Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
One of the things my mind will do, is create an argument in my head in a scenario that has not happened. For instance, I'll be walking my dog and she'll be going to the bathroom on some grass and I'll be getting out the poop bag, and I'll imagine some stranger starting to yell at me to be sure and pick up the poop. Then, I'll start imagining the different things I could say to that person in response. I'll sometimes start to get worked up in my head, as if I'm actually having an argument. Then, I have to say, "Whoa, why fight a battle that isn't there?"
Wow, I thought I was the only person who had made-up arguments in my head! Thankfully, I do this a lot less than I used to.
I could write an essay on this topic, as it's something I know a lot about, both from personal experience and working informally with people with anxiety issues. I've read the Dale Carnegie book and agree there are a lot of great ideas in there.
One technique that came to mind when I read the OP was a simple but effective one that I learned through cognitive therapy. When you have a negative thought that you can recognize as being harmful, you say to yourself something along the lines of, "SO WHAT?" or "WHO CARES?" Say it out loud if you can. This drives home just how insignificant most of these thoughts are.
So, for example, if you suddenly find yourself worked up because some random person said something that bugged you yesterday, say WHO CARES? Why does it matter anymore? It happened. It's over. Move on. Do you think the other person is still thinking about it?
As a few posts mentioned some of our negative thoughts are not based on reality. I many times think of how someone would interact with me in a certain situation if a certain thing happened and so the argument or conflict with that person ensues even though it is just a situation that hasn't happened and probably won't or can't happen for whatever reason. I think we all do that. But somehow deep inside myself seems to be if not a need for that conflict at least a habit of conflict that brings up the thought. We are all complicated beings and non of us are exactly alike when it comes to things like this topic is about but some things may be similar.
Also the poster who said at night is when a lot of negative thoughts come is also true with me.
Part of my problem is that I don't keep busy enough, I think. I am not working so have a lot of time to think.
As a few posts mentioned some of our negative thoughts are not based on reality. I many times think of how someone would interact with me in a certain situation if a certain thing happened and so the argument or conflict with that person ensues even though it is just a situation that hasn't happened and probably won't or can't happen for whatever reason. I think we all do that.
....
I am not working so have a lot of time to think.
I used to play out those negative scenarios in my head too but not anymore. I've realized that my anxiety goes way down if I don't try to predict and control the future. The biggest thing that has helped me is I've explored tons of material from psychology, self-help, character development, spiritual in a practical way, life coaches. Most of the stuff doesn't resonate, but the bits and pieces that do here and there have been profound.
I've had pretty bad depressive episodes before, so I've learned how to manage myself to try and avoid them. I've gotten pretty good at it. I do a diagnostic self check first...have I slept and eaten enough, am I feeling physically well or unwell, am I doing good self care? (I sometimes forget to eat, or don't eat enough, and low blood sugar can crash my mood--I get "hangry!"--and I'm vulnerable to negative thinking then.)
Then I try tricks for mood improvement, such as focusing on positive memories, or listening to music that makes me feel happy (that one works really well for me.) If I am stressed because of uncontrollable things happening in life, I try to do something structured to make myself feel more in control, even if I am not. I mean sometimes, life just won't let you take the wheel and there are things you can really do nothing about, and you've just got to cope. So you can either let the "not in control" feeling wreck you, or you can do something to give yourself the FEELING of being in control, even if you know you aren't. So for me, making lists helps, as does creating detailed plans and spreadsheets. I know that these things won't necessarily let me have real control over things, but they help me to think and to calm the emotional part of the situation. Even making lists of things that aren't remotely related to what is going on. It's just an exercise. I don't know if this is a "me" thing, it probably wouldn't work for everyone.
But like I can make a list of everything I'd buy if I had unlimited money. And it doesn't make me stressed that I can't afford those things, it actually has the opposite effect. Later I look at the list and I don't really want or need most of what's on it, and I feel better that I didn't buy the silly things and grateful that I do have what I need. It helps me to dismiss the feeling that I don't have enough, and realize that I actually do.
Schopenhauer wrote on a related subject in one of his works(I think it was World AS Will). He says trying to change some way of behaving in a persons life by using abstract reasoning is like comparing a natures produced item to a man made produced item like a mechanical clock. The nature produced is innate and natural for the person and the abstract, thought out way a person wants to change his/her behavior isn't real and often fails. Maybe if our innate tendency is negative there isn't much that we can do about it. That's just a thought.
This happens to me in the middle of the night. Usually obsessing about something in the past.
In anticipation of this disturbance, I have a mj brownie before bed, and keep a cocktail on the bedside table. Those will usually knock me back out....
Tried all that other self-help stuff. No effect. The Weather Channel is also a good put-to-sleep if you don't have a partner it will bother.
This happens to me in the middle of the night. Usually obsessing about something in the past.
In anticipation of this disturbance, I have a mj brownie before bed, and keep a cocktail on the bedside table. Those will usually knock me back out....
Tried all that other self-help stuff. No effect. The Weather Channel is also a good put-to-sleep if you don't have a partner it will bother.
Ha! Thank you, in combination with my forensic files, this will stop the 'what I'm going to put my foot down about at work tomorrow' montage going on in my head.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
