sleep patterns are screwed up from say a vacation, I'll take some that Sunday night, then ween myself off of them, through the above tips. So they would be a LAST resort.

[silibran]

I think harhar has good tips. I find that two things tend to make me stay awake: too much screen time right before bed, and too much tea or coffee too late in the day. I also agree that I always sleep better if I have been to the gym that day.

Sometimes I can't sleep because my muscles are too tight in my shoulders and neck. I use a heating pad under my upper back when that occurs. Many times that has helped ease me into sleep.

I think going to bed at 9 am is too early. Go to bed between 10 and 11, and do so every night. Get up at the same time every day. If nothing works to allow you to sleep at night, try telling yourself a story, or mentally invent characters and "write" a novel. That's what I do. It works for me pretty well.

But try for exercise several times a week, and I think you will see an improvement. Good luck!

(If all else fails, get a referral to a sleep clinic.)

[allthatglitters]

The previous posters have given you some good sleep hygiene tips.


Unfortunately none of them work for me due to my anxiety being off the charts.


I take prescription sleeping meds, only way I can get a full night of Zzzzz's.

[Ruth4Truth]

They say you shouldn't look at any screens (TV, computer) at least 1 hr. before going to bed. Also: don't consume caffeine after late morning, and don't eat sweets (no deserts) or too many carbs at dinner. You might have insulin resistance, which would keep you awake at night. And try Celestial Seasoning's Sleepytime tea, (camomile) It's better than straight camomile.


On the other hand, OP, you could see an endocrinologist for testing. It's possible your circadian rhythm is messed up because the hormones that govern that could be off. However, very few endocrinologists do that type of work. You might have to resort to a naturopathic doc, or to an MD who works outside of the insurance system (i.e. he charges a stiff fee (but is very good--you get what you pay for), and all testing is out-of-pocket). You should check adrenal hormones (Adrenal Stress Index Test, collecting saliva samples throughout the day), and see if your progesterone is adequate at night. It's your main sleep hormone, and should start coming into the system around 9pm, to prepare the body for sleep, and peak at midnight, triggering the release of serotonin.

How old are you? I know you said this pattern started when you were in college, but is there a chance that peri-menopausal hormonal changes could be contributing to it? It could be that taking some progesterone cream when you go to bed (you can get it over the counter at some health food stores or vitamin stores) could solve the problem. But you should get your endocrine functions tested first. Good luck.

[amberamour]

I highly recommend the book "Goodnight Mind" by Colleen Carney and Rachel Manber. It helped me turn around my sleep difficulties. From what you say you are experiencing it will help you too. You can borrow it from your local library if you don't want to buy it.

[conlainhothuong]

Thanks for all the inputs. I will try to incorporate most if not all of that to my daily schedule and see what happens. I did some cleaning before as well as cook a "fancy" meal for my family (takes 4 hours) and Im kinda tired now at only 6:30 pm.

I am only 26, so no menopausal problems yet. I feel like a lot of this has to do with prolonged habits. I had a job freshman year of college and my shift was until 12 am (school in the morning and work from 3 pm-midnight). After 12 am, I got off and went to the gym until 1 am. Got home, shower, read and staying up past 2 am was a daily thing. Due to school and work taking up the majority of my day, I felt like I only had 1-2 hours after work to do any living. I did what I had to, but now my schedule is way more flexible. I can work at 6-7 am in the morning and get off work by 11 am, so sleep shouldnt be an issue now.

I guess I need to sleep train myself.

[Rivertowntalk]

Working out helps. Also, I have found that if I turn on Tune in Radio and use headphones and listen to a podcast of some sort, it's lights out fast. Can't keep my eyes open. Listen to some of the medical related ones, like where a physician is talking about nutrition or something like that.

Try not to take any naps during the day and ensure you stop drinking coffee well before noon.

I used to get up at 4 AM for work and it seemed fairly easy after awhile. Would go to bed by 9, or earlier.

[Bobdreamz]

Originally Posted by conlainhothuong

I hope this thread belongs here, I dont know where else to post this, but I need serious help!

I have always been a night owl ever since going to college. Even in hs it was bad. I remember living with my biological mom for part of junior year and the full senior year of hs and while my siblings got up at 5 am to get ready for school, I didnt get up til at least 1 hour after them, and even then it was a struggle. They'd come in and wake me up, and I'd bargain another 5 minutes. Needless to say, I was never a morning person to begin with.

