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Originally Posted by boing
Thanks for all your responses. Sure there is info missing, you have no idea, lol. Here is the basis for what I think caused it:
She is from a cold region and so am I. In 2007 we were financially secure and decided to try something new and we blindly moved to the SW for a fun blitz. We agreed it was never meant to last more than a few years. Thought of it as a small respite before we made a major life decision on settling and maybe having kids.
The 2008 recession caused an implosion of real estate in our area and we lost most of the equity in the house we bought a year prior so we sold it and became renters. My inquiries about moving eventually fell on deaf ears and it looked like she was beginning to (IMO) settle us into a life of mediocrity. As such, nearly a decade passes like this and the SW was not working out for me, and so I thought, us in general. We always had to move around because of neighborhood decay and crime due to the lingering economic slump and the 'landlord based' transient nature of the town we lived in. So I proposed a move to back east where I grew up, which was a small college town in MA. I thought moving to a place like this would have benefitted us in the best of ways. After all, we had been relatively successful financially speaking.
Ten years in this slumber and we never could get to talking seriously, time just disappeared and all of a sudden we're going grey and getting older. One night when we had criminals hiding in our backyard I just could not hold it in anymore and finally proposed my idea to get away from a negative life that we really didn't need, all in the name of an arid climate. Over the years she got caught up in reality TV and my proposition was met with fraught, as expected. She told me that she would divorce me if I moved us to the east coast, and that the only place she was interested in moving to was Malibu, CA. She claimed that the east coast is for 'riff-raff' types and certainly not for people with our kind of money. Technically, I could afford something small there but it would be like living in a hut in a fire zone. Not what I really envisioned spending my hard earned money on, nor what I dreamed of doing with my life.
The more I would try to explain my feelings, ideas and dreams, the more she would fall into this reality TV abyss (which we all know glamorizes most all elements in a false manner). Anyway, one day I fell chronically ill and when I attempted to get a diagnosis locally, which lasted for 3 years going through dozens of docs, I was ultimately labeled a drug seeker and left undiagnosed. I became scared that something was seriously wrong with me and I would claim that I would have likely been properly diagnosed years ago back east, but I am stuck here going to these third world doctors from Carson City, NV. She would tell me "This is America, its just what this country has to offer, get used to it", or "Go to LA to see a proper doctor, then... it does not mean you have to move because you're sick". She is right, but conveniently missed the point. We can afford to not have to travel because of sickness.
So I offered up a proposal. I told her that she had a decade to ask me about a move to CA and she only ever brought it up once I proposed a move elsewhere, which was not fair at all. I told her that I'd find a nice place to settle back east and would fly her there to see the house and town. If she did not like the house, the vibe or the town I'd let it go and would agree to some type of compromise. We went, she claimed she loved everything about it and had no idea such a place even existed. Moving along.... divorce ideas fizzled and we actually bought the house. After we moved and on day one, she called the climate dreary, house drab, and town a depressing hellhole. If anyone has ever seen Gilmore Girls, this town is similar to Stars Hollow.
Week 3 I was diagnosed with a congenital spinal disease. It took 3 weeks to get access to quality healthcare where I chose to move to, after being pointlessly shifted around for 3 years in the SW. Is it my fault I did not get the diagnosis sooner? Sure. It is called a flight. But she won't even admit that is regional to this day, and tells me that I got lucky. Ugh...
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She's over it. I agree with her, too.
Stop with the reality TV accusations. Which is hilarious since YOU are conflating a television show with your town.
Start with a reality CHECK.
Like the inaccuracy of this statement:
Quote:
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The 2008 recession caused an implosion of real estate in our area and we lost most of the equity in the house we bought a year prior so we sold it and became renters.
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Everyone in the entire country "lost equity" in 2008 so there is no justifiable reason for you to STILL say that's why you "sold it" especially after just buying it a year before.
Did you get Foreclosed and you're just not admitting it here? Did you use what little equity you had like an ATM buying stuff and end up upside down? Did you have a not-fixed mortgage that you "forgot" would change with the economy.
What does "losing equity" have to do with FORCING you to sell the house? More likely you couldn't AFFORD your payments, right?
To me, this entire post reeks of "dreaming", obtuse statements of "life of mediocrity" and your personal issues. Is this a mid-life crisis?
LOL why do you insist she join you in STILL complaining about the past 3 years in the SW and "quality care"? What more do you want? She already AGREED to move back to a cold climate in the NE for YOU but that's not enough?
I don't believe you couldn't get any quality healthcare living in Carson City Nevada. For such a "successful guy" you couldn't figure out how to get 2 hours away to Sacramento California?
Where the top employers are UC Davis Health, Kaiser Permanente, Dignity Health/Catholic Healthcare and Sutter Health?
I don't even understand what's going on here except she's not meeting YOUR expectations.
And justifying your behaviors.
Why are there dirty socks left around and obviously this wasn't a one - off occurrence.
I bet you're spending all your time on this pizza venture and not holding up your end of the responsibilities, either.
And how are you even making a quality PIZZA in a home kitchen oven. Are you underfoot all day long messing around in there? Here she is, after moving from a nice climate NEAR THE CALIFORNIA COAST.... stuck in the house in freezing cold winter with you running the oven and smelling up the house with pizza odors complaining about your OLD LIFE 3 years ago in the SW? And leaving your dirty socks all over the house? And complaining about her choice of television shows????
PROTIP: Don't dirty up the kitchen and spend all night (after work) making pizza smelling up the house for the umpteenth night in a row.
And if you were good at it, the scientific part should be far behind you because you should have the crust ingredient weights all figured out OR you're choosing to try every single other type of crust you can find on the internet.
Another PROTIP: If 4 brothers all own a pizza store, you can tell which one made the dough any given day
Maybe she doesn't even like pizza
amIright?
Sorry. It's probably too late to man up, as the expression goes. I'd be divorcing you and living my life how I wanted to without putting up with the drama and negativity of some guy I happened to marry.
Does she work? So funny your posts are complaining about but it's all about you.
We don't even know your ages yet, half the sub is throwing HER under the bus.
Do you have any joint savings and retirement she's entitled to? Do you have any equity in this new dream house in the dream town?
PROTIP #3: Get counseling for YOU. They get paid to figure out your issues and listen to your dreams, complaints, historical revisionist stuff. It'll take alot of the pressure off from you being compelled to vent about it and her being forced to deal with it.
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