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I was in a very similar position. My mom, who had many problems, kicked me out when I was 16. My father who divorced her when I was a baby, has been in and out of my life, mostly out, so I had to grow up fast. I gave up on him years ago. My biggest life transitions came quite young. I had an advantage over others because I had to accept these changes at an early age when it's easier for people to adapt. I turned out all right, and I don't even have to give my parents the credit for it
Lol ... yeah I know someone like that, whose parents deserve NO credit other than teaching the kids some social graces and making sure they didn't outright starve.
It is lucky you had the ability to weather the transitions alone. Many do not. Or have been told, and believe, that they cannot.
The biggest transition one makes in life IS death. Everything else can be a do-over. You can read about most everything else and how to make it better - parenting, marriage, retirement, divorce, completing school, buying a home, even having a child die before you. You get one shot on your own death, no pun intended. Some people chose suicide over death (more recently Robin Williams, but also Diane Arbus, Cleopatra, George Eastman, Spalding Gray, Ernest & Margaux Hemingway, Abbie Hoffman, Brian Keith, Evelyn McHale, Marilyn Monroe, Dana Plato, Vincent Van Gogh, Virginia Woolf, and possibly Socrates and Alan Turing, to name a few) just so they have a choice.
Insofar as death is extinguishing life on this earth, it is the biggest transition, and you live until you die. Most of us expire as a result of the medical complications, and some of this can be eased with palliative care.
With all of this said, I have to comment here on Mordant's excellent exegesis on parenting; never before have I read something so honest and heartfelt. Those who are critical really have no idea on having a kid who is less than, despite all extreme efforts.
It is a big transition to leave school and start working. For me an even bigger transition, even more than marriage, was the beginning of parenthood. Suddenly I was responsible for a tiny human I had brought into the world. This for me was huge.
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Originally Posted by froglipz
Having a child. Because then it is no longer about you.
While I haven't had kids myself, in watching my friends and brother who have had kids I would say that having children is, by a wide margin, the biggest transition in most people's life. It has enormous implications in just about every part of someone's life, many of which are fundamental pieces of who we are as individuals. Having a child impacts finances, impacts sleep patterns, impacts sexual habits, impacts hobbies, food, privacy, freedom, space. It redefines what peace of mind even means for someone, and it constantly evolves for the rest of your life. For the majority of people, it focuses their perspective of what "responsibility" is. My brother was irresponsible until he became a father, but it's been amazing to see him step up to the task. I knew he would, because we have great parents ourselves who raised us well, but it was still amazing to see it happen so quickly and so dramatically.
And even beyond all those practical impacts, many people either don't realize or underestimate how much biological change happens in new parents. Obviously a mother goes through huge changes in hormones and body chemistry from the moment of conception, but so does the father. It's part of how parents don't go insane having to care for a screaming, sleepless baby for months on end. It's a fundamental biological event that even other stressful, life-altering events don't fully equate to.
I'm sure someone has already said this, but I think the biggest transition is divorce and/or job loss. You didn't say it had to be positive, so there you go. I wouldn't wish those on anyone. Best transition is probably getting married or starting a new full time job, IMO.
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