Its gotten worse as I got older. I would love to go to bed early, get at least 7-8 hours of sleep (I need that much sleep to thrive, not 6).When I put my kids to sleep at around 9, I lay there in bed with all the lights and tv off, and I try to drift to sleep but i cant. Thoughts just run around my head such as what I'm going to cook tomorrow, appointments coming up etc. None of those thoughts are necessary, but they just come involuntarily. The next time I look at the clock, its already 1 am! The next 2 hours are spent thinking about how I can get myself to sleep, before falling asleep at 3 am lol.

I work from home, freelance but ideally I should be logging in everyday since no work = no money, but due to the crazy sleep cycle, I havent been able to do so. I'd fall asleep at 3 am, and would be too tired to get up at 7 am.

Is there a way for me to sleep train myself? I have tried going to bed earlier, around 10 pm, but even so, the earliest I would fall asleep is 1 am.[/b] I turn off all the lights, tv, tried listening to music (that actually makes me more awake), and nothing is helping.[/b]

Should I resort to sleeping pills? Ideally, I would like to get up at 5 am, hit the gym til 6, and log into work by 7 am. That schedule seems so unrealistic to me, although I've known people who've done that.

Any help would be really appreciated, thanks!

It sounds like you have anxiety as you try to force & torture yourself to sleep while worrying about all of the chores you need to accomplish for the next day. You need a regular routine.

You also need a schedule when it comes to issues like "what I'm going to cook tomorrow, appointments coming up etc. You can plan & make meals ahead so that should relieve some stress for you.
Appointments are a planned ahead scheduled event so that shouldn't worry you beside the matter at hand.

Another Question is do you exercise every morning? Perhaps you can split your routine between mornings & after you are done with work in the early evening. Working out a few hours before sleep wears your body out.

As for sleeping pills I would avoid them since they can lead to being addicted to them just to sleep and they really don't make you very functional the morning after.

FWIW I fall asleep with my TV & computer on which leads to some weird dreams yet good to go the next day.

Best of luck!

[conlainhothuong]

I would love to work out! However due to our conflicting schedule (husband and mine) I cant hit the gym at night. I work part time in the mornings from 6-10 (or 7-10 if I wan to start later). After I log off work, I stay home with the kids while the husband leaves for work at 11 am. He doesnt get home til at least 9 pm. So my only option is working out before work, which could be 6 am if I really cant go at 5 am. I also work out at home during the day. I love the Just Dance games with kinect and it also provides very great aerobic exercise. However, I still cant sleep during the night.

After putting my kids to bed last night, I ended up reading an ebook (I have switched to reading ebooks since they are more convenient). Last time I ate was around 6 - 7 pm, so by 12 am, I was hungry but refrained myself from having anything besides water.

Received an email from my company at 1 am saying they are short staffed and are looking for people to log on. I usually would never log on during the graveyard hours but couldnt sleep anyways so why not? My husband said I should just try to sleep because if I logged on and actually worked, I'd have a hard time waking up the next morning for my usual work time. I told him I could handle it, well logged in for an hour, handled a call from the UK and when I was done it was 2 am. One of the kids stared crying so I went to check up on him and thats when I actually fell asleep, shortly after 2 am...Guess that is an improvement from the usual 3 am, but still couldnt get myself out of bed this morning to log myself into work at 7 am...

I swear I will do better tonight...

As far as the thoughts that run through my head at night, I have no idea why that happens. I write all the appointments down on my phone, and even set a 24 notice, so no worries there. As far as the cooking, I usually am efficient about what to cook and dont need advance planning. I feel like all of that happens because I cant fall asleep. If I am not thinking about appointments or cooking, I think about my kids, how fast they are growing, sending the oldest to pre school, should we have another kid later down the road...really, just very random thoughts and something I shouldnt be so apprehensive about. Its just a jumble of thoughts and very frustrating. I know I shouldnt think, and dont have the need to think about those thoughts but they just come, it gives me a headache too because I think too much. I hope I dont sound confusing. I feel like I just need to settle my mind...

Sometimes it happens during the day too, where I overthink too much and get frustrated because most of the things I think about will not be happening anytime in the near future but I keep thinking about it until I come up with a definite resolution.