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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 8 days ago)
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I am touched by this thread.
I wasn't bullied in high school - I was in that group of girls who had similar girlfriends, and were relatively quiet and could be counted on to make 100's on vocabulary quizzes. Teachers promised us quietly that we were "late bloomers" - and we were. I was not the homecoming queen, obviously, but I also wasn't picked on much. In retrospect it's probably because there were other easier targets in my classes.
So I remember 6 of them. Kids who were mercilessly picked on or maybe worse - a few, absolutely ignored. By everyone, as if they didn't exist. Even teachers ignored them completely although I'm sure they graded their papers and kept attendance.
I have a subscription people search, so out of curiosity I looked them up to see what had happened to them in life. They would be in their 50's now.
They were all dead. All 6.
Only one had a charming obituary with interesting things he did, (although very quirky, still interesting) and at the time of his death he lived with his younger brother who was even more mercilessly bullied, and neither had descendants. A few people wrote warm things on his guestbook though.
The rest died with no fanfare at all, no guest entries on their death notices, no funeral service.
One had once been married and left 3 children. Her husband didn't make a mention in her very short bio, meaning they parted unhappily. The pic in her obit was unmistakably her, but was extremely fuzzy and the image was clearly taken out of the background of a photo - the photographer inadvertently captured her while taking a photo of a different subject. Cremated with no funeral or celebration.
A few died early in life.
How different would their lives have been had they been accepted in high school? I don't know.
I wasn't bullied in high school - I was in that group of girls who had similar girlfriends, and were relatively quiet and could be counted on to make 100's on vocabulary quizzes. Teachers promised us quietly that we were "late bloomers" - and we were. I was not the homecoming queen, obviously, but I also wasn't picked on much. In retrospect it's probably because there were other easier targets in my classes.
So I remember 6 of them. Kids who were mercilessly picked on or maybe worse - a few, absolutely ignored. By everyone, as if they didn't exist. Even teachers ignored them completely although I'm sure they graded their papers and kept attendance.
I have a subscription people search, so out of curiosity I looked them up to see what had happened to them in life. They would be in their 50's now.
They were all dead. All 6.
Only one had a charming obituary with interesting things he did, (although very quirky, still interesting) and at the time of his death he lived with his younger brother who was even more mercilessly bullied, and neither had descendants. A few people wrote warm things on his guestbook though.
The rest died with no fanfare at all, no guest entries on their death notices, no funeral service.
One had once been married and left 3 children. Her husband didn't make a mention in her very short bio, meaning they parted unhappily. The pic in her obit was unmistakably her, but was extremely fuzzy and the image was clearly taken out of the background of a photo - the photographer inadvertently captured her while taking a photo of a different subject. Cremated with no funeral or celebration.
A few died early in life.
How different would their lives have been had they been accepted in high school? I don't know.
Sad.
Please tell me they all had deaths of natural causes?
It seems like I am almost the only person here who doesn't have hatred towards their bullies. It has been 25 years (OMG am I old) and if I would run into anyone, I wouldn't really have any feelings at all. We were kids. I think most bullies from back then grew up to be decent human beings. Many probably don't even remember what little a$$holes they were and if you would tell them "hey, remember you called me ... and caused everyone else to laugh at me, do you realize you ruined my life?" they would be genuinely surprised.
I don't have hatred. I just feel indifferent towards them; the same way as if a complete random stranger started speaking to me. Imagine that awkward moment of trying to make a conversation with someone you don't know and you're not interest; same thing.
Also, if they didn't care about getting to know you better at the time and be a friend, I find no point in allowing them back in your life. Besides going to my same grade/middle school, what else do we have in common or any real connection? None
I don't have hatred. I just feel indifferent towards them; the same way as if a complete random stranger started speaking to me. Imagine that awkward moment of trying to make a conversation with someone you don't know and you're not interest; same thing.
Also, if they didn't care about getting to know you better at the time and be a friend, I find no point in allowing them back in your life. Besides going to my same grade/middle school, what else do we have in common or any real connection? None
Maybe you have a lot of other connections but I only have ONE from my middle school. I just found her online recently (I looked for her for about 10 years) and we have a blast talking about the past. All my other friends I found at age 20 or older, they know nothing about how I was back then. When I see other people having still the same friends from kindergarten on and talk about how it was back then, I am quite jealous. I wish I had that.
For me, having the same school environment/teachers/students/the decade/puberty/same city is already a lot to have in common to talk about. I am not sure, maybe I was not bullied harsh enough to be as cold as you. That may be an explanation.
Questions:
• Were you bullied as a child?
• Can you think why this may have occurred?
• How do you feel this affected your life subsequently?
1) Yes, off and on thru my early school life
2) I've always been a bit awkward in social situations, and am an introvert, but also don't have a filter, and generally speak my mind.
3) It pretty much made me stronger and care less what others think. I'm definitely not part of the clique and never want to be. I also learned how to stand up for myself, nothing shuts a bully up like getting the **** beat out of them.
Now that being said, I've also bullied people in my later school years. And after a few well deserved beat downs, I no longer thought it was funny to pick on people. Lesson learned.
I don't have hatred. I just feel indifferent towards them; the same way as if a complete random stranger started speaking to me. Imagine that awkward moment of trying to make a conversation with someone you don't know and you're not interest; same thing.
Also, if they didn't care about getting to know you better at the time and be a friend, I find no point in allowing them back in your life. Besides going to my same grade/middle school, what else do we have in common or any real connection? None
I'm the same; I don't hate the girls who bullied me in Junior High School either. What's the point? At this time in my life, it's almost 55 years ago. I'll never forget it though - I spent three years with a group of girls calling me "dog face" every chance they got because I was born with a hare lip, even though it was surgically corrected when I was 11 months old. The memory of being called "dog face" has always had a negative effect on my self-esteem, even though I logically know that those girls were just being mean and hateful. Words have such a big effect on a young woman's developing sense of self; it's almost scary.
As a former bullied victim (verbally and emotionally mainly) I wonder what's the point of receiving an apology?
What are you going to do with a super late apology? It already happened and our school years are long gone by now. It won't change what happened.
To be honest, if I were to receive any apologies from my former bullies, I would deny their existence by now by asking ''I'm sorry but who are you'' or ''I have no idea what you're talking about''. For me, the widow to receive any apology closed way back in 2005, my HS graduation. That was the time it would have been still fresh. Not anymore.
Here's an interesting situation that involves more eating crow than an apology, even though an apology was later involved.
Michael bullied me when we were in junior high school together, from about 1967 to 1971. We really didn't have contact until 1988. That summer he and others from our junior high school were playing beach football. I was brought into the game by Dave, someone who I'd been friendly with in junior high school and then from 1984 on. When we were in junior high school I was not athletic, making me easy to bully. Dave knew that had changed since he remains a close friend; Michael didn't.
During the 1988 beach football game, he was assigned to guard me. He was only half-watching, since he didn't expect I would be passed the ball. I caught the ball and of course started running toward the goal. I was about 20 or 30 yards down the beach before Michael noticed anything. To salve his humiliation he challenged me to tennis. I beat him 6-0, 6-1 in tennis, on a 96+° day. Two summers later I was dating my girlfriend, now wife. He asked to be assigned a cabin room in our cabin. He sheepishly apologized and "hoped QRS was behind me." I said, "of course." We have continued to be acquaintances.
Different for me. I think damage is done. But it would still give me a feeling of closure that they realize what a diphsh*g they were when we were kids.
It seems like I am almost the only person here who doesn't have hatred towards their bullies. It has been 25 years (OMG am I old) and if I would run into anyone, I wouldn't really have any feelings at all. We were kids. I think most bullies from back then grew up to be decent human beings. Many probably don't even remember what little a$$holes they were and if you would tell them "hey, remember you called me ... and caused everyone else to laugh at me, do you realize you ruined my life?" they would be genuinely surprised.
Try 40 years. I seriously still hate my abusers, but...
They CANNOT ruin your whole life.
Okay, maybe 1/8 of it. There's a whole lot left. But were they there to ruin the MAJOR accomplishments in your life?
I graduated business college. They weren't there. I got engaged. They weren't there (but most definitely saw it in the papers).
I got married (they couldn't have missed THAT in the papers). And they definitely were not there.
Living happily and successfully is the best revenge. I have a loving DH of 37 years (who just left me an awesome Valentines Day surprise of roses and two bags of Hershey Kisses), two beautiful daughters and two grandsons.
And one of the doofuses said I'd never have a boyfriend?
